dad jokes
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- stoplying1
What do you call a seagull that flies over the bay?
- mort_23
I told my wife, “I won the Leslie Nielsen prize at the office today.”
Her: What’s that?
Me: It’s a place where people go to work, but that’s not important right now.
- https://i.chzbgr.com…prophetone
- WOTDWordsworth
- Standing ovation.garbage
- DAD LEVEL 80cherub
- Shirley, you're jokingkoma_
- Leslie Nielsen was the Lord of All Dads.CyBrainX
- Elwin740
Taylor Swift is going to the doctor's office: 'Doc, my hair is falling out, my poop is transparent, I pass out all the time, and as you might notice, I'm in a wheelchair. I think I'm dying...'
Doc: 'Thank god, I thought you came in here to sing!'
- Elwin74-4
A couple are having sex.
She: 'Nice and tight huh?'
He: 'That's not because of you!'
- mort_4
- Being sueco I'm obligated to laugh, but there are a lot better ones if you wanna go hard on the seal-clubbers from norwahiArchitectofFate
- BuddhaHat1
An elderly man rear-ended a guy driving an expensive European sports car. Enraged, the guy hops out and confronts the old man. He yells,
"Look what you did to my car! You're going to give me $10,000 right now or I'm going to beat you to a pulp!"
"Oh my..." the old man said nervously. "I don't have that kind of money. Let me call my son,” he said with hope. “He trains dolphins and he will know what to do."
"Dolphins!" the other driver huffed while rolling his eyes.
The old man pulled out his phone, dialed his son, and just as his son answered, the irate man snatched the phone away from the old man.
"So, YOU'RE a dolphin trainer, huh?” The irate man yelled, “Well, your old man here just rear-ended my car and I need TEN GRAND right now, or I'm going to beat you AND your old man to a pulp!"
"I'll be there in 10 minutes." says the voice calmly on the other end.
Exactly 10 minutes later, a Jeep pulls up and a guy hops out and proceeds to pulverize the bully, leaving him in a heap on the side of the road. When he finished, he walked over to his father and said,
"For the last time Dad, I train Seals... Navy Seals. NOT dolphins!”
- that's a man with a porpoise right there_niko
- "Youthful porpoise"palimpsest