Relationship Advice
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- piperboytoy0
I agree with Mono!!
Kote you need to go away for 2 weeks, clear your head, come here and read all the post clearly again. Don't make any irrational decisions until then.
good luck and take care.
- petzi0
kote,
a good friend gave me the advice (after i broke up) to learn skateboarding.hmm... i found it quite cool : )
- kote0
ya - i am with mono too. Good looking out man.
In lew of skateboarding I run/lift weights/kung fu. Skatboarding is too dangerous.
I feel much better today. Thanks everybody.
- 70sBaby0
When I first read this post ...I thought my "boyfriend" was sharing his feelings with everyone at Newstoday:)
Without going through the whole 9 yards ...the key is communication and sacrifice.
If you neglect the obivious and that is you are spending way too much time working (that's good that you are trying to get you finances together) but you're doing it at a cost. You should never say that your mate should understand and if she's really the one for you that she'll be there ....that's not always true. The best ones for you are the same one's that could get tired and just walk away.I too am struggling with the same thing your girlfriend is going through (minus the fact that I really haven't spoken about marriage).
I just hope that the 2 of you will one day sit down and talk face 2 face about how each you feel and what direction the 2 of you want to take.
"70s"
- piperboytoy0
neglect is not a justifiable reason to cheat and go on "dates " with other guys/girls! I hate cheaters!
- kote0
I agree. She said she felt like that too. That she would never cheat on me, etc.
I dont think she even sees it as cheating. She sees it as a way to get away from me.
- kote0
but that doesnt make it right. If it where me I would have tried to talk some more. But then again, she had been doing that and I wasnt getting it.
i get it now though. Whatever she is trying to do worked. Too bad I am starting to resent her now....
- piperboytoy0
http://www.vudutuu.com/ex.html
when she was feeling neglected, what exactly did she say to you??
Well, don't make any decisions yet. Maybe in a weeks time she will come to her senses.
- ********0
love and be loved; leave and be left
- 70sBaby0
No, cheating is not right.
And its not justified ...but the alternative is to let by gones be by gones and move on.
- piperboytoy0
move on but don't take her back! Once a cheater always a cheater!
besides I don't even know why people get married. most won't make it pass 5 years
- LastOne0
ok. this is my comment. as you probably know, i'm known around here for disclosing my girl problems, sometimes its just easier to talk to people this way.
speaking from personal experience, no one will be able to make a decision about what you want to do aside from yourself. if you truly love her, if you can't imagine the rest of your life without her, then you need to tell her. girls are emotional. they feel while we are too busy thinking. they need constant attention. even if you are working and she's over your house, you need to give her special attention every so often. tell her, i'm really busy but, i can spare five minutes to kiss you...or 2 minutes to hold you. if you do that once on the hour, they'll be fine. they'll just chill out watching tv or something. if there is anyway that she can help you, ask her to. ask for her input if you're a designer. girls love to feel involved. ignoring them in the worst thing that you can do. neglect only leads to them seeking attention elsewhere. think about it, all she needs to do is walk outside and guaranteed some dude will spit a line at her. you need to make her feel wanted and important. put yourself in their place, how would you feel if you were over her house all of the time and all she did was work? girls need to feel loved. tell her how happy you are to see her and that you can't wait to finish working so you can chill with her.
BUT, as it appears, many feelings have been hurt already. this other guy that she is seeing is only because she needs to get over you. if she truly loves you, she's not sleeping with him. she is just chillin with him. if shes using him to get over you shes secretly hoping that you guys will get back together.
relationships are so hard. but they're also hard to come by. if you find the person that you want to be with forever, you'll do anything to keep them. if you guys are truly in love, you both are missing each other.stop to think about your life without her. i know its mushy, but stop to think about never kissing her again, or holding her, or the way she always makes you feel better when you're down or distressed, the smell of her hair. if you can imagine going on without her, then dont call her. but, if you need her, call or see her if possible and tell her.
dont let pride get in the way of your future.
hope this helps a little.
- LastOne0
and 70's baby brought up a really good point.
we as men sometimes feel like there isn't a problem with working 24/7. even when we have girlfriends and wives. our logic is "hey, i'm trying to get US financially stable or i'm working so much so that i'll be able to be financially stable when we decide to get married, etc."
but, all those hours of work are extended at a HUGE COST. the neglect of your loved ones. you have to attain a certain balance. you need to do things well paced an evenly.
all of that full time work is costing you your girl...which is supposedly who you're striving for aside from yourself.
NOTHING IN LIFE IS FREE.
you neglect a girl enough, she'll leave. there are plenty of men out there looking for a good girl. if you have one (even though she may be a little needy) keep her. she loves you.
ive come to the conclusion that girls, more then anything, need attention. they need that more then money, independence, new clothes, etc.
all they need is compliments, hugs, kisses, and you whispering "i love you" in her ear when you're out in public. and don't forget to tell her how beautiful she is. remember, they're giving up all of the compliments, dates, phone calls, and the swarm of guys waiting to be with her, for you. you're her sole source of security. she no longer pays attention to that occasional compliment from her coworker of "damn girl you're looking hella good today, let me buy you lunch" now, she depends on you for that stuff. you're all that matters.
dude, there is so much that you have to keep present when dealing with your girl, but above everything. make her feel special and she'll be yours forever. and plus, she deserves it. if you make her feel special she will ALWAYS do the same for you.
- 70sBaby0
Actually, being that koto's (i hope i'm spelling your name right) story sounds so much like my own ...I'm going to copy it and print it out for my boyfriend to read.
Its a great way of geting his point of view and an opener as to compare feelings with koto's girlfriend.
- 70sBaby0
I AGGREE WITH LastOne!!!
I thought at first he was preaching for a minute:)
But women are emotional creatures and like what LastOne said "girls love to feel involved. ignoring them in the worst thing that you can do. neglect only leads to them seeking attention elsewhere. ".
Whether you are Man or Woman ...No one enjoys to be in a realationship but they feel neglected!
You have to set aside time during the course of a day to openly sure your feelings to your mate. Whether it be an ecard from work or a quick phone call.Lastly don't forget about "self".
Don't invest all your time into your mate. Sometimes you have to pull back and enjoy a little quit time.
- bent0
That sucks man. Proposing seems like an act of desparation. From my experience guys who get dumped always come back at the girl doubly strong and I've seen it backfire many times.
It sounds like you're not too far estranged yet, so I'd just relax and play it cool. Take your time in winning her back. The occasion to jump her bones will present itself. Most importantly, don't be the typical guy and come back all manic. Just don't lay all your cards on the table yet. Wait til it's time.
- 70sBaby0
AGAIN, THAT LAST COMMENT FROM LastOne WAS RIGHT ON TIME!!!
I like to be pampered ...but to a certain extent. I know whether you're trying and when your not.
I know when you've done the best you can and when you've slacked.As for what LastOne said ...
you can try your damnest to get youself "finanicially" stable but if you don't have an equilbrium ...then all that hard work was wasted.I've tried serveral times to explain this to my boyfriend but he swears up and down that I dont' see where he is coming from and the "Big Pay Off".
- LastOne0
as men we dont need all of the mushy attention. we're perfectly content with appreciation. thats it.
if my girl appreciates the things i do for her. thats enough for me. i dont need her constantly telling me how hot i am, or how much she loves me and needs me every second, god, i don't even need it on a daily basis.
but because i do it, i get it all of the time, which i could take or leave.girls are different. i feel badly for them. their whole lives they've been told how pretty they are, how nice their outfits look, how wonderful their voices are, what pretty hair they have...how soft their skin is, etc. they got used to hearing that all of the time that now they're used to it. and as the men in their lives its up to us to continue providing what they are used to.
but once again, above all, they need attention. i love girls.