blog

  • Started
  • Last post
  • 75,525 Responses
  • freedom-2

    Will you boycott Louis CK now?

    • the guy whipped his cock out to a few woman. big deal. Women should follow suit and whip their tits out.hotroddy
    • I doubt you'll need to boycott, seems like he is exiled from the industry now. Always thought he was kind of overrated anyway.yuekit
    • nope.Gnash
    • No.monospaced
    • Naysection_014
    • I have a high tolerance but when i heard his f****ing a baby joke, that was it for menotype
    • I never liked him...so fuck him anyways!oey
    • Nope.rabattski
    • No. I like flawed characterssince1979
    • I wouldnt want to be a female in a closed room with him though.since1979
    • art <---------------------------> artist.

      IMO
      DRIFTMONKEY
    • guy has some sick exhibitionist fetish. the fact the whole world knows about it is kind of odd.inteliboy
    • art <------------QBN------------> artist.oey
  • renderedred2

    Enjoying new FF. Not bad at all!

  • since1979-2

    Would you ever lie about your religious-affiliation to be with a woman that you wanted to be with?

    • with with with with with agghsince1979
    • if you wanna be with someone - openness and honesty is the first ingredient. it's attractive to be vulnerable unless she's a materialistic bitchSunSunSun_
    • yeah but some people only date within their religionsince1979
    • no if's, but's about itsince1979
    • if she is jewish, yes ;)OBBTKN
    • bingo.since1979
    • haha. I wouldn't. I would'nt. I'm clowning :/since1979
    • (or would I?)...since1979
    • (looks around room)since1979
    • are you circumcised?monospaced
    • ^ lol, mono :DGnash
    • if not, circumcise now in a cheap medical center and cross your fingersOBBTKN
    • of course I am. That's why I feel I could get away with it.since1979
    • well, you might get away with it if you're generously hung like one too :)monospaced
    • Fake it till you make it.pango
    • are you just looking to hit it and quit it?dorf
    • Im always looking for a soulmate to partner withsince1979
    • But i get it. Tge lie would end things quicklysince1979
    • Wgat a cinundrumsince1979
    • Damnit OB, that's what I came here to say.detritus
    • in Israel there was a case where an arab (Muslim?) faked being Jewish to sleep with a Jewish woman and was prosecuted for it, shit is fucked up :/sofas
    • Im not muslim or in israel hehehsince1979
    • priceless comments
      https://media.giphy.…
      notype
  • imbecile0

    solve: (821*15+52391)/11-436946

  • since19791

    I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream
    by Harlan Ellison
    Limp, the body of Gorrister hung from the pink palette; unsupportedhanging high above us in the
    computer chamber; and it did not shiver in the chill, oily breeze that blew eternally through the main
    cavern. The body hung head down, attached to the underside of the palette by the sole of its right foot.
    It had been drained of blood through a precise incision made from ear to ear under the lantern jaw.
    There was no blood on the reflective surface of the metal floor.
    When Gorrister joined our group and looked up at himself, it was already too late for us to realize
    that, once again, AM had duped us, had had its fun; it had been a diversion on the part of the machine.
    Three of us had vomited, turning away from one another in a reflex as ancient as the nausea that had
    produced it.
    Gorrister went white. It was almost as though he had seen a voodoo icon, and was afraid of the future.
    "Oh, God," he mumbled, and walked away. The three of us followed him after a time, and found him
    sitting with his back to one of the smaller chittering banks, his head in his hands. Ellen knelt down
    beside him and stroked his hair. He didn't move, but his voice came out of his covered face quite
    clearly. "Why doesn't it just do us in and get it over with? Christ, I don't know how much longer I can
    go on like this."
    It was our one hundred and ninth year in the computer.
    He was speaking for all of us.
    Nimdok (which was the name the machine had forced him to use, becauseAM amused itself with
    strange sounds) was hallucinating that there were canned goods in the ice caverns. Gorrister and I
    were very dubious. "It's another shuck," I told them. "Like the goddam frozen elephant AM sold us.
    Benny almost went out of his mind over that one. We'll hike all that way and it'll be putrified or some
    damn thing. I say forget it. Stay here, it'll have to come up with something pretty soon or we'll die."
    Benny shrugged. Three days it had been since we'd last eaten. Worms. Thick, ropey.
    Nimdok was no more certain. He knew there was the chance, but he was getting thin. It couldn't be
    any worse there, than here. Colder, but that didn't matter much. Hot, cold, hail, lava, boils or locustsit
    never mattered: the machine masturbated and we had to take it or die.
    Ellen decided us. "I've got to have something, Ted. Maybe there'll be some Bartlett pears or peaches.
    Please, Ted, let's try it."
    I gave in easily. What the hell. Mattered not at all. Ellen was grateful, though. She took me twice out
    of turn. Even that had ceased to matter. And she never came, so why bother? But the machine giggled
    every time we did it. Loud, up there, back there, all around us, he snickered. It snickered. Most of the
    time I thought of AM as it, without a soul; but the rest of the time I thought of it as him, in the
    masculine the paternal the patriarchal for he is a jealous people. Him. It. God as Daddy the
    Deranged.
    We left on a Thursday. The machine always kept us up-to-date on the date. The passage of time was
    important; not to us, sure as hell, but to him it AM. Thursday. Thanks.
    Nimdok and Gorrister carried Ellen for a while, their hands locked to their own and each other's
    wrists, a seat. Benny and I walked before and after, just to make sure that, if anything happened, it
    would catch one of us and at least Ellen would be safe. Fat chance, safe. Didn't matter.
    It was only a hundred miles or so to the ice caverns, and the second day, when we were lying out
    under the blistering sun-thing he had materialized, he sent down some manna. Tasted like boiled boar
    urine. We ate it.
    On the third day we passed through a valley of obsolescence, filled with rusting carcasses of ancient
    computer banks. AM had been as ruthless with its own life as with ours. It was a mark of his
    personality: it strove for perfection. Whether it was a matter of killing off unproductive elements in
    his own world-filling bulk, or perfecting methods for torturing us, AM was as thorough as those who
    had invented himnow long since gone to dustcould ever have hoped.
    There was light filtering down from above, and we realized we must be very near the surface. But we
    didn't try to crawl up to see.There was virtually nothing out there; had been nothing that could be
    considered anything for over a hundred years. Only the blasted skin of what had once been the home
    of billions. Now there were only five of us, down here inside, alone with AM.
    I heard Ellen saying frantically, "No, Benny! Don't, come on, Benny, don't please!"
    And then I realized I had been hearing Benny murmuring, under his breath, for several minutes. He
    was saying, "I'm gonna get out, I'm gonna get out " over and over. His monkey-like face was
    crumbled up in an expression of beatific delight and sadness, all at the same time. The radiation scars
    AM had given him during the "festival" were drawn down into a mass of pink-white puckerings, and
    his features seemed to work independently of one another. Perhaps Benny was the luckiest of the five
    of us: he had gone stark, staring mad many years before.
    But even though we could call AM any damned thing we liked, could think the foulest thoughts of
    fused memory banks and corroded base plates, of burnt out circuits and shattered control bubbles, the
    machine would not tolerate our trying to escape. Benny leaped away from me as I made a grab for
    him. He scrambled up the face of a smaller memory cube, tilted on its side and filled with rotted
    components. He squatted there for a moment, looking like the chimpanzeeAM had intended him to
    resemble.
    Then he leaped high, caught a trailing beam of pitted and corroded metal, and went up it, hand-overhand
    like an animal, till he was on a girdered ledge, twenty feet above us.
    "Oh, Ted, Nimdok, please, help him, get him down before" She cut off. Tears began to stand in her
    eyes. She moved her hands aimlessly.
    It was too late. None of us wanted to be near him when whatever was going to happen, happened.
    And besides, we all saw through her concern.When AM had altered Benny, during the machine's
    utterly irrational, hysterical phase, it was not merely Benny's face the computer had made like a giant
    ape's. He was big in the privates; she loved that! She serviced us, as a matter of course, but she loved
    it from him. Oh Ellen, pedestal Ellen, pristine-pure Ellen; oh Ellen the clean! Scum filth.
    Gorrister slapped her. She slumped down, staring up at poor loonie Benny, and she cried. It was her
    big defense, crying. We had gotten used to it seventy-five years earlier. Gorrister kicked her in the
    side.
    Then the sound began. It was light, that sound. Half sound and half light, something that began to
    glow from Benny's eyes, and pulse with growing loudness, dim sonorities that grew more gigantic
    and brighter as the light/sound increased in tempo. It must have been painful, and the pain must have
    been increasing with the boldness of the light, the rising volume of the sound, for Benny began to
    mewl like a wounded animal. At first softly, when the light was dim and the sound was muted, then
    louder as his shoulders hunched together: his back humped, as though he was trying to get away from
    it. His hands folded across his chest like a chipmunk's. His head tilted to the side. The sad little
    monkey-face pinched in anguish. Then he began to howl, as the sound coming from his eyes grew
    louder. Louder and louder. I slapped the sides of my head with my hands, but I couldn't shut it out, it
    cut through easily. The pain shivered through my flesh like tinfoil on a tooth.
    And Benny was suddenly pulled erect. On the girder he stood up, jerked to his feet like a puppet. The
    light was now pulsing out of his eyes in two great round beams. The sound crawled up and up some
    incomprehensible scale, and then he fell forward, straight down, and hit the plate-steel floor with a
    crash. He lay there jerking spastically as the light flowed around and around him and the sound
    spiraled up out of normal range.
    Then the light beat its way back inside his head, the sound spiraled down, and he was left lying there,
    crying piteously.
    His eyes were two soft, moist pools of pus-like jelly. AM had blinded him. Gorrister and Nimdok and
    myself we turned away. But not before we caught the look of relief on Ellen's warm, concerned face.
    Sea-green light suffused the cavern where we made camp. AM provided punk and we burned it,
    sitting huddled around the wan and pathetic fire, telling stories to keep Benny from crying in his
    permanent night.
    "What does AM mean?"
    Gorrister answered him. We had done this sequence a thousand times before, but it was Benny's
    favorite story. "At first it meant Allied Mastercomputer, and then it meant Adaptive Manipulator, and
    later on it developed sentience and linked itself up and they called it an Aggressive Menace, but by
    then it was too late, and finally it called itself AM, emerging intelligence, and what it meant was I am
    cogito ergo sum I think, therefore I am."
    Benny drooled a little, and snickered.
    "There was the Chinese AM and the Russian AM and the Yankee AM and" He stopped. Benny was
    beating on the floorplates with a large, hard fist. He was not happy. Gorrister had not started at the
    beginning.
    Gorrister began again. "The Cold War started and became World War Three and just kept going. It
    became a big war, a very complex war, so they needed the computers to handle it. They sank the first
    shafts and began building AM. There was the Chinese AM and the Russian AM and the Yankee AM
    and everything was fine until they had honeycombed the entire planet, adding on this element and that
    element. But one day AM woke up and knew who he was, and he linked himself, and he began
    feeding all the killing data, until everyone was dead, except for the five of us, and AM brought us
    down here."
    Benny was smiling sadly. He was also drooling again. Ellen wiped the spittle from the corner of his
    mouth with the hem of her skirt. Gorrister always tried to tell it a little more succinctly each time, but
    beyond the bare facts there was nothing to say. None of us knew why AM had saved five people, or
    why our specific five, or why he spent all his time tormenting us, or even why he had made us
    virtually immortal
    In the darkness, one of the computer banks began humming. The tone was picked up half a mile away
    down the cavern by another bank. Then one by one, each of the elements began to tune itself, and
    there was a faint chittering as thought raced through the machine.
    The sound grew, and the lights ran across the faces of the consoles like heat lightening. The sound
    spiraled up till it sounded like a million metallic insects, angry, menacing.
    "What is it?" Ellen cried. There was terror in her voice. She hadn't become accustomed to it, even
    now.
    "It's going to be bad this time," Nimdok said.
    "He's going to speak," Gorrister said. "I know it."
    "Let's get the hell out of here!" I said suddenly, getting to my feet.
    "No, Ted, sit down what if he's got pits out there, or something else, we can't see, it's too dark."
    Gorrister said it with resignation.
    Then we heard I don't know
    Something moving toward us in the darkness. Huge, shambling, hairy, moist, it came toward us. We
    couldn't even see it, but there was the ponderous impression of bulk, heaving itself toward us. Great
    weight was coming at us, out of the darkness, and it was more a sense of pressure, of air forcing itself
    into a limited space, expanding the invisible walls of a sphere. Benny began to whimper. Nimdok's
    lower lip trembled and he bit it hard, trying to stop it. Ellen slid across the metal floor to Gorrister and
    huddled into him. There was the smell of matted, wet fur in the cavern. There was the smell of
    charred wood. There was the smell of dusty velvet. There was the smell of rotting orchids. There was
    the smell of sour milk. There was the smell of sulphur, of rancid butter, of oil slick, of grease, of chalk
    dust, of human scalps.
    AM was keying us. He was tickling us. There was the smell of
    I heard myself shriek, and the hinges of my jaws ached. I scuttled across the floor, across the cold
    metal with its endless lines of rivets, on my hands and knees, the smell gagging me, filling my head
    with a thunderous pain that sent me away in horror. I fled like a cockroach, across the floor and out
    into the darkness, that something moving inexorably after me. The others were still back there,
    gathered around the firelight, laughing their hysterical choir of insane giggles rising up into the
    darkness like thick, many-colored wood smoke. I went away, quickly, and hid.
    How many hours it may have been, how many days or even years, they never told me. Ellen chided
    me for "sulking," and Nimdok tried to persuade me it had only been a nervous reflex on their partthe
    laughing.
    But I knew it wasn't the relief a soldier feels when the bullet hits the man next to him. I knew it wasn't
    a reflex. They hated me. They were surely against me, and AM could even sense this hatred, and
    made it worse for me because of the depth of their hatred. We had been kept alive, rejuvenated, made
    to remain constantly at the age we had been when AM had brought us below, and they hated me
    because I was the youngest, and the one AM had affected least of all.
    I knew. God, how I knew. The bastards, and that dirty bitch Ellen. Benny had been a brilliant theorist,
    a college professor; now he was little more than a semi-human, semi-simian. He had been handsome,
    the machine had ruined that. He had been lucid, the machine had driven him mad. He had been gay,
    and the machine had given him an organ fit for a horse.AM had done a job on Benny. Gorrister had
    been a worrier. He was a connie, a conscientious objector; he was a peace marcher; he was a planner,
    a doer, a looker-ahead. AM had turned him into a shoulder-shrugger, had made him a little dead in his
    concern.AM had robbed him. Nimdok went off in the darkness by himself for long times. I don't
    know what it was he did out there, AM never let us know. But whatever it was, Nimdok always came
    back white, drained of blood, shaken, shaking. AM had hit him hard in a special way, even if we
    didn't know quite how. And Ellen. That douche bag! AM had left her alone, had made her more of a
    slut than she had ever been. All her talk of sweetness and light, all her memories of true love, all the
    lies she wanted us to believe: that she had been a virgin only twice removed before AM grabbed her
    and brought her down here with us. No, AM had given her pleasure, even if she said it wasn't nice to
    do.
    I was the only one still sane and whole. Really!
    AM had not tampered with my mind. Not at all.
    I only had to suffer what he visited down on us. All the delusions, all the nightmares, the torments.
    But those scum, all four of them, they were lined and arrayed against me. If I hadn't had to stand them
    off all the time, be on my guard against them all the time, I might have found it easier to combat AM.
    At which point it passed, and I began crying.
    Oh, Jesus sweet Jesus, if there ever was a Jesus and if there is a God, please please please let us out of
    here, or kill us. Because at that moment I think I realized completely, so that I was able to verbalize it:
    AM was intent on keeping us in his belly forever, twisting and torturing us forever. The machine
    hated us as no sentient creature had ever hated before.And we were helpless. It also became
    hideously clear:
    If there was a sweet Jesus and if there was a God, the God was AM.

    (continued...)

  • scarabin_net1

    ugh. was hungover and thought breakfast at jack in the box would be a good idea. had an egg and regret biscuit with a side of regretbrowns.

    not my best decision ever

  • SunSunSun_1

    hmmm, I've been leaving nuts for a squirrel outside my window and now he thumps the glass with both paws occasionally when he goes by

  • mg330

    I am coughing / hocking up some serious sinus garbage that makes me want an actual spittoon at my desk to prevent ducking away to the bathroom ever 15 minutes. I mean, that would be the polite thing to do, right?

  • notype0

    Anyone ever go backpacking on a total whim?

    Where'd you go?
    How was your time?

  • detritus1

    @mg33 - when I was about 20 or so I was around at a friend's place having a heavy smoking session - quite stupidly whilst I had quite a 'productive' cold, so was hocking large glutinous blobs of phlegm into a Red Bull can (so, quite definitely a twenty-something...).

    I'd been doing this all afternoon, so by evening there was quite a weight of phlegm in the can, mixed up with a small percentage of stinky-sweet Red Bull.

    One of my best friends was going through a bit of a .. well, 'strange' time in his life, so came visiting the house shit-faced drunk, rowdy and frenetic. In sum, a complete pain in the arse. He wasn't in a good place, in his defence.

    So he comes in and threatens to eat my friend Carmen's goldfish, going so far as to grab it by the tail and dangle it above his gaping mouth, to which Carmen wasn't particularly pleased. He didn't commit, thankfully, so dropped the little fish back in its bowl. The he spied my can of Red Bull, and before anyone could say anything, grabbed at it and glugged heartily.

    This glugging lasted about 2.5 microseconds before he realised something was very seriously amiss, he threw the can down, retched like he was about to invert, then chundered my room-temperature massing of Red Bull-sweetened phlegm across a table and, sadly, Carmen, before running to the bathroom to be wholly and utterly sick.

    It's in my top ten funny moments in my life and any time it comes up in conversation with him, some primal memory comes back and he winces and starts retching.

    So fucking funny.

    Anyway, a spitoon's probably a better bet tham an old drinks can.

    • Cool story broglllrreurghh!!OBBTKN
    • I started reading. once I realized where this may end I stopped. ewGnash
  • section_01413

    I'm showing a co-worker parts of a site I'm working on. I'm already logged in as admin, and don't want to end the session. Since Firefox is setup to run into my proxy server at home, I open up an Incognito window for Chrome.

    Except, my brain goes into auto-pilot and starts typing in my goto pr0n site as soon as I open it. I got about 4 or 5 characters deep (enough to know), before I start furiously back-spacing. Luckily, it was a dude. I acted like it never happened.

  • Nutter0

    The story behind Jonathan Ive's wallpaper cover:

    https://medium.com/greattechnolo…

    • https://www.dezeen.c…detritus
    • knowing him its a miracle it didn't just end up as a white room with nothing in itNutter
    • The Twin Towers of absolute design wankery. The last time I looked at wallpaper* it was 87% adverts for rickety Italian furniture.face_melter
    • a match made in heaven thenhans_glib
    • who reads wallpaper anymore?inteliboy
  • Gardener1

    swans in the rear view mirror are closer than they appear

    http://coub.com/view/ztoed

  • SunSunSun_13

    I was last in here probably more than 8 years ago. Nice to see almost all the same names still here over the last few days. It's like a community from the past I feel anonymously part of that is always here.

  • detritus2

    I've probably said it beforehand, but the minute someone invents a computer that can feel pain, I'm buying one.

    I have 30+ years of built up frustration to vent on it.

    .

    (My computer just instaCrashed half way through a long and convoluted email I was writing. I had to go and have a 5 minute walk out in the cold, lest I destroyed something valuable. TBF, it's some stupid hardware problem, and I built the computer, so presumably it's my fault. Still angry though).

  • HijoDMaite0

    Nothing more frustrating than my iPhone 7 Plus taking forever to send iMessages and sometimes never even sending them. Why in God’s name is this happening? My wifi is turned on at work, but I am not connected to my work’s WiFi. So why the fuck is it even using iMessage?? The worst part of this is when you do a Google search you find nothing about how to fix this!

    Just updated iOS, have rebooted several times...

    • innova...utopian
    • Go to Settings > FaceTime. Turn FaceTime off, then back on.Gnash
    • You'll see a message that it’s waiting for activation. If asked, tap ‘use Apple ID for FaceTime.’Gnash
    • make sure there's a checkmark next to your numberGnash
    • Ok done.HijoDMaite
  • Maaku2

    What is the need to have a team meeting at 5:30?

    • Boss doesn't want to go home to his wife? Had one like that once.i_monk
    • haha so trueOP31
  • fourth6

    Update on the 'I hooked up with the hottest girl at the wedding' posts I've been making:

    We spent this past weekend together and it was like we were in our own little world. She has a funny and weird side that I would've never guessed. There are about 4-5 qualities that I look for from my past relationships- and she has them all. It went from kind of awkward for the first few hours... to 'we're together' in an instant.

    The only downside is she lives 9 hours away, but that shouldn't stop me.

    • Make it happen, my future wife lives in DR :)Maaku
    • oh that's the nice thing about love...
      you're in trouble :)
      sted
    • move!dorf
    • Not that far. GF lived in Bath and I London. Made the time to see her weekly and still was a dad weekend. Totally doable - good luckmugwart
    • yeeeeh bbbbbbboi!scruffics
    • Make her move, why do you have to do all the leg work? ;-)Ianbolton
    • thanks guys, trying to not think too far ahead but I am more mobile with my career where as she can't relocate as easilyfourth
    • pffft.. 9 hours.. the first 6 month of my relationship we were Sydney to Germany apart.. you make it happen.autoflavour
  • inteliboy2

    why are those DC movies so ugly? bunch of video game desaturated brown turd.

    • Marvel ones aren't much better, apart from the two GotG titles and the recent Thor everything looks like grey television mince. Civil war looks atrocious.face_melter
    • Makes me wonder if the clowns who make these things have actually seen a comic in their life.face_melter
    • Gritty Realism™i_monk
    • ^ is that the name of the plug in they use in post-production?Ianbolton
    • ^^ nar we have to do this by hand!mugwart
    • needless to say, crushed black?autoflavour
  • freedom0

    Ever find anyone who copied your ideas?

    • "Good artists copy; great artists steal."
      - Pablo Picasso
      utopian
    • My old art teacher ripped one of my paintings for his 'exhibition'. He's in prison now for fiddling with students. Karma, bitch.MrT
    • Hahahahahahhahahahah... I showed someone one of my idea. She won an award for it...pango