Joke of the Day
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- elahon0
bump!
- lowimpakt0
what's red and invisible?
no tomatoes.
- mistermik0
hree tortoises Mick, Alan and Geoff go for a picnic 3 miles away. It takes them all day to get there. When they get there, however, they realise they've forgotten the bottle opener. Mick and Alan ask Geoff to back and fetch it. Goeff says, "F*ck off! By the time I get back you will have eaten all the sandwiches!"
For an hour, Mick and Alan swear not to eat the sandwiches til Geoff finally agrees and so he sets off at a steady pace. A whole day passes and Geoff hasn't returned. Another day passes and still no sign of Geoff. Mick and Alan are f*cking starving but a promise is a promise. Another day passes and finally Jim says, "F*ck it. We're gunna starve if we don't eat."
So they start to eat the sandwiches, when Geoff jumps from behind a rock and shouts, "I f*ckin knew it you b*stards! Right I'm not goin now."
- nbq0
"Jack was talking over a beer with his friend Dave.
Dave was asking him what he had been up to.
a funny thing happened on my way home from work last week - said Jack. I was crossing the railway line when i noticed a woman tied to the tracks.
What did you do? - enquired Dave.
well, said Jack, i did what any other man would do - I got out of my car and untied her and took her home to my place.
What happened then? enquired Dave.
Well, said Jack, I had the best sex I have ever had with a woman.
Did she give you a good blow job? enquired Dave.
No, said Jack, I could not find her head''
- BaskerviIle0
What's Mr T's favourite yoghurt?
Petits Filous
- monoboy0
No nurse, I said remove his spectacles and prick his boil!
- mistermik0
A man is lying in bed in a Catholic hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth. A young auxiliary nurse appears to sponge his face and hands.
"Nurse, he mumbles from behind the mask, "Are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed the young nurse replies, "I don't know, I'm only here to wash your face and hands."
He struggles again to ask, "Nurse, Are my testicles black?"
Again the nurse replies, "I can't tell. I'm only here to wash
your face and hands.The ward sister was passing and saw the man getting a little
distraught so marched over to inquire what was wrong."Sister," he mumbled, "Are my testicles black?"
Being a nurse of longstanding, the sister was undaunted. She
whipped back the bedclothes, pulled down his pajama trousers, moved his penis out of the way, had a right good look, pulled up the pajamas, replaced the bedclothes and announced, "Nothing wrong with them!!!"At this the man pulled off his oxygen mask and asked again, "Are my test results back??
- hahaha7point34
- AHAHAHAH.Corvo2
- HAHAHHAHAHAAHAHA...Coffeemaker
- BEST JOKE EVER!!!Coffeemaker
- mattthejanitor0
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
A stick
- meffid0
10 year old boy walks on his parent fucking
parents stop and look, laugh a lot and then carry on
boy leaves room in disgust
2 days later, father walks down stairs to find boy on top of grandmother, naked and fucking her ultra hard and fast
boy turns to father and says "not so funny when it's YOUR mum, IS it?!
- meffid0
10 year old boy walks on his parent fucking
parents stop and look, laugh a lot and then carry on
boy leaves room in disgust
2 days later, father walks down stairs to find boy on top of grandmother, naked and fucking her ultra hard and fast
boy turns to father and says "not so funny when it's YOUR mum, IS it?!- GROchossy
- JESUSbigtrick
- HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHACoffeemaker
- HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHACoffeemaker
- HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHACoffeemaker
- HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHACoffeemaker
- HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHACoffeemaker
- HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHACoffeemaker
- HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHACoffeemaker
- HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHACoffeemaker
- HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHACoffeemaker
- HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA
hahaha.. heh.. *snifCoffeemaker - Best I've heard in a long time :DLillebo
- meffid0
a man and a boy are walking into the woods at dusk, the boy stops and turns to the man and says "I'm a little bit scared, can we stop?"
the man replies "you think you're scared?! I have to walk out of here alone..."- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...marychain
- FUCKING MEGALOLZ!!!!!Coffeemaker
- HAHAHAHALUZZZZZLEWLdMullins
- mistermik0
A married couple goes to a marriage counsellor to work out some problems.
The counsellor sits them on the couch and says "For starters, let's talk about something you both have in common." The husband says "Well, neither of us suck dick."
- mistermik0
Q. What's Mary short for?
A. She's got no legs.
- WhiteFace0
How many children with ADD does it take to change a light bulb?
Let's go ride our bikes!!!
- thelukeandrews0
Why are they called asteroids if they're in the hemisphere, but hemroids if they're in your ***?
- monoboy0
Man buys a talking centipede from a pet shop, takes him home. When they get settled, the centipede says, thanks for buying me. How about I go down the shops and buy a nice bottle of wine to celebrate. OK the man says, I'll make some dinner.
A few hours pass, no sign of the centipede. Worried, the man has a look for him. Only to stumble across the centipede in the hall.
"I though you were going to the shops," said the man.
"Give me a chance to put my shoes on first." said the centipede.
- chossy0
MAKE THIS THREAD LIVE AGAIN!!!!!!
- BattleAxe0
A man is woken up at 4 am by someone knocking on the door he answers
Man: Can I help, do you have any Ideas what time it is , I have to be at work by 6:00 am , what the hell do you want
Pepito: Could you give me a push ,
Man: WTF, a push, it is 4 AM, now leave me the fuck alone (slams door)the man tries to go to bed but his guilty conscience starts to kick in and can't sleep
He opens the door and calls into the night,
Man: Hey , hey Pepito you still out there, do you still need a push
Pepito: Yes , I am over here on the swing- ?....chossy
- Whaaaaat theeee fuuuuucckCarl_Weathers
- I've read this 5 times. it's now funny.Carl_Weathers
- hahahaslappy
- this is idioticbigtrick
- hahahaha i laughed immediatly.. don't know what is weird about it hahahahaCoffeemaker
- chossy0
This guys wife is acting really weird so he takes her to the doc's to get her checked out, the doctor says well sir she has either aids or althzeimers the man says what do I do?.....
The doctor says take her to the middle of town if she finds her way home dinae fuck her.
- chossy0
Englishman Irishman Scotsman are in a prison camp, they hatch a plot to escape and it come to fruition, they get over the fence and end up running through the outlying woods, when they are spotted by a roaming set of guards so they split up and hide in various areas, Scotsman up a tree, Englishman in some bushes, Irishman behind some stones.
Within a couple of minutes the guards are upon them, they look up towards the scotsman, so he caws like a bird, the guards move on they poke around the bush the Englishman is in so he snarls like a fox, the guards move on, they get to the irishman and start moving the stones so the irishman says 'sack of tatties'.