excuses
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- chossy0
Not work but school
I was late coming to school one day and my teacher said whats your excuse today?....
My excuse was this.
'Sorry I am late but I was going down a ramp in my wheelchair and the wheels fell off, and I carted out of the chair and ended up in a hedge, when I came too I realised I could now walk and I have spent the last hour running around town celebrating'
I got detention over a weekend for that.
- monoboy0
Can't come in to work today, my stigmata is killing me.
- acrossthesea0
Job interview.
- CALLES0
"i was suffocating myself in the closet with a rope around my genitals and neck and accidentally choke myself and blacked out... woke up a couple of hours later... sorry... but i brought donuts!"
- ukit0
good stuff
- monospaced0
If you want more than a single day off, tell them you think you have pink eye. The key word is think, that way they don't expect you to see a doctor. But, since it's pink eye they won't want you anywhere near them for at least a work week.
- scarabin0
i don't even bother making up details.
"i don't feel so hot, gonna stay home today"
emailed.
they know i kick ass when i'm in so they give me crazy slack with this sort of thing
- scarabin0
although if i had to make an excuse i would poke around http://webmd.com first and find something i couldn't make up
- ********0
Not to come off like a rite cunt, but excuses are for a high school/ college job. If you are using excuses to get out of work, you look like a fucking douche.
Just say you're not coming in, and leave it at that.
Hell, I don't even go that far. I just don't.
Whenever people start telling me excuses as to why they can't make it in, you know it's a load of shit from the beginning. Now, most people don't care, but it shows a true lack of maturity.
That being said, a few years ago (while not at work) my cousin and I overheard a conversation some guy was having on his phone really loud, and it was obvious that the other person was calling off of work, or leaving early or whatever. They were all concerned and then told their table, “####’s son has a temperature of 106. I hope he is okay!”
I couldn't even hold in my laughter. So, you know what, maybe it does work and people try to outdo each other at the work place with their asinine excuses, haha.
- ********0
"Yes hello it's Jordan. I won't be coming into work today. Yup. This time it's stuck in the window."
- ********0
A month ago, it was my broken down car (I commute an hour to work every day). Three weeks ago, it was sickness. Two weeks ago, it was some other BS I've already forgotten. This week I managed to not miss a single day, and only came in an hour late today, because my dog has a check-up for his broken leg.
I would like going to work a lot more if we had a four day work week here in the US. If I ever start my own business, our work week will be four days.
- ********0
on nights where i know i don't want to go into work the next day i'll set my alarm for 4am. i'll get up and send a quick email to the boss that reads "been up all night with a bad headcold. going to walgreens for some meds."
they see the early am time stamp and never question it. this can only be pulled off mid week, non-playoff night for any major sporting event. then i sleep until noon.
- Well, most email clients let you schedule emails, so thats not always a given. I prefer to CALL instead when doing this.********
- Well, most email clients let you schedule emails, so thats not always a given. I prefer to CALL instead when doing this.
- lajj0
Once, at school, I used the Drug detoxification excuse.
It's a guaranteed free pass.
- ifeltdave0
Food poisoning always works. So does fever or chills. Best day to call in is a Tues / Wed...Mon / Fri call ins are obvious attempts at a 3 day weekend so keep it in the middle and you're good. Also don't over play it. No fake sniffles or coughs or any of that shit. If you confidently claim "I'm sick today, I need some rest" no one will think twice.
Also, if you know you're going to "be sick" the next day, make sure your files and work are in order to be picked up by another co-worker. This way, no one needs to call with any questions and you get a free day of rest :)
- but not OVERLY prepared so it looks like you planned itscarabin
- nocomply0
This one is more for coming in late or leaving the office early.
The key is to have a 1-bathroom apartment and have a "plumbing emergency".
"Sorry, need to leave work at 2:30 today to let the plumber in. The toilet won't flush and I got poo coming out the top of it."
No one's ever given me grief for that.
- LOLukit
- hhhahahaa i don't think even if that happened i would tell anyone.nicole_marie
- 7point340
i used to work at target, which is a cesspool of a job.
the managers had a poor habit of twisting people into coming in even if they were sick. if you were a meek or weak-minded person (or a teenager, as most of the staff was), they were fairly adept at guilting you to come in anyway.
one dickhead in particular never believed that anyone was sick. instead of a simple call out he would quiz people. "how sick are you? do you think you could come in later? etc"
a friend of mine was always out and i asked him what excuses he would give and why they hadn't fired him for always being absent. he said he would just go into graphic detail about how sick he was which usually would disgust the staff into hanging up the phone.
it usually involved explosive diarrhea and intimate detail as too how much was coming out and how much of a mess he had made and what he thinks he ate.
i have no idea how he did it with a straight face.
- lol, yah, cause i cant even read your post with a straight face.********
- lol, yah, cause i cant even read your post with a straight face.
- nicole_marie0
i don't make up excuses it is my paid time off, i use it how i want, but the last time i called in i actually had food poisoning (from salmon) and was up all night and called in at like 6am to leave a message.
- ********0
I worked an assembly line job for a week in which I worked a total of about 4-6 hours.
The first day I left at lunch after completely ruining everybody's progress on purpose the entire morning.
The next day I showed up, but decided against walking in the factory, and instead went off to a trainyard to paint graffiti, get 40's and do that all day.
Wednesday I showed up to the guy asking where me and my pal were the past two days, to which I used the excuse of, "The door was locked." The guy then made the mistake of calling out a bluff by someone who obviously did not give one shit about the job at his shitty company, haha.
Suffice to say further banter followed, I told him to wake me up when he cooled down, and wen to sleep in a giant box. My friend woke me up at lunch and we decided to drive down to the beach.
We came back to work on Monday with the guy absolutely incensed, since we never checked out since the previous Monday and he had no idea how to work the system. Threatened to not pay us for any of the time last week, yadda yadda, we ended up leaving with all the money he had on him which was a few hundred a piece to never ever step foot in his factory again.
I guess my excuse of, "The door was locked.", could have been anything. "Uh, I saw a dog with a poofy tail and decided to follow it all day."
- ********0
I also worked at Wendy's for a short amount of time, which led to me never eating there again (except the Chili). I asked for a shift off, and the one lady manager told me no. I explained why truthfully, and she still said no. I then informed her this was a fast food restaurant and not some tough to get job, so she should be happy I was even telling her.
That did not go over very well. So as a joke, I decided to come in when I wasn't scheduled on crutches and an air cast. Citing that I messed up my ankle at a soccer match, so I couldn't flip burgers for a living anymore. She kept going on and on about how I could do other stuff, and they would get me a chair. This is all in front of customers. Finally she is yelling at me, that I am making her handle this in front of customers to which I get off the crutches and go, "Jesus, fucking Christ you psycho, I wanted one nite off, but I fucking quit." Then proceeded to walk over to the salad bar with the crutches like I was playing home run derby.
The customers thought it was hilarious. She called the cops, I decided to never go in for my paycheck.
To her credit, she probably had to deal with psychos all the time. Hell, the one kid who worked like "above" me or whatever, wore a Cash Money piece and had gold teeth (again, we worked at Wendy's). He would tell me to take out the grease, and I would promptly tell him I flipped burgers and to get fucked.
That job sucked.
But the cheese as bread, bacon as bacon, and cheese as cheese sandwiches I would make were epic.