girlfriend not supportive?
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- HijoDMaite
I want to apply for grad school in NYC for Fall 2012. She get's crazy every time I bring it up.
She says she would be more supportive if we were engaged. I don't feel we are ready to get married but I do not want to compromise my dreams and aspirations. She has two little girls to take care of so it's not like she can get up and move either.
Who is being selfish?
I tried to buy two plane tickets for NYC for Dec today and she didn't want to go, or at least didn't want to talk about it right now...
- ok_not_ok0
"She has two little girls to take care of ..."
There's you answer right there. Register now!
- yup not my kids but of course I love them.HijoDMaite
- DING DING DING DING DING DINGdMullins
- Mister20
"She has two little girls to take care of ..."
You are a class A dick.
- I should have worded it different. I just mean we are not married yet.HijoDMaite
- utopian0
you are FK'D if you do, and FK'D if you don't. Unfortunately, this is a classic quagmire.
- Mister20
Who pays the bills?
Do you live together?
Where are you now?
What does she do?
- Complexfruit0
Do you have to go to NY for grad school? What about something closer to her as a compromise?
- Journalism is in New York.
Yes there are options here too.
Also applying for Univ of MissouriHijoDMaite - Gotcha. Whatever you do, you should definitely pursue what you want. Good luck.Complexfruit
- Journalism let me stop your right there... That's like debt written all over it.Iggyboo
- Journalism is in New York.
- omg0
get engaged, but save the marriage til after grad school. then everyone wins
- this is what makes sense.
HijoDMaite - you have to want to get engaged not just toe the line to kae your dream come truefadein11
- this is what makes sense.
- Mister20
Who is going to pay for the bills while you are in school (either in school close by or in NYC)?
- ok_not_ok0
Do you really want to end up with somebody who doesn't have your back? Maybe she's the reason why she's not with the father of her kids?
I'm just guessing...but yes follow your dreams.
- QBNdesignr0
Sounds like she is in a different place in life, seeing as she has 2 children to care for, but to bring up being "more supportive" if you were engaged? It sounds like she is trying to trap you into staying with her/not leaving, or she isn't convinced that you'd come back if you left for grad school. (And no joke, I wouldn't blame you if you didn't want to leave NYC. It's amazing!)
IMO, she is being selfish in trying to stop you from perusing further education, especially if it is your dream. We're not exactly in a field where a graduate degree guarantees more money in the field, so maybe she doesn't see the point, but using engagement as a way to keep you around is a mistake. I would think she would at least hear you out.
I say, plan to visit, apply to the school anyway, and decide then, but don't let her derail your plans right now. For all you know, by Fall 2012, you two may be broken up, and you'll have closed the door or put the brakes your dreams for a relationship that no longer exists.
Buy a ticket, at least for yourself, and go see what it's about. NYC is very easy to navigate so you can do the trip alone, and perhaps when December rolls around, she will have a change of heart.
If you end up getting accepted to this school, you'll have all the cards on the table, and can make a decision then. At the very worst, you can decide not to go.
Good luck!
- It's Columbia, if I get accepted I'd be a fool to say no.HijoDMaite
- holy shit man, get in Columbia if they accept you.k_temp
- plash0
make a choice and so you can stop stringing her along
- akrok0
obvious, you two are not on the same page.
i am pretty sure, if you don't go. you will be sad later.
sure, you probably love her etc. but, if it's true love.
wouldn't she be there. later.good luck though.
- HijoDMaite0
I guess it's wrong for me to try and talk about these things when we aren't engaged. She probably gets scared.
- hey man, it's just a meaningless piece of paper....zarkonite
- HijoDMaite0
Who pays the bills? we pay our own.
Do you live together? no
Where are you now? san diego
What does she do? waitress
- oh good grief...
... RUN, Hijo... RUN. :)PonyBoy - You don't even live together??ETM
- nope and we like it that way. look at stats, our chances are better this way too.HijoDMaite
- paying double the bills seems like a good idea... wait.Amicus
- You don't really even know someone until you've lived with them. And in your case her 2 kids also.syst_m
- oh good grief...
- QBNdesignr0
Getting engaged is not the solution, but I am willing to guarantee that even if you were engaged, she still won't be ok with it if you leave.
She's just looking for the next level of manipulation to get what she wants.
P.S. I'm a girl
- P.S. I'm a girl
LOL!akrok - thank god you were here to say it this way, QBNdesignr - a guy couldn't say it like that :)PonyBoy
- I've played that game...I know how this shit works. Lol. However, I am in the same process with my bf right now, and we are not engaged, and I am happily packing my bags! Don't hate. lolQBNdesignr
- Don't they call people like that sociopaths?VikingKingEleven
- there are girls apart from Suttleklut on QBN?
autoflavour
- P.S. I'm a girl
- omg0
i see a future of this guy who ended up forgetting about college to take care of a family. he's totally happy now. though he works as a dishwasher at some restaurant. he says it is well worth it, because the smile he brings to his wife's kids are priceless. he didn't need grad school to wash dishes. dreams fade, but it may be time for you to get real. you can't feed a bunch of kids on a diploma!
- PonyBoy0
Why does she get upset when you bring up your goals and aspirations?
If she's not supportive of you and your pursuits of bettering yourself - I'd personally step back and really evaluate my love for this woman. It sounds like you're being strong-armed into doing something you're not sure of (getting engaged) simply so you can have her approval to continue on toward your own personal goals... ... that doesn't sound too loving to me.
The kids aren't yours - if you love them... so be it. That's your choice though. Where the FUCK is Baby-Daddy btw? (please don't say he was killed in Iraq or something... we need someone else to hate on here)
I hear what Mister is saying as far as who pays the bills now etc... but in the end - you haven't adopted those girls. Mommy can't let you pursue things important to you that you technically have every right to pursue... sounds awfully self-centered on her part (especially if "She get's crazy" whenever you bring it up).
- The daddy is around and paying the bills that he should be paying. So this is part of the reason whyHijoDMaite
- I don't understand why she is being so needy as if her and the kids will fall apart with out me for a little while.HijoDMaite
- Mister20
Who pays the bills? we pay our own.
Do you live together? no
Where are you now? san diego
What does she do? waitress
-----------Take the grad school.
- Mister20
To be honest, I dont trust a guy or girl who doesnt want you to leave for school and make a better life for your self.
You don't live together. You are not at the level to get engaged.
She is older than you.
- HijoDMaite0
@qbndesign: I do not think she is manipulating, she is very sweet and loving and I know her very well. She is just scared. Scared of being with a guy and never getting married like the father of her girls. I think i will buy one ticket and go visit alone. You are right so much could change in a year.
- your girl is scared to lose her protection.VikingKingEleven
- She never had protection, thas why she has kids.meffid
- hahaHijoDMaite