Client of the Day
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- 397 Responses
- drgs0
Pay $860 to design a magazine front cover
- drgs0
- Wow. Yes, clearly that's how "no offense" works. hahahahaMondoMorphic
- lolset
- Same as the train of thought that shouting 'prank' afterwards somehow makes it all okset
- should reply with "No Offence: you are ugly and have only 1 brain cell, and it's got dementia."shapesalad
- drgs1
- fisheye0
Clien is sending comments on .pdf presentation in e-mail text. I ask her to comment in .pdf. She copies text to word file and exports it to .pdf.
- Just had a client return a brochure with amends. They think they are slick and clever by using Acrobat to just change the text without comments.Hayzilla
- Sent it back to him asking him to flag specific text he amended in the 40pp document. He was like "cant you just replace it all" +1hr studio time it is then.LOLHayzilla
- MrT3
Working on the new brand rollout for everyone’s favorite Australian shopping centre monopoly. Three meetings in the last five working days, turned up to each only to be told the decision maker is too busy to attend. 20 minutes pretending we’re progressing things listening to a couple of millennials talk about their on-brand drop-shadow specifications.
To top it all they scheduled each meeting for 4pm leaving us to get out of the centre of Sydney in rush hour.Wankers.
- sted0
I usually do banners for a friend who asked me today to help him out in a print design:
- Proof is ready how should I send it to you?
- Wetransfer is fine.
- ¯\_(ツ)_/¯- You meant print proof? Digital 'proofs' are a thing, much as I don't really get or trust them.detritus
- yeah, digital proofs are the norm now, unless it's super color sensitive, etcmonospaced
- trooperbill0
client thinks i can effectively seo and generate leeds on a 12 page website that contains nothing but fee information without adding landing pages ffs.
- sinjun10
Client takes me out for lunch last August
After going waaaaaay over the time (due to them faffing) I originally had planned to finish the job and charging them nothing extra. Finished - Looks great.
Client asks me to do another job
Explain I can’t do it as I’ve taken on a full-time role.
Client asks me to pay for half the lunch (6 months later)
- absolutely insane! never speak with this person again.capn_ron
- lol. awesomeGnash
- pay for it. lolumbee54
- fuck it... step up as the biz owner (they're the client after all) and pay for the WHOLE lunch. Then, in good biz owner form—send a bill for the 'faffing' time.PonyBoy
- I had to Urban Dictionary "faffing"Krassy
- pay them for half the lunch in penniesKrassy
- They gave me their Paypal... Everytime I think about paying it I just end up laughing to myself and closing the browser... It's only £25 lolsinjun
- pay the whole amount, as pony suggestedGnash
- Pay the whole thing. Lolpango
- Lunch 6 months ago? Go the penny route
And throw some pocket lint in there.futurefood - pay them in notes with I AM A CUNT written on them in black marker.microkorg
- haha yea, bind them with Set PSBfuturefood
- Mail a carton of vomit, tell them you are returning the lunch.shapesalad
- ^lolmoldero
- Send it over Venmo and be vocal about paying for a 6 months old half-lunch....everyb... will see that.Maaku
- pay the lunch without another word saidimbecile
- Buy whatever you had for lunch, freeze it for 6 months and then mail it to them. Frozen no packaging, just place it on a cardboard packaging boxMiguex
- sprinkle food with packing peanutsMiguex
- pay everything. charge farfisa time. fuck them.oey
- http://blog.goldenea…VectorMasked
- Just pay this silently, no words. They have connections as well and they also speak to other people. You just don't know the future.mugwart
- Pay full- and send thank you swagnotype
- pay him in strip club billsmekk
- aslip10
Used a stock image of an industrial building for a client publication ad. Just got email requesting the 3D file of the building.
- ‘fax over asap’prophetone
- They want to rotate the view to see the building from the other side. Can't you just 'photoshop' that?ETM
- Even better... They want to use it for a VR experience.aslip
- "Just use the 3D button in photoshop, I remember using it years ago." Clientwhatthefunk
- Send them a file with a few cubes and say all the detail was in the textures and that you can't send those because of policy.face_melter
- makes me sweat just thinking about those types of clientsSunSunSun_
- monoboy2
I had my first 'please put Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, trip-advisor and Youtube icons at the bottom' of a printed item of the year.
Then the follow up consternation when I explain why that's a bad idea.
- In isolation, with no call to action or context. The usual.monoboy
- Why is it bad idea to list the links? Or just the icons and no other info?bainbridge
- Just the icons. Completely pointless.monoboy
- IMO, if you have to put any social media stuff in print, you're doing it wrong.monoboy
- monoboy-1
Is it wrong that...
Clients that mark up changes to PDF artwork on Basecamp by printing it out, scribbling unreadable notes on it, scan it, then save as a PDF and send it back via email outside of Basecamp make me want to bomb a town.
Seriously. For fucks sake.
- sted3
An old client of mine who was a domain broker died last year in april. His kid who is an "artist" (shitty painter) contacted me to build a site where he can sell the domains and do some consultation because he has no idea how these things work.
We build and audited a dedicated server, developed the whmcs+wocommerce extensions for domain as product management, and started creating the shop. We had some awesome ideas to create something what isn't looks like garbage and actually sells the stuff. After 2 f. months on the design the site looks like something from the '90, and well we have to stick with that. Quick development, most of the stuff we wanted will be in the second phase.He started being an asshole after the third month saying that the site is shit and the didn't sold a single domain. I told him that he should think about the prices and we need to develop the marketing tools.
Now after 3 months of silence I got a CALL from his secretary because he was thinking that we paid for the server and only we can contact the support and the site was down.
It turned out that it's nothing serious just a scheduled maintenance at the hosting company.checked the site he is down to 5k per domain lol. and back in bed with his dads old partners Uniregistry Market :)
rocmary dot com it's a fucking beauty.
- Looks more like a site from the early 00s! ;)
.
His prices are a little... er.. I'd just choose something else, personally. Fuck thatdetritus - as a canuck, the 'group of seven' domain is a good oneGnash
- Too much for a bunch of random ass names.Maaku
- damn, no wonder he isn't selling domains. they aren't worth what he's asking. groupofseven.com hahaha.capn_ron
- ^ I think that one has at least that valueGnash
- fuck him, these domain squatters are the worst human beings, up there with traffic ticket "cops". I hope he doesn't sell a single one._niko
- The site is not as bad as I pictured in my mind. But it's close.ETM
- shitest domains ever.microkorg
- Looks more like a site from the early 00s! ;)
- monoboy0
Got talking to a neighbour recently about design and marketing.
Family business (son) that turns over £8.4m and has the worst set of comms I've seen in ages.
Convo developed into doing a proposal for his company website that he 'took down' because he didn't like it. He has a holding page up, but google still picks up all the old live pages. Fucking mess.
'I don't want to spend much.'
Fair enough, you don't need to really, it still sort of works. Suggested turning it into a two pager with a list of services, contacts, newsletter signup. Done. Full proposal sent, cost peanuts.
'Cool. Can we do it before Xmas. Can you send me some samples'
So I send my credentials doc.
No response after a week.
I follow up again. Still no response.
Geezer lives across the road and won't even email me back.
Hilarious.
I laugh because I suspect he thinks I'd do it for free and didn't actually read the proposal.
- I couldn't really say no. Wanted to. Glad I don't have to now. ha.monoboy
- comms?ArmandoEstrada
- Communications.monoboy
- Ask him if he'll give you a few thousand bucks worth of whatever the fuck they sell or do and see how that goes down.BusterBoy
- That'd be cool. They supply huge construction machines, diggers, JCBs etc. Love a go.monoboy
- monoboy0
'Any chance you could do that thing we talked about by close of play today?'
You mean the thing I wrote a fully costed proposal for three week ago that you clearly haven't read yet?
'Oh, yes. Happy to go ahead.'
I'd say chances were slim and none. And slim just left town.
- Play today?ArmandoEstrada
- UK colloquialism for the 'end of the working day'.monoboy
- monoboy0
Ball or rage after reading supplied content. Week fucking one.
Doesn't fit the design, not on brand. Reads like a phone book.
Getting too old for this shit.
- monoboy3
'We'd like to enhance our digital marketing, I want more sales.'
Great, lets do a review and make some plans.
'Great, but we don't have much budget'
OK.
Your priority issues are; weak website content and a really bad online ticketing system. The drop off is horrendous. It's actually a barrier to sales.
I'd invest in a new system that you can integrate with marketing campaigns like a sales funnel. I'd also update your website to clarify your offer, get better messaging out.
'Sounds costly'.
It's an investment that'll pay for itself.
'We've decided to spend £15K on a TripAdvisor campaign instead.'
Traffic isn't the issue, it's the drop off.
'I'm keen to try it'.
OK.
12 months later.
'We need to fix our ticketing system but we don't have much budget.'
- monoboy0
Here comes another moan...
Working all weekend (and most of a fortnight) on a decent sized brochure job.
I get it ready to go at the crack of dawn today, all lined up for a digital print on nice stock.
Super tight deadline, seat of pants stuff.
Get an email this morning whilst it's on press...
'Is it too late to change it from A4 to A5?'
- monoboy0
Last moan of the week (I love 'em really)...
Setting the scene... this is a client I've tried to set up on basecamp for a sizeable print job with five different stakeholders, but they all still email me, including 90mb attachments.
"I find it hard to feedback on PDFs. Could you copy the text into a word document and send it to me so I can edit and send back?"
Sure, how about we use google docs so we can easily edit together and post it on basecamp for everyone to feedback on.
"Yeah, that's fine."
Great. Set up file, share permissions. I can see the dude has logged on and starts editing.
---
In an email later on that day...
"I've edited the text. Here it is. Can you put it in the visual."
It's an attached word doc.
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Fuck my life.