Perfume Lady
- Started
- Last post
- 44 Responses
- ********
I love cheese & raw onion sandwiches. I cut the onion about an inch thick. I only occasionally make a C&O to bring to work because of its anti-social side effects. When I do though, like today, the lady across the corridor from me gets all uppy and stomps up and down outside my door spraying her sickly perfume to mask the onion vapours.
Question is: Would it be wrong of me to take her down with a roundhouse and force the perfume bottle into her oesophagus whilst standing on her biceps?
- ********0
I should add a couple of influential factors:
1. She makes a point of sneezing as loudly as she can, like a donkey getting tazored in the bollocks.
2. Occasionally, she'll give me a lift to work if I'm not cycling and she sees me at the bus-stop.
- yeah, she's into the rough stuff mate, you go right aheadkelpie
- Righto. I'm listening out for the tell-tale "pst-pst" from her perfume bottle and then I'm up in her stuff like a velociraptor.********
- ********0
Is she one of those types who marinates in perfume?
I like cheese & raw onion sandwiches too, but I don't like the 12 hour after taste.
- that's why Tim eats babies afterwardskelpie
- She's one of those brassy sorts who's home is lined with leopardskin. I actually like the lingering effects of onion.********
- I don't eat babies. That's a gross misrepresentation. What I do is suck them like sweets, then put them back. No harm done.********
- kuzzAAAAM0
aww no man, don't do that. It is a bit anti-social making people smell bad odours generally, tho in this case you are consuming a legitimate food stuff and should not be ostracised for it.
I guess just be patients as she's having to be. Ok?
- kuzzAAAAM0
incidentally, i live with a chick whose room is next to the bogs and she goes out spraying air freshner around the corridor after everytime i've done a shit
- ********0
Kuzz, have you ever considered knocking her door and advising her to get her can ready because you are about to lay?
- ********0
Well if you to roundhouse that bitch, then get a bloody video of the action.
- Spookyhome
1. She makes a point of sneezing as loudly as she can, like a donkey getting tazored in the bollocks.
hahaha********
- Spookyhome
- kuzzAAAAM0
No Spooky, i think that would hardly be appropriate. Especially considering it's someone in denial of the more effluvium aspect of human nature.
- I am Nairn/Detritus/EwenkuzzAAAAM
- Flood therapy Kuzz. You should do it on her duvet.********
- hahahakelpie
- hahahahakelpie
- Your sentence uses grand words, but it lacks the elegance of a Det post I feel. He would never start...********
- ... a sentence with "especially".********
- Thanks for your advice spooky, i will consider it. xkuzzAAAAM
- Yes, I recommend avoiding "Especially" as a sentence starter. Do you have a notebook for advice like this?********
- Detritus, I'm looking out for you man. I got your back.********
- I meant the advice on shitting on her duvet. "Especially" is a perfectly legitimate form of starting a sentence.kuzzAAAAM
- Yes, I know that, I was being obtuse.********
- Oh! How gauche!kuzzAAAAM
- Touché !!!
Such Larks.********
- kelpie0
kuzzAAAAM
No Spooky, i think that would hardly be appropriate. Especially considering it's someone in denial of the more effluvium aspect of human nature.Detritus
Nay, my spooky friend; one could scarcely imagine a more inappropriate course of action, particularly in light of this young lady's clear state of denial regarding the more effluvium aspects of the physical nature of the human animal.- note wellkelpie
- HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH...kuzzAAAAM
- * Wild Applause********
- HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH...
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH...
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH...
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH...
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH...kuzzAAAAM - HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH...
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH...
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH...
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH...
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH...
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH...
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH...
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH...
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH...
kuzzAAAAM - That is like SO him.kuzzAAAAM
- My * Wild Applause looked cynical & sarcastic. It was heartfelt. Perhaps caps would have helped me express********
- noted, mein herrenkelpie
- * WILD APPLAUSE !!!!!!!********
- kelpie0
^ Marcel Proust can fucking toss my salad. amateur.
- < Alain Prost can fucking drive my car. amateur.********
- < Alain Prost can fucking drive my car. amateur.
- ********0
^ Marcel Marceau can fucking escape from my little glass box. amateur.
- ********0
I knocked her out as suggested. I was about to go back to get my camera when those fucking Comstock Paparazzi guys showed up and snapped it...
- See that jar of spaghetti? Thats her perfume that is.********
- yeah, she's lovin' it - poke her in the tits with one of those massive spaghetti pieceskelpie
- I Just Litterlally Laughed Out Loud.********
- When a slap will not do, Roundhouse That Bitch.********
- See that jar of spaghetti? Thats her perfume that is.
- neue75_bold0
I would do the same as her, but wold also throw in the gas-face every time I'd see your nasty sandwich eating self, at no extra charge... I'd probably go a step further and mace you with One Step sanitizer spray as soon as you came within one foot radius of me... Ultimately attempting to make you feel ashamed of yourself for eating that filth, but reckon that'd be nearly impossible...
- worth a bash thoughkelpie
- Oh! How Grumpy!
* Chomps sandwich with vigor, open mouthed, facing The Nederlands.******** - I'm breathing out extra hard too.********
- Rocks a massive whiff...neue75_bold
- *neue75_bold
- nah, cheese and onion is ok, now eggs on the other hand, who the fuck eats that shit?neue75_bold
- HAHAHAH, Yeah, what kind of fucking fuck eats an egg for ffs.********
- I dokelpie
- * rocks a massive cringeneue75_bold
- kelpie0
you know I'm now totally rocking a massive complex about note posting thanks to Kuz.
That's a bad thing, but at least I'm rocking it, like you would a pair of day glo trainers.
- ********0
"Rocking a massive complex"
- Status Quo, live at the Barbican?
- kelpie0
Do you think it makes me the old, male equivalent of Jaline? I just had that thought, I'm not sure how I feel about it.
- I've never woke in the night with my pillow between my thighs shouting "Oh Kelpie" if that helps?********
- * Disclaimer: Relax Jaline, it never happened.********
- Jaline's a two-bit ho', don't compare yourself to her >:-(kuzzAAAAM
- I've never woke in the night with my pillow between my thighs shouting "Oh Kelpie" if that helps?
- ian0
Onion is pretty strong smell chief. Chap I work with used to slice an onion to put on his sandwich and he'd leave half an onion out on a shelf in the kitchen cos 'it kills bacteria'.
I sit beside the kitchen so I'd get the pungent aroma of an onion slowing rotting for the rest of the week. It was pretty disgusting, so he had to stop. I mean, I didn't go over to his desk when I needed to do a bottom burp.
On the other hand, theres a woman in my apartment who must wear about a pint of perfume and any time i get in the lift after her the smell is overpowering.
So in other words, I think to sort it out you need a 'thunderdome' type fight, and the winner can smell up the office whichever way they see fit. I'll take 200 quatloos on the newcomer...
- When you've been overpowered by the lady in the lift, does she touch you at all?********
- Im going through hypnotherapy at the moment to determine this. Inconclusive at the mo!ian
- I LOLLED!********
- When you've been overpowered by the lady in the lift, does she touch you at all?