One liner jokes...
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- notype2
A man walks into a bar carrying jumper cables, the bartender exclaims, "Hey, buddy, don't start anything in here."
- notype0
/ Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? He pasta-way.
/ I haven’t slept for 10 days, because that would be too long.
/ What if soy milk is just regular milk introducing itself in Spanish.
/ They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian; well, they're not laughing now.
/ I hate Russian dolls; they're so full of themselves.
dad jokes?
- ok_not_ok-2
Sparklers are the gay cousins of the fireworks family.
- Hayoth7
You're lying Jessie. I can smollet.
- notype0
The past, present and future walk into a bar. It was tense.
- bigbaby531
Lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, my husband has dandruff what do I do?". Doctor says, "Give him Head and Shoulders". Lady looks at the doctor and says, " Doc, How do you give shoulders?"
- mantrakid0
A burrito is a sleeping bag for ground beef. (Mitch Hedberg)
- mantrakid2
"Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy. All day."
"A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer."
"This shirt is dry-clean only, which means it's dirty."
"Dogs are forever in the pushup position."
"I went to the doctor and all he did was suck blood from my neck. Do not go see Dr. Acula."
"I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too."
"I don't have a girlfriend. I just know a girl who would get really mad if she heard me say that."
"I saw this wino who was eating grapes. It's like, "Dude, you have to wait."
"The thing that's depressing about tennis is no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall."
"I have a vest. If my arms got cut off, it would be a jacket."
"I like rice, rice is great when you're hungry and you want 2,000 of something."
"I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it."
"When I was a boy, I would lay in my twin sized bed and wonder where my brother was."
We miss you Mitch ;)
- Projectile1
I bought a pair of shoes off a drug dealer yesterday.
I don't know what he laced them with, but I'm still tripping!!
- Krassy2
What starts with P and ends with ORN?
- POPCORN, you perv!Krassy
- peppercorndrgs
- PISS-HORNFax_Benson