more shit scottish jokes.
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- such0
A guy walks in to the kitchen holding a duck under his arm and says, "This is the pig I've been fucking."
His wife says, "That's not a pig, it's a duck!"
He replies, "I wasn't talking to you."
- JamesThomson0
A Yankee, a Brit, and a Scotsman are sitting at a bar. Each orders a pint, and surprisingly, a fly lands in each glass.
The American pays no heed and chugs down the beer, fly and all.
The Englishman politely asks the barman for a teaspoon, fishes out the fly and folds it neatly in a napkin.
The Scot looks down at the bug in his lager, pulls a pair of tweezers out from under his tam, and carefully picks up the fly by its tiny wings. He leans in, looks the fly in the eyes and says:
"ALL RIGHT YE WEE FUCKER, NOW SPIT IT OUT!"
- 23kon0
a man gets out his big BMW after parking it on a glasgow street.
he's approached by a couple of young neds, one of them says
"hey mistur, geez a tenner an' we'll look aftur yer car fur ye!"the guy replies
"it's ok, my dog is in the back - he'll look after the car for me!"the other kid replies
"how?, can he put out fires like?"
- chossy0
Hey greedo you are damn right we are clever we invented everything important, and the Romans were shit scared of us and we are only a tiny wee country :D yay the scotchish!!!.
- ********0
Q. How do you know when a Scotsman has had to much to drink?
A. You don't because it's nobody's damn business how much he's had to drink in the first place!!
- vespa0
An Englishman is rambling in the highlands. He works up a thirst, and, spotting a freshwater stream, bends down to scoop up some water in one hand.
A Scotsman comes over the hill, and seeing the Englishman about to drink, he shouts "Dinnae drink tha! It's full o cow's kak n pish!"
The Englishman stops and says "Sorry old boy, I must confess I don't quite understand the Scottish vernacular. Could you possibly repeat what you were saying, in Queen's English?"
The Scotsman replies "I said, 'USE BOTH HANDS!'"
