Depressed Girlfriend

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  • ArmandoEstrada0

    Scientology.

    Seriously though, sounds like she wants to be around her family ad friends. One of those people who find comfort in familiar surroundings. Tell her to go back home and regroup. Its not the job and its not you.

  • ok_not_ok0

    jj/k. It's not meant to be dude. Do you see yourself marrying this girl?

  • sea_sea0

    what's clear is she doesn't want to go back to work, so maybe help her find a job? a hobby? does she vocalize what would make her happy?

    if you're planing on sticking around, then maybe plan a weekend getaway with her? i don't know whatever you guys are into, just make it about you guys.

    Why is the mom so insensitive? is this something your gf has done before??

    it's never easy to be in a relationship when our dark stuff comes up, all i can say is if you feel she's worth it, it can really take your relationship to a higher level. it's definitely a lot to ask of someone to put up with our crap, so if you're not feeling her, it's better to let her go now. good luck alias.

    • < what do you know about girls GIRL?!?!moldero
    • ;)moldero
    • hey i'm just sayin'!! lolsea_sea
    • I think you just confirmed to me that this girl wants to be a housewife and needs to be pregosyurimon
    • thanksaliastime
    • lol, what's interesting yurimon is that you imply house wives have little to no value. with all due respect, let me remind you your mother was once prego as well. work and/or be a mom, it's a gawdamn full time job.sea_sea
    • that your mother was once prego as well. work and/or be a mom, it's a gawdamn full time job.sea_sea
    • Not True, I recommend it cause I Value it. Now git that oven baking little missy. put some bread in that oven.yurimon
    • if you want to be important and valuable. :)yurimon
  • aliastime0

    ^ The mom earned her Ph.D. while being a single mother working full-time. She's no slacker. She also plays a big role in my girlfriend's support system (emotional, financial, etc.).

    I think she just doesn't see what her daughter has to be depressed about.

    • yea, i get it, and she's probably right. sometimes we stress over things we make up in our own head.sea_sea
  • aliastime0

    There's some good advice here. And I'm slightly shocked no one has asked for pics :)

    I'm trying to help her find another job. She's currently a reporter for our local paper, so I put together a little responsive landing page as an introduction with links to her clippings and writing samples. It's tough for her b/c we live in a small job market, yet I've had very good luck with finding good jobs here with good pay.

    I agree with monNom that I should probably curb some of my responsibilities to be there for her more. She is lonely, but I can't be her only friend here. Some of my friend's girlfriends/wives like her, but don't really call her up to go hang out.

    To add to this mess, she's starting to apply for jobs out of town, which I REALLY don't want to leave, but it might be the only chance she has at finding a job she's happy with.

    What a shit show...

    • since you mentioned... pic?pango
    • down pango!ohhhhhsnap
    • i fucking love discontent... you both have an opportunity to really grow. i envy you ;)ohhhhhsnap
  • d_rek0

    My wife has suffered through bouts of depression ranging from mild to severe since knowing her, which will be 4 years this year.

    She takes antidepressants (zoloft, or it's generic) daily to combat what a very real chemical imbalance in her. Without them she is literally a manic depressive trainwreck that is barely capable of functioning in the real world. But on her med she is an amazing, thoughtful, warm, and tender person who is not only my best friend and wife but also an amazing mother to our 2yr old daughter.

    Believe me when I say it's incredibly difficult for people who don't suffer the same conditions to understand what they're going through. There is simply no way for you to empathize with her unless you yourself have had a similar chemical imbalance causing you to suffer through bouts of depression.

    It's not easy. It never will be.

    At times you will be incredibly confused, frustrated, angry, dismissive, apathetic towards her. But it's all part of the territory.

    Eventually you will start to recognize distinct triggers and flags for certain types of depressive behavior. This doesn't make it easier to cope with, only easier to understand what's happening. Easier for you to excuse the things she will say and do, all the while thinking there is no excuse. Again you will not understand (even now I do not truly understand it.)

    The only advice I can give you is if you love this person then you will not leave them. You will not encourage self destructive thought patterns and behavior. You will encourage them and be positive when they are discourage and at their absolute lowest. It will take a lot of energy and effort emotionally on your part. It is never ending. Trying to stay positive and upbeat becomes almost a full time job.

    You will break down.

    You will say things to them that are mean and hurtful and will make them cry. You will say the worst possible thing to them at the worst possible time. It will seem unconscionable. You will do it anyway.

    It's not easy. This is a big giant rant. But that's kind of how living with someone with clinical depression is like - a big giant emotional rollercoaster.

    Or better yet it's like a train. You can see it coming most of the time but you're totally powerless to stop it. You can either go along for the ride or get off that track altogether. The choice is yours.

    Do what's right for you.

    • Damn, d_rek. Seems you know how to foresee the benefits of long struggle. Thanks for opening up.aliastime
    • my respects to you d_rek, it takes great character and a level of maturity to stand by the woman you love.sea_sea
    • Wise wordsbabaganush
    • +1,000,000 -- well stated!Crack_Junkie
  • pango0

    I have a friend who suffer from depression as well. she does have a passion for some really messed up writing tho. still depressed none the less. Insomnia, self harm, isolating self from people and alcoholic what not. I'm not really the best kind of friend for this type of people. I don't know what to do for her but drink with her....

  • pango0

    @d_rek. I can't help but think your a good man. not sure how anyone can stay positive all the time. I can't stay positive 30% of the time already. I sometime think I might have mild depression my self that's why I attract people like that when they are obviously avoiding everyone else. but I doubt it. I'm probably just low on booze. and I still have pretty good control. anyway... ya although I have quite a few friends like that I'm still clueless on what to do but stay by their side.

  • omg0

  • cannonball19780

    As someone who suffers from depression, my advice would be to recognize the difference between being there for her, and being with her in her depression.

    The latter can be a slippery slope and will cause you to take on undue stress. The former is more like being nearby at all times, but outside the depression emotionally. Taking this position allows her to "see" you on the other side of it and provides a clear counterpoint.

    My advice is to be there for her, but never do the work for her. It's her job to get herself out of it and she is the only person who can do that for herself.

    • good point...pango
    • very good advice,
      georgesIII
    • ok... it seems like i've been enabling them... = =pango
  • cruddlebub0

    just fuck like she's never been fucked before...

    just becasue...

  • drgs0

    Buy her flowers?

  • dee-dubs0

    Depending on what meds she has started taking and how she reacts to them, things can get "a lot" worse before they get better, and it can be painfully slow 4-6 weeks for things to improve.

    If she starts to notice windows of optimism no matter how small, then it would be a sign they are starting to work and those windows should start to get bigger with time.

  • Ianbolton0

    This post makes me depressed. Only joking; d-rek, your story gave me belief that humans still have empathy. You're a good man. To expect everyone to be positive all the time is impossible, but that emotional rollercoaster is sometimes enjoyable. It makes you realise you're actually alive. I guess?!
    You'll know if you want to stick with her aliastime. To be fair, I've had a girlfriend who I loved but their dependence on me only fueled her depression. She had no reason to see her friends when she thought she could get everything she needed from me. It wasn't until we broke up, we went our separate ways, and she sorted herself out. She's now happily married with two kids. We still talk every now and then, but it takes a lot of guts to tell someone you love you want to finish things because you know it's not best for her.

  • boobs0

    People are not depressed "about something." It's not like if a certain thing happens, or someone says a certain thing, that a person will become depressed. Depression is different from sadness.

    People in all circumstances can become depressed. Rich people, powerful people, beautiful people, popular people, can all become depressed.

    Depression is inherently a distorted view of reality. Even good news seems like bad news to a depressed person.

    Also, depressed people usually have no clue why they really are depressed. They may say, "Oh, I'm depressed about this." But that is usually a red herring. Because if you change "this" a depressed person will probably not suddenly be cheered up. They will stay depressed.

    Essentially, depression is uncontrollable, off-the-scale anxiety that paralyzes a person. The anxiety is so bad, that even normal, everyday things become fraught with fears and hazards. Some depressed people even become afraid of sleep.

  • CALLES0

    dump her and watch her blossom in a happy, motivated, fit, slim, hot, girl she was when you meet her

    • What he means is "before you ruined her life".ORAZAL
  • formed0

    Find a hobby you both can enjoy. Mostly because you'll be there to make sure she does it. No cure all, but finding something you care about and that engages your mind is a good thing for everyone.

    Too many people sit around and "think". Too much thinking isn't good for anyone, you dwell on the past, the "what ifs" and "coulda beens". Your mind needs to relax and you need to "live".

    I would recommend the Power of Now. It is an easy read, there's audio books. Much better than the Secret (which, if you want that, watch "What the Bleep", it is a better, less Hollywood-ized version that makes a lot more sense).

    Good luck. It sucks seeing people you care about suffer.

    • Try to keep her out the house as much as possible even if it's watching silent movies by herself at the theater.ORAZAL
  • mg330

    Serious thread is serious but I randomly came across this photo and wondered if it was the two of you, because they make a "couples" Snuggie that two people fit in. It'd definitely bring you closer together.

  • CALLES0

    what happened to this?