girlfriend not supportive?
- Started
- Last post
- 62 Responses
- QBNdesignr0
Sounds like she is in a different place in life, seeing as she has 2 children to care for, but to bring up being "more supportive" if you were engaged? It sounds like she is trying to trap you into staying with her/not leaving, or she isn't convinced that you'd come back if you left for grad school. (And no joke, I wouldn't blame you if you didn't want to leave NYC. It's amazing!)
IMO, she is being selfish in trying to stop you from perusing further education, especially if it is your dream. We're not exactly in a field where a graduate degree guarantees more money in the field, so maybe she doesn't see the point, but using engagement as a way to keep you around is a mistake. I would think she would at least hear you out.
I say, plan to visit, apply to the school anyway, and decide then, but don't let her derail your plans right now. For all you know, by Fall 2012, you two may be broken up, and you'll have closed the door or put the brakes your dreams for a relationship that no longer exists.
Buy a ticket, at least for yourself, and go see what it's about. NYC is very easy to navigate so you can do the trip alone, and perhaps when December rolls around, she will have a change of heart.
If you end up getting accepted to this school, you'll have all the cards on the table, and can make a decision then. At the very worst, you can decide not to go.
Good luck!
- It's Columbia, if I get accepted I'd be a fool to say no.HijoDMaite
- holy shit man, get in Columbia if they accept you.k_temp
- plash0
make a choice and so you can stop stringing her along
- cannonball19780
tell her to get off her waitress ass and go to gradschool with you.
- akrok0
obvious, you two are not on the same page.
i am pretty sure, if you don't go. you will be sad later.
sure, you probably love her etc. but, if it's true love.
wouldn't she be there. later.good luck though.
- HijoDMaite0
I guess it's wrong for me to try and talk about these things when we aren't engaged. She probably gets scared.
- hey man, it's just a meaningless piece of paper....zarkonite
- HijoDMaite0
Who pays the bills? we pay our own.
Do you live together? no
Where are you now? san diego
What does she do? waitress
- oh good grief...
... RUN, Hijo... RUN. :)PonyBoy - You don't even live together??ETM
- nope and we like it that way. look at stats, our chances are better this way too.HijoDMaite
- paying double the bills seems like a good idea... wait.Amicus
- You don't really even know someone until you've lived with them. And in your case her 2 kids also.syst_m
- oh good grief...
- QBNdesignr0
Getting engaged is not the solution, but I am willing to guarantee that even if you were engaged, she still won't be ok with it if you leave.
She's just looking for the next level of manipulation to get what she wants.
P.S. I'm a girl
- P.S. I'm a girl
LOL!akrok - thank god you were here to say it this way, QBNdesignr - a guy couldn't say it like that :)PonyBoy
- I've played that game...I know how this shit works. Lol. However, I am in the same process with my bf right now, and we are not engaged, and I am happily packing my bags! Don't hate. lolQBNdesignr
- Don't they call people like that sociopaths?VikingKingEleven
- there are girls apart from Suttleklut on QBN?
autoflavour
- P.S. I'm a girl
- omg0
i see a future of this guy who ended up forgetting about college to take care of a family. he's totally happy now. though he works as a dishwasher at some restaurant. he says it is well worth it, because the smile he brings to his wife's kids are priceless. he didn't need grad school to wash dishes. dreams fade, but it may be time for you to get real. you can't feed a bunch of kids on a diploma!
- PonyBoy0
Why does she get upset when you bring up your goals and aspirations?
If she's not supportive of you and your pursuits of bettering yourself - I'd personally step back and really evaluate my love for this woman. It sounds like you're being strong-armed into doing something you're not sure of (getting engaged) simply so you can have her approval to continue on toward your own personal goals... ... that doesn't sound too loving to me.
The kids aren't yours - if you love them... so be it. That's your choice though. Where the FUCK is Baby-Daddy btw? (please don't say he was killed in Iraq or something... we need someone else to hate on here)
I hear what Mister is saying as far as who pays the bills now etc... but in the end - you haven't adopted those girls. Mommy can't let you pursue things important to you that you technically have every right to pursue... sounds awfully self-centered on her part (especially if "She get's crazy" whenever you bring it up).
- The daddy is around and paying the bills that he should be paying. So this is part of the reason whyHijoDMaite
- I don't understand why she is being so needy as if her and the kids will fall apart with out me for a little while.HijoDMaite
- Mister20
Who pays the bills? we pay our own.
Do you live together? no
Where are you now? san diego
What does she do? waitress
-----------Take the grad school.
- ETM0
Ultimately, I suspect you already had a foot out the door if you are looking for advice on QBN rather than talking it over with friends and family.
- Mister20
To be honest, I dont trust a guy or girl who doesnt want you to leave for school and make a better life for your self.
You don't live together. You are not at the level to get engaged.
She is older than you.
- HijoDMaite0
@qbndesign: I do not think she is manipulating, she is very sweet and loving and I know her very well. She is just scared. Scared of being with a guy and never getting married like the father of her girls. I think i will buy one ticket and go visit alone. You are right so much could change in a year.
- your girl is scared to lose her protection.VikingKingEleven
- She never had protection, thas why she has kids.meffid
- hahaHijoDMaite
- zenmasterfoo0
She's scared because her own hopes and dreams are long gone in her view. By seeing you reach for yours, she only revisits the painful memories of losing grip with hers. Misery loves company is a truth.
But you've latched onto this girl for some reason. Asking us is merely a way of getting some kind of validation for a decision you've already made. Man up and tell her. Look in the fridge, locate your balls and choose.
- oh, and good luck. If you care for her be kind.zenmasterfoo
- wow.HijoDMaite
- dad?HijoDMaite
- :)zenmasterfoo
- +1000zarkonite
- listen to the zenmaster foo! ;)sea_sea
- <<<<<<<< this. there's 3 options. stay as is, move + marriage, or neither.shellie
- Mister20
^ speaks the truth.
Welcome to NYC
Where there are plenty of waitress with 2 kids.
- Peter0
If you're already compromising your happiness it sounds like you're already experiencing the complete joy of marriage.
One of the most common regret on peoples deathbeds; perhaps the most comon; is not having a crack at ones (bigger) dreams.
Not sure if studying is a dream of yours.
But if it is, and you want it, you go for it dood.
Work things out. Bring them all. I'm sure there are waitress jobs in NY. Or more.And judging by recent threads: stay away from Five Guys burgers.
- HijoDMaite0
haha, you guys are great. it really helps to read all this believe it or not. Gets me out of my little world.
p.s. where's the rapture when you need it!
- QBNdesignr0
Sweet girls can be manipulative, believe me, I know! and many guys are blind to see it. I think she could live with herself for doing that if it meant that you'd not be moving across the country. I don't exactly see why she is bringing up engagement, other than to try to get you to stick around. It doesn't make sense. Engaged people break up, married people split up... What good will you future life be if you end up resent her and her children for closing the door on your dreams?
It doesn't mean she is a rotten person, but yes, scared. But if it means she can get you to propose...then she got her way. That's a decision you should be coming to on you own terms.
If she's worth her weight and loves, and can't logistically move, she'll be there when you get back, or you two will make it through the couple years that you're gone.
- Sorry for the typos. I am typing curiously fast in this heated debate. lolQBNdesignr
- I think she craves the security. But yes that's what I'm saying. she equates grad school withHijoDMaite
- breakup and I don't.HijoDMaite
- randomname0
Who dates someone with two kids? Move in with her, or move elsewhere.
Who cares about marriage if you're afraid to move in with her at this point.
- It's more complicated than this. But I get your point.HijoDMaite
- no idea why you'd date someone with kids if you are not serious enough to get engagedanimatedgif
- I am serious enough to get engaged but I don't feel we are emotionally ready yet.HijoDMaite
- team_zissou0
Relax. Think of the sex.