Shit My Dad Says
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- 27 Responses
- dbloc0
"It's watering plants, Justin. You just take a God damned hose and you put it over the plant. You don't even pay rent, just do it. Shit."
- dbloc0
"My flight lands at 9:30 on Sunday...You want to watch what? What the fuck is mad men? I'm a mad man if you don't pick me the hell up."
- ********0
haha.
- dbloc0
"Your brother brought his baby over this morning. He told me it could stand. It couldn't stand for shit. Just sat there. Big let down."
- dbloc0
"The dog is an outside dog. You want an inside dog, you go get your own inside."
- elahon0
"Love this Mrs. Dash. The bitch can make spices... Jesus, Joni (my mom) it's a joke. I was making a joke! Mrs. Dash isn't even real dammit!"
- vsplus0
HAAHAHahAhAHHAa
that's the kind of twitter i like.
that was about time.
- jimbojones0
"You need to flush the toilet more than once...No, YOU, YOU specifically need to. You know what, use a different toilet. This is my toilet."
- monNom0
"How the fuck should I know if it's still good? Eat it. You get sick, it wasn't good. You people, you think I got microscopic fucking eyes."
- ********0
"The dog don't like you planting stuff there. It's his backyard. If you're the only one who shits in something, you own it. Remember that."
- ********0
I love it .. this is the best use of twitter so far
- erikjonsson0
sounds like george costanzas dad
- ********0
This would be a gift for a screenwriter.
- ********0
"Why would i want to check a voicemail on my cell phone? People want to talk to me, call again. If i want to talk to you, I'll answer."
I say this now.
- Voice of reason. I never had voicemail set up on my phone, I always turn it off first thing when setting a new number.raf
- ok_not_ok0
Remember when you're young and you think your dad is Superman? And then you grow up and realized he's just a drunk who wears a cape.
- ninjasavant0
favorite:
"The dog is not bored, it's a fucking dog. It's not like he's waiting for me to give him a fucking rubix cube. He's a god damned dog."
- GeorgesII0
My dad giving me advice about conception:
"If you get a girl pregnant, you go get yourself a job and you're out of the house."
- dbloc0
My Dad's Advice.
Son, why don't you use your head for something more than a hat rack.
- grunttt0
now and only now have I found any value in twitter.
- what about stalking that girl from work you like?iCanHazQBN
- agreevsplus
- ********0
