British People Needed
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- davidwrites
Hello friends across the Atlantic ... I'm an American copywriter needing to British-up a copy sample (it must be in British vernacular).
It's short, only about 400 words. Could some kind European soul give it a quick read and point out anything that you wouldn't read in your fine Kingdom?
I'll forever be in your debt.
Thanks!
David----
Going Green
How To Be A More Environmentally Friendly Retailer
By David SmallComplying with regulations is only the first step toward becoming an environmentally friendly retailer. There are dozens of practices both large and small that retailers can employ to reduce their impact on the environment—many of which can also save you money and increase customer loyalty.
Create An Environmental Action Plan
The first step is assessing the negative impacts your business has on the environment—energy and water consumption, toxic chemical use, waste output, transportation and purchasing habits—and creating an environmental action plan to become a greener business. Take a look at what your business consumes, from office supplies to excess packaging to energy. Literally look in your dumpster, at your electricity bills, and make lists of what you waste and where you can cut back. This will help you understand how your business affects the environment.
Environmental organizations are available to help you assess how environmentally sustainable your business is and where you can improve. “With our Business Greening Program, it’s very much like working with a consulting firm,” says Genevieve Bertone, executive director of Sustainable Works, a non-profit environmental education organization funded by the City of Brighton. “We work with the businesses for a year. It’s a three-step process. There are many steps in between, but in general it starts with gathering information using questionnaires and holding interviews, and doing an on-site assessment. Then we move into creating targeted recommendations that are specific to the business. The last part is follow-up, where we fill in any missing pieces and work on promoting the business, which is a really key piece.” Look for organizations like Sustainable Works in your area. Not all of them provide free assessments and action plans, but the investment will save you money in the long run and help save our environment.
Below are actions to consider when developing your plan to go green. Following through with your action plan should be of top priority if you wish to be successful. You will need to allocate the necessary time to ensure proper actions are implemented and each area’s goals are met. Finally, it’s necessary to assess your business’s environmental performance at various times throughout the year to measure your successes and improve where necessary.
Reduce Waste At The Source
The total annual generation of municipal solid waste (MSW), or trash, has increased more than 50 percent since 1980 to its 2003 level of just over 236 million tons per year—4.5 pounds per person per day Waste from businesses and schools constitutes 35 to 45 percent of that, leaving plenty room for improvement.
Packaging material is one of the biggest sources of unnecessary waste for retailers. According to ...
David Small
WRITER | EDITOR
Publishing & Advertising
744Robinson.com
- mydo0
needs more "lovely" and less z's
- mikotondria30
Literally look in your dumpster = look in your bin
- mikotondria30
4.5 pounds = 2kg
- mikotondria30
744Robinson.com = 744Robinson.co.uk
- AngryMob0
Bloody hell!!!
- davidwrites0
haha.
- davidwrites0
Thanks!
- JerseyRaindog0
I don't think you need 'trash' at all in the last para. We tend not to use it.
- trooperbill0
'municipal' sounds americanised
'trash' = rubbish or waste
we dont have dumpsters we have bins
- lowimpakt0
what size retailers are you talking to?
you could check out a few of the other orgs working with retaillers in the UK to get an idea of the language.
http://www.wrap.org.uk/business/…
http://www.envirowise.gov.uk/uk/…
- acrossthesea0
David Wee
- i don't think he wanted to sound like a drunk, i mean scot.mydo
- hahahahbigtrickagain
- davidwrites0
the content isn't important, just need to show ability to write in British vernacular.
Nice work making fun of my last name accrossthesea. Very clever. Glad to have you on the site.
- calculator0
"just need to show ability to write in British vernacular."...
yet you're on here asking people to do it for you?
- davidwrites0
Not helpful.
- calculator0
Not honest!
- comicsans0
The whole tone is American, with hints of middle management corporate buzzwords. No Brit would write like that. Individual words and the message are OK (I suppose) it just doesn't read like British prose.
Specific vernacular: "City of Brighton" is not correct, "Brighton City Council" or whoever the administrative body is. Final headline, 'the source' s/be 'source', prev para 'of top priority' is wrong, next para, s/be 'plenty of room'. Dumpster can be 'skip' (industrial/commercial) or 'bin' (domestic).
Perhaps read some UK press releases?
- lowimpakt0
oi shopman, clean up your shit yo. the planet is mashed up, innit.
- Jnr_Madison0
I'll do it.
- for a small fee.Jnr_Madison
- the fee, you ask? Just have to check your mail.Jnr_Madison
- I'll do it for a small wee.Horp
- detritus0
"I know, I'll get the internet to do it for me!"
Zs tend to equal Ss in words like 'organisation'.
We don't use 'municipal' - we have local and county councils, depending upon context (afraid you're going to have to work out which yourself).
ton = tonne (, right?).
'Dumpster' = recycling bins. Aye, it's just 'bins' these days, but as a copywriter, you should probably be sheparding expectation indirectly too.
City of Brighton = Brighton.The overall tone is unmistakably American, I'm afraid,and I'm not about to sit here and do your own work for you by re-writing it all for you. You might want to reign in the overwrought sense of paradigmatic-phase changing incentivised action plan meeting schemas and such - we're a little more dishevelled and Harris Tweed for that kind of over-earnest twattery.
Also, It's really dry, eh?