cry for help inspired by first legal-criminal issues/battles
- Started
- Last post
- 36 Responses
- DoktorDavid0
Fair enough - life has dealt you a bad hand and you are in a rough spot. Start with the basics - you are alive and you have a roof over your head and some food in your body. Start there and then take one small step at a time. Seek out a solid third party point of view/perspective and take another step in reclaiming your life. Don't try to do it all in one big chunk; slowly but surely you'll find that path.
Hang in there.
- monospaced0
Hahaha. What did you do to piss this dude off? Did you seriously find disturbing stuff and share it with his wife? That's not very smart. Did you seriously get involved, personally, with a client's private life? You clearly aren't telling the whole story.
And, why did you get into a fist fight with a senior citizen?
- the stuff i found wasnt something you let slide. and the client was like family... known since i was 7yrs oldapplepirate
- I seemonospaced
- Fax_Benson0
Forget losing the Mac and Creative suite, you'll get those again if you want them. Concentrate on your girlfriend and her son. Best thing you can do for them isn't to leave, it's to be positive - as hard as that is. You've got a chance to work out what you really want to do. Use it.
- the mac has been my outlet for communication/writin... for almost 20 years now. its amazing how integral it became in my day to dayapplepirate
- kult0
You don't have a single piece of work left from your portfolio at all? Why would you not be saving your work online, on a website, or any one of the thousands of free hosts out there?
- i have bits and pieces. just not the stuff im proud of which was mainly for bands + personalapplepirate
- applepirate0
my thoughts are so overwhelmingly negative/hopeless that i have found myself in such a dark place. its given me so much time to reflect on my past 9-12 years of "real life" and looking back it feels like a joke. someone elses life. like a book i cant put down. a movie i keep watching over and over and saying "wow i can really relate" but it still doesnt feel like it could possibly be the person that is in the place i am in today.
i no longer know who the fuck i am. i have dealt with severe depression bouts in the past but i always had work/family/friends/booze/thc to get me thru it. doing this all on my own for the first time is unreal. i dont know how. the horizon looks like a fight im just not capable of fighting.
- Amicus0
Fax_Benson is right. Forget about the possessions – the absolute worse thing in life is to lose your confidence. Even that has a silver lining though, cause you can control your level of confidence. Start doing the little things you know you can do well and make sure you celebrate every win – no matter how small.
Make your girlfriend or her son smile. That's a win. See a great sunset or run around the block – both wins. Do you have any trophies or medals you've won. Look at them often and picture yourself winning them.
During the worst year of my life – breaking up with the mother of my two children, being jobless and almost being evicted on numerous occasions I continually held the medals I've won from karate and visualised winning them over and over. I got very few creative gigs that year, failed miserably at a commision only sales job and finally got a crappy job moving tyres. That job barely covered the bills, and certainly wasn't the design gig I was looking for, but looking on the bright side I was fitter than I'd ever been and I had survived.
Survival itself became a win. 12 months after the breakup I started dating again and realised that life was good. It was another year or so before I got back into design, but with my confidence back I seemed to be able to date almost any girl I wanted, started winning medals at karate, strengthened my relationship with my kids and made many new friends.
My story above is only an abbreviation of the shit storm of 2005 is I've come to think of it, but things are going pretty damn good.
So work hard on your confidence, look on the bright side of things and keep hard at it.
:D
- wow. thank you for that. honestly. i cant wait to print this entire thread...applepirate
- the 7yr old smiling and the occasional "romp" with the missus have been the only things getting me by.applepirate
- applepirate0
ive poured myself into reading fiction like never before, just looking for chances to get out of my head(depression) long enough to have an epiphany.
been burning thru a solid 250-600 page novel a day for the last 10 days. catching up on all the stuff i said.... "well if i could ever just find the time to get off the mac long enough to read"
something about realizing i am "drifting" is a lot easier while reading a paperback. attempting to recall/retain what the hell the last paragraph was all about is really hard when your dwelling on personal shit. never realized what an amazing outlet a good book was until now. my ADD style of live/work having a mac on the lap with half the CS4 suite open, 3 browsers with 20+ tabs a piece, movies downloading for my future consumption was such an amazing way to tune out the real world by conning myself into thinking i was somehow more in touch with it.
the real world is now upon me. and its making me finally grow up and attempt at being an adult. i would have never expected it to take something like this to make it happen but it is what it is.
these first responses brought me out of a really deep hole i was in at 2am my time. Thx QBN(amicus,fax_benson, DoktorDavid)!
- You're welcome man - you've rec'd some good advice - small steps, bro.DoktorDavid
- drgss0
*bares toothless grin...
A-mee-ri-caaa...
- ? im puzzled by this one ?applepirate
- don't worry. no one understands himephix
- exador10
like most of the rest of us here, i suggest that you get to work son....work at building your confidence, work at building back the life you thought you had...
there's plenty of options available for you....as far as computers, you can get access to plenty of computer time at libraries and other community centers....don't have Adobe?..suck it up and use sumopaint.com or one of the many apps on aviary.com....they're not Adobe, but shit, if it's not a print job, you can actually do some decent work on those things....build up a bit of a portfolio again, but save that shit son...save it!....also, in 9 years of work, I'm guessing that SOMEWHERE on these internets is atleast a few URLS that bare your work...get em, print em, save them..whatever man...just start assembling a folio..however you need to do it....
start doing that, then build a plan for pounding the pavement and getting a new gig....surely in the past 9 years you've worked with someone that can either A) throw you some freelance work, or B) direct you to someone that can.....let's be honest here...if you've worked for that long, you've assembled an arsenal of skills and talent...that shit doesn't just fly away....it' doesn't disappear ,....it's still in you dude....you are STILL employable....so be positive man....if you still have both hands, and can still operate a mouse or a computer, you're STILL IN THE GAME!...you just took an inning out......that's all....
most cities and town's have some kind of business help centers or something...places where entrepenuers or small businesses can go for advice/assistance etc....a lot of these folks have needs for such things as logos/branding/small ads/business cards/ web sites/ shit like that...make your services available to them...just that alone can help build back your day to day life..having some real work to do, etc....
don't ditch the girlfriend....and don't be a downer either....just imagine how shit things would have been for you without her!...you OWE her son....and owe her big time for picking up your sorry ass and trying to help you...so now you owe it to everyone to live up to all their hardwork, by getting back on the horse and giving it your all....which you can do....no question about it....
show her son how a real man earns his way in life....by not feeling sorry for himself, and by NEVER giving up....also...exercise...go for walks with the family ....fix supper for them....clean the house up...in short, make your self useful and put a smile on their faces....this is no time to mope about....this is time to make things right....
now get going dude....there's plenty of advice and ideas and options in this thread....make a list, plan your attack and show your girlfriend and her son how they did the right thing by believing in you....
- lukus_W0
Sounds like you've had a tough time. Potentially, the bad stuff you've encountered is behind you. Try not to wallow in what's happened - the past has passed. Although it's a cliché - time really does heal.
Get some help for your depression.
Things will get better. Do something specific each day to improve your situation - even if it's a small thing, it will add up.
In the short term, just focusing on your diet and exercising will improve your mental well-being. Recognise that each of the positive things you do, is actually improving your situation - it'll help you see things more positively.
It might feel like being down on yourself is the worthy thing to do - but it's actually the easy way out, because it ensures that you stay paralysed.
Focusing on the negative stuff is pointless .. it only ensures that you'll stay static; you messed up & and you've had some bad luck - you know that .. stop beating yourself up and move on.
- applepirate0
this is obviously a deeply personal matter and i now after some sleep + encouraging words from the forum + enjoying a beautiful day outside with my dog... i am feeling pretty foolish for bringing this to QBN.
mental health is something i have always stuggled with and i guess being public about such an issue was my only coping skill at the moment. i was really worried at what kind of reactions the post would create but i am very thankful for the resounding positivity.
thank you again.
- applepirate0
thanks lukus...
I have been a health nut(raw food and no gluten) for a while after my first move to the bay area. i know one major problem im having is being off of my raw+gluten free diet. it made all the world of differences for me psch. but when your broke and living off of someone elses shopping list its tough to be on a specific diet plan.
not being active is a severe side effect of my depression as well as a integral part of its manifestation. i keep thinking "today your gonna go run your ass off with the dog..." then it just doesnt happen. no one to blame but myself.
im trying not to dwell on the bullshit believe me. i have always had heavy doses of THC to get me out of my "negative nancy" "worst case scenario" thinking... doing it sober is really dificult.
- rson0
Dude you have an interesting life. you are either, a complete dick, have really bad luck, or you are a liar.
- the baltimore+nyc adventures were all true. looking back... also 100% my fault for lack of planningapplepirate
- applepirate0
i have been a complete dick and a liar at times. i was a major alcoholic(used to drink whiskey like it was water). and nt/qbn has lots of proof of that b/c of my liquid courage+internet veiled presence.
i have had many friends tell me my "luck" sounds like total bullshit. i gain nothing by creating fantasies of horror in my life. it happens. maybe i should stop bringing it here.
- benfal990
applepirate, i know it must be very hard to see the positive and trying to imagine the end of all this. But, you will get better. Trust me. One step at a time man. You are in the middle of the storm right now, but the storm won't be there forever. The sun will shine again afterward and it will be the most shiny sun youll ever see. Try to talk with friends and/or relatives. Or even a psychologist, it would help you a lot. Good luck :)
;-) just wanted to make you smile with the above image btw ;-)
- ali0
It's not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.
EpictetusLearn and be stronger...
I've found Magnesium Chloride supplement to be very effective for anxiety/depressed feelings especially if you are used to a gluten free diet.
- thx for the magnesium chloride tip... never heard that one!applepirate
- http://www.real-depr…ali