Relationship Advice
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- lament0
another thing while i'm thinking about it - you're in a catch 22 with this situation.
if you back off, LIKE SHE ASKED, then she might think you don't love her since you're not coming back on the white horse.
or if you DO come back, she'll feel overwhelmed and crowded and pissed because she asked for her space.
i say - wait it out. she doesn't love this other ass clown she's dating, so don't worry about that. i know it's not a pretty thought, but honestly kote - if she's talking marriage with you, then you guys need to do more communicating and try to work things out.
here's something i noticed while reading your original post.
don't ask me what that is, but it looks pretty fucking cool. ;)
- kote0
ya I saw that too Lament.
ok to answer questions:
I am 28, she is 22
I am not in college, I am an art director at an interactive studio(however I met her in an english class - I was going back for another degree). She is very smart - she is not a liar - she is very independant and yes she is needy for my attention. I dont mind - I love her, and love to give her all my time. However it is not always possible.
I wanted to marry her way before this. I knew the day i met her. And she says visa-versa. And yes - I dont THINK I took her for granted - I KNOW I DID. If I was treated the way I treated her I would have been gone way before.
- kote0
'if you mean so much to her, wouldn't she want to communicate with you about her feelings and the fact that you're not paying her enough attention - instead of just going out with some random guy? '
she did that - many times. I just wasnt listening....and nothing changed. That is why she left.
- unknown0
Listen to Tom Leykis if he's broadcast if your town! If not then go to-
- unknown0
bah...
leave her...
shes playing games dude... get rid of that one...
and ya... always pay attention to your girl... thats good :)
- kote0
ya no doubt Q - I dont want to leave it, but I amy have to for my own sanity. I just dont want to regret it later. I really do want it to work.
- unknown0
You're actually still way too young and she is especially way too young to get married. Not only that, you've only been together 14 months? Try 14 years first, then decide. Your already hitting rough spots baby. Things don't get better with marriage. You probably don't live in Southern California do you? If you love your job, all else comes second including her.
- kote0
a job should be something you do when you arent living your life.
Sorry dude, but she needs to be #1. She is young - and so am I. That doesnt mean my feelings are any less important. No girl will wait 14 years to get engaged. That is just rediculous.
- unknown0
kote; you gotta f*cking calm down; marrige and all. Sit back and give yourself some space, cause I´m not sure you actually have made up your mind.
I´m sorry bro, but to me your choise of words sounds a bit too much like a kid who lost his best toy.
If you wnana be with anyone, you gotta have some selfesteem, man and you are sitting in an corner yelling; "I want it my way" right now, not seeing anything else but her as a solution to your lost. I know how that situation is and you can´t win from that pasition, even if she "comes back".Guees you should ahve jumped into bed a bit more or asked her to come when you had time. Maybe this is a lesson to take with you, not the one and only??
- lament0
lol... tell him kote!
i'm 30, my girlrfiend is 26. we've been together 2 years next month and we've discussed marriage. it will happen - but we're both not ready yet.
for me, marriage is a huge step and i really think that everything has to be in place and you'll just know that it definitely IS the next step.
communication is key. ;)
oh yeah - 4am - i'm in southern Cali. :)
- kote0
could be. I will sit back and see what happens. I know how I feel about her, but I cant change what she does. This is the revelation I came to today.
- unknown0
No, rediculous is paying alimony then child support after you have kids then she loses her figure then you get sick of her then you fuck your receptionist and so on and so forth. Marriage is a woman's best con ever. And don't tell me to calm down, wake up and live your life, fuckers!
- lament0
roflmao!
damn. no wonder you want to look at sick pictures (see _Corrupt Me), you sick bastard!
:)
- unknown0
Damn, 4am, you´re mad, huh??!
Like really pissed!!??
Wanna talk about it??
- kote0
will try not to post again-
I love her.pray for us. thanks for the input.
- unknown0
I know, I know, i'm crazy, i'm a sick fuck, i'm angry, i'm vulgar, i don't wash behind my ears, i need professional help, i have a huge cock (rooster), i treat objects like women, etc. I've heard it all before. But you know what guys? I have a lovely singing voice!
- unknown0
HEY, don´t you f*cking go weird om us here. You post again, you hear!??
Don´t you go doing stupid stuff. like thinking it´s the end of the world. It´s a freaking lesson, so watch and learn.
- unknown0
AW, you´re not really angry, 4am, you´re just the youngst of 5 and I bet you only have sisters!!
- monokrom0
(replying to kote's initial post)
You wrote that you'd been seeing her for 14 months and that she'd broached the subject of marriage on many occasions. You didn't indicate the point at which she began talking about getting hitched, but the earlier she began talking about it, the more of a warning signal it was. Honestly, plenty of people date *for years* before marrying (and that is, imho, all for the better). When someone is trying to hustle you into that level of commitment (if you put the pieces together and realize that she was talking about marriage / future / pie in the sky intangible things all the time, then that's what she was doing ... regardless of how benign it may have seemed at the time), you should be wary. Marriage is nothing to take upon one's self lightly.
When you told her that you thought that you guys should wait until she finished college or you were in a more financially secure position, those were REASONS (good reasons btw), not EXCUSES. The fact that she seems to have chafed at your raising legit concerns is another big big warning signal.
Then I read about her laying in your bed and sobbing because you were working instead of spending time with her. Danger!!! Danger Will Robinson !!!
You're going to do what you're going to do, regardless of what anyone says here, but I wanted to chip in my 2 cents because I was in a relationship several years ago that seems similar in some respects to what you're going through now.
The girl sounds incredibly emotionally immature. Run. Run now. If she's really truly moved on and found a new object of affection / source of emotional gratification, then great. If whatever guy she's currently using dries up or the other guy is a work of fiction aimed at putting you through the emotional ringer, then she may sniff around you again. In that case - move apartments, change your numbers, filter your email, etc.
She may be a wonderful person after she finishes growing up, but right now she sounds as though she's in poor-needy-me mode. If you reward her for that kind of behavior, she will suck the soul right out of you.
From what I've seen of you online, you're a decent sort of person. Honestly, I think that you're beating yourself up too much about the amount of time that you spent or didn't spend with her. Moreover, presumably when you were burning the midnight oil working, you were, at least in part, trying to provide for your future with this girl. It wasn't all earmarked for coke and hookers, right? Apparently, she didn't realize that OR she can't think further than "me lonely, me need attention now, me feel worthless unless getting attention". In any case, she is bad news.
Believe me, there are women out there who are capable of holding up their end of a mature relationship. Don't waste any more of your time on women who aren't.
PS : once someone calls it quits in a relationship, it never seems to be right again anyway. Sometimes, two people will put the pieces back together and the relationship will limp along for a certain length of time, but there's no future in that.
- kote0
good stuff Mono - thanks.