Clients from HELL!!!
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- FredMcWoozy0
“My wife really hates blue. So does my secretary.”
- FredMcWoozy0
When I get a business card this size (not 3.5 x 2 inches), I think that that person is a fag.
- felizfeliz0
http://www.digitalsurvivors.com/…
"If Architects Had to Work Like Web Designers
Unknown
January 10, 2002
Please design and build me a house. I am not quite sure of what I need, so you should use your discretion. My house should have somewhere between two and forty-five bedrooms. Just make sure the plans are such that the bedrooms can be easily added or deleted. When you bring the blueprints to me, I will make the final decision of what I want. Also, bring me the cost breakdown for each configuration so that I can arbitrarily pick one.Keep in mind that the house I ultimately choose must cost less than the one I am currently living in. Make sure, however, that you correct all the deficiencies that exist in my current house (the floor of my kitchen vibrates when I walk across it, and the walls don't have nearly enough insulation in them).
As you design, also keep in mind that I want to keep yearly maintenance costs as low as possible. This should mean the incorporation of extra-cost features like aluminum, vinyl, or composite siding. (If you choose not to specify aluminum, be prepared to explain your decision in detail.)
Please take care that modern design practices and the latest materials are used in construction of the house, as I want it to be a showplace for the most up-to-date ideas and methods. Be alerted, however, that kitchen should be designed to accommodate, among other things, my 1952 Gibson refrigerator.
To insure that you are building the correct house for our entire family, make certain that you contact each of our children, and also our in-laws. My mother-in-law will have very strong feelings about how the house should be designed, since she visits us at least once a year.
Make sure that you weigh all of these options carefully and come to the right decision. I, however, retain the right to overrule any choices that you make.
Please don't bother me with small details right now. Your job is to develop the overall plans for the house: Get the big picture. At this time, for example, it is not appropriate to be choosing the color of the carpet. However, keep in mind that my wife likes blue.
Also, do not worry at this time about acquiring the resources to build the house itself. Your first priority is to develop detailed plans and specifications. Once I approve these plans, however, I would expect the house to be under roof within 48 hours.
While you are designing this house specifically for me, keep in mind that sooner or later I will have to sell it to someone else. It therefore should have appeal to a wide variety of potential buyers.
Please make sure before you finalize the plans that there is a consensus of the population in my area that they like the features this house has. I advise you to run up and look at my neighbor's house that he constructed last year. We like it a great deal. It has many features that we would also like in our new home, particularly the 75-foot swimming pool. With careful engineering, I believe that you can design this into our new house without impacting the final cost.
Please prepare a complete set of blueprints. It is not necessary at this time to do the real design, since they will be used only for construction bids. Be advised, however, that you will be held accountable for any increase of construction costs as a result of later design changes.
You must be thrilled to be working on as an interesting project as this! To be able to use the latest techniques and materials and to be given such freedom in your designs is something that can't happen very often.
Contact me as soon as possible with your complete ideas and plans.
PS: My wife has just told me that she disagrees with many of the instructions I've given you in this letter. As architect, it is your responsibility to resolve these differences. I have tried in the past and have been unable to accomplish this. If you can't handle this responsibility, I will have to find another architect.
PPS: Perhaps what I need is not a house at all, but a travel trailer. Please advise me as soon as possible if this is the case."
- Zenith_Kudos0
All of them.
- meffid0
Not the worst one I've had:
- theredmasque0
Client's Secretary: "can you put our website on a disc for us so that my boss can look at it when he goes on a business trip next week?"
Me: "Can he not look at it on the web?"
Secretary: "You can see our website all over the world?"
(To be fair, this particular client, and his secretary, were both old, and obviously not up to date with technology).
They still made me put the website on a disc anyway (even though they had access to the site files themselves), and then got annoyed because the files were not arranged by Page 1, page 2 etc. I tried to explain that the files on the disc are alphabetized by the name of the file and that there is no such thing as "page 1" or "page 2" on a website (other than the index page being page 1). Boss finally got on the phone with me to take me to task for not doing what they wanted.
Same guy wanted to know why they had to pay me "when the kids can do it for free".
The scary thing is this guy was a doctor. He also had photos of some of his patients on the site (like nude medical photos of cancer patients and their CT Scans) that I am pretty sure the people or their families would NOT want online. Granted these were older photos (mostly from the 70s or older) but still!
The website was atrocious as he didn't want to pay to have it redesigned (I think it was originally designed in word and converted to html) so all I ended up doing for him was adding copy changes and other smaller changes. At this point though, I was glad as I really didn't want to be associated with this guy in case he got sued by former patients....
- You should have let them know that the Internet is on computers now.ETM
- jerseyred0
About a year ago I had a frequent client, who I made website PSDs for, ask me to make a design and take the same look and feel and create a second site with a different logo and a different nav. 1 day into it it was clear that they wanted 2 different websites and were trying to dupe me into doing it change by change. I declined, we parted ways, no hard feelings.
I get an email from him asking for another project today and after I respond asking if this email was a mistake he responded no and at the end of the email added this little golden quote -
"Should your conscience drive you towards more favorable pricing, then I can live with that :)"
- _salisae_0
depressing
- Thesocialgospel0
I just got this email:
"Oh, Dan, something happy and upbeat! This is rather “severe.” To be honest, it looks like a camp for black people! Can you come up with something else?"
- can we see the comp that sparked this response?version3
- camp for black people?CALLES
- haha just photoshop a white face or 2 on. Like that windows ad.LOLProjectile
- gramme0
Wow.
- MrT0
Just had a Christmas card request.
"You should be able to do something quick, just put the XXX logo and all the product logos on the front and since we're a software company, make it interactive. We would like to mail them on Tuesday next week."
- I can fulfill this request.
collaborate? subcontract?version3 - OK do the design and get it printed and I'll give you proceeds of any profits it might generate?MrT
- Interactive, eh?ETM
- glowy rolloversscarabin
- They want a card, you know, made of card, to put a stamp on and mail. Interactive? 3 working days? Yeah baby.MrT
- I can fulfill this request.
- pizzafire0
haha ... this one's a Client from "Heaven"
http://clientsfromhell.net/post/…Client: ”Obviously we need the site to be deeply spiritual. The use of a cross is obvious and although perhaps over-used we would like to go with that... Also perhaps some Saints, figurines... You get the idea?”
Designer: ”Do you have any specific Saint’s in mind?”
Client: ”No, just run with it... after all we all worship the same god right?”
Designer: ”Actually no, I am atheist. Is this a problem?”
Client: ”Oh, erm, you´re one of THEM are you? Hmm that is a problem... people who abandon the word of god are in league with the Devil, and if you designed our site... well, it would make it sinful, a place of deception... No... erm, maybe you would like to discuss your hatred of God? Then perhaps I could convince you of the true path.”
Designer: ”I cannot hate something which does not exist.”
Client: ”I see. No, we need a designer who is...you know, not in league with the devil.”
- spraycan0
“We want to know who opens the emailer and when they do we want to hit them with another email straight away, striking while the iron is hot. And for those who don’t open it we’ll send them an email too asking why they didn’t open it.”
- fucking hell, stupid fuckers!!spraycan
- they must have seen Glenngary Glen Ross or some hard-pressure sales film like it....vaxorcist
- yes and this kind of demand is so real you know.spraycan
- and if they don't open the one asking why the didn't open the other one, bam! we call them.ETM
- and if they don't answer the phone, bam! Send over hired goons.ETM
- vitamins0
Client: “You’ll never make any money if you’re always charging for every little thing that you do!”
- isakosmo0
i've just been making a free site for a photographer friend. a flash site with 100 of his photos, simple but time consuming.
a couple of days ago he comes back going, 'can you add under construction' at the top? then you and my other designer friend can sit together and design a proper site and get it up live in may'
i kid you not.