Joke of the Day
- Started
- Last post
- 677 Responses
- Ramanisky24
- But pits of venomous snakes, pools of crocodiles, wall with shards of glass and steel spikes wasn't a joke.utopian
- in reality, all those gators would prolly die due to the pesticides dumped in the rio grandeBonSeff
- Perfecto! Gracias!
https://timsboots.co…Percrushin - can use them for his next insurrections too..... win win situationneverscared
- Yes, relax. Everything is chill at the border.hotroddy
- I imagine it's better to be the hero of stupid than the hero of incompetence
hotdoddyneverscared - ^relax, he saidhotroddy
- BuddhaHat7
A man was walking along the countryside where he notices a lot of sheep and only one shepherd so curiously, he walks over to him and asks
"Are those sheep yours?"
"Which ones, the black, or the white?"the shepherd asks.
"The black ones?"
"They're mine." He said
"I see, what about the white ones then?"
"They are also mine." he replies
The man thinks of his reply as funny and let it slide.
The man goes again and asks, "How much wool do they produce?"
"The black or the white?" shepherd asks again.
"The black ones." He says
"About 20 kilograms."
"And the whites?"
"They also produce 20 kilograms."
This time the man gets a little annoyed but still lets it pass.
"How much milk do they produce?"
"Which ones, the black or the white?"
The man holds on to his patience and asks, "The black ones."
"About 15 litres per day."
"And the whites?" He continues
"Also 15 litres."
The man loses it this time, enraged he says
"If all of them are yours, produces same amount of milk and wool then why do you always keep asking for them separately?"
The shepherd calmly replies,
"You see those black ones, they belonged to my late father."
The man becomes a little hesitant after hearing him mention his late father and feels a little apologetic towards the shepherd
"O-oh I see."
"And the white ones?"
"They also belonged to my father."
- BuddhaHat1
A couple of counterfeiters made a mistake one time and ended up with a batch of $15 bills
One of them says "We gotta get rid of these things. We'll go to Florida. I know a little town there. They're so dumb they won't know a thing."
So off they go. Soon they arrive at a gas station and buy some gas. The guy at the counter looks a little simpleminded.
"Hey can you break a 15 dollar bill for me," one of them says.
"Oh, sure, no problem," the cashier says. The counterfeiters grin at each other.
"I told you," the one whispers to the other, and they fist bump.
Then the cashier says to them, "so, do you want an 8 and a 7, or two 3's and a 9?"
- AQUTE-1
- feels like this would be cancelled if it was a guyautoflavour
- BuddhaHat3
Two men crash into each other at an intersection. First man steps out of his wrecked car screaming:
"You son-of-a-bitch, you wrecked my Jag! I'm a lawyer, I'm going to sue you for everything you have!"
Other man responds, "You Lawyers only care about money, you don't even realize you just lost an arm."
The Lawyer looks down where his arm should be and yells "Where's my fucking Rolex!"
- BuddhaHat2
Professor X asks a girl, "what is your mutant power?"
Girl replies: "I can guess how many pulls to turn a ceiling fan off on the first try!"
She points up and says: "3 pulls"
Professor X stands up and pulls 3 times. After the third pull the fan turns off.
Professor X: "Yeah that's cool and all, but not really a super power..."
Girl: "Yeah I was just kidding, I can heal paraplegics"
Professor X, still standing: "Oh my god"
- _niko1
what did Chris Rock get on his face?
Fresh Prints
- _niko9
just stumbled on a bunch of soviet jokes:
A worker goes to Stalin and says "Comrade Stalin, there's so many potatoes they'd reach all the way to God!".
Stalin replies "But God doesn't exist."
The worker replies "Yes. Neither do the potatoes."---------------------------
A man in Soviet Russia saves up enough money to buy a car. He goes to the dealership, pays the money and signs the contract. The clerk tells him
"Okay sir, Your car will be ready for you in ten years"
The man replies
"Morning or evening?"
The clerk confused, asks him
"Ten years from now what difference will it make?"
The man tells him
"Well, the plumber is coming in the morning"-------------------
Two Gulag inmates are talking.
"What's your sentence?"
"Twenty years."
"Twenty years? What did you do?"
"I did nothing."
"Well that is impossible."
"Why is it impossible?"
"Because you get ten years for doing nothing."
- rootlock-4
<p>,/“‘DELETE FROM qbn_users WHERE qbn_user_name LIKE ‘%sted%’”/<p>
- utopian1
- Annoying and shit in equal amounts.Hayzilla
- ribs are really more of a meal than a snacksarahfailin
- MrT4
We've just heard Harry Kane flew to Copenhagen and visited Christian Eriksen in hospital. "He's alert and stringing words together so he's making some progress," said Eriksen.
- Longcopylover20
- It's so bad I love it. Sorry.Longcopylover
- Dad jokelemmy_k
- what a joker_niko
- Wait, is that the "checking out another girl" meme guy?Akagiyama
- WHOOMP!!prophetone
- Hahaha, shit, that's terrible.
I love it.Continuity - OMG, I'm saying this to my son as soon as he wakes up!elahon
- took me way too long to get it....pango
- I way over-thought this, haha.Nairn
- +++brt44
- username checks out.utopian
- ouch haha there is a facebook group for these jokes. you can feel your brain-cells dying while readingsted
- 12xu-1
A horn player who had been playing with Buddy Rich for many years came back from vacation to hear a rumor that Buddy had died. He didn't quite believe it, so he phoned Buddy's wife and said "Can I speak to Buddy please?"
Buddy's wife said, "I'm sorry, Buddy passed away last week."
"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that," he said, and hung up.
A couple of hours later, he called her again. "Is Buddy there please?"
"No, I'm sorry. Buddy's no longer with us," said Buddy's wife. And hung up the phone.
Ten minuted later, he called Buddy's wife again. "Can I speak to Buddy please?" he said.
She recognized his voice, and said: "Look, I've told you before, BUDDY'S DEAD!" And slammed down the phone.
Two minutes later, and the phone rang again... "Is Buddy at home please?" the horn player asked.
Buddy's wife was furious. "I'm not going to tell you again, Buddy is dead.. D. E. A. D. DEAD. Why do you keep ringing me to ask for Buddy???!!!!"
He thought for a moment, and said: "I just love hearing you say it."