Water Closet Rules
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- Spookytim
I just went for a wee in the gents on my floor. For me, personally, if I'm in a stall and someone enters for a wee, I tend to keep my activities to a discreet level and if possible I try not to emerge from the stall until the weer has left the gents. Thats just me and I recognise its an extreme behavioural quirk.
However, I just went for my wee, and as I stood there wrestling manfully with both hands around my enormous and highly motivated penis, a cubicle occupant began sandpapering his arse back and forth, back and forth, back and forth like he was shaping a surf board, repeatedly for the entire duration of my wee, and... (gag) doing strangled trumpet farts THROUGHOUT the course of this extreme wiping technique, and making wierd 'ah' and 'oh' vocal noises which to me suggested he'd farted his way through the well work paper and added a fudge-fin to his wiping hand by mistake.
Now if that was me I would want to wait until the weer had left before emerging from the stall with my rectum in bloody skinless tatters and my hand tinted and sour. But no, out he dived, like a big jolly shiny faced, poo-handed telly tubby with his shirt tucked into big underpants that circumnavigated his tumtum a good three inches higher than his silly trousers.
Sometimes I yearn for the termination of our species.
- Mojo0
rofl!!
spooky, the stall thing = yes.
- _salisae_0
pfffft fudge fin .. I can picture him trying to have a bite of a sandwich in the midst of it all.
- Mojo0
On the same note, if it's a more public place, it can be fun to really over-do your 'activities' and express extreme strain and extreme relief afterwards..
- mimeartist0
who do you work for number 2
- detritus0
I often get the black dog rubbing my leg when I go to the toilet - the full horror of my remaining existence comes to the fore and I think - 'Christ - another 30 to 40 years of THIS? Really, what's the point?'.
But then I skew and pee on the bastard 'til he whines and runs off barking.
And then I realise, Christ, it was just an allusion - now I've got to wipe all that pee off the floor.
- or don't bother to clean it, as in the case of many of the classier nightclubs I've been fortunate enough to frequent.ian
- Memoires from a bubble_salisae_
- If man shall meet the Black Dog once, it shall be for joy; and if twice, for sorrow; and if thrice, he shall dieSpookytim
- _sal - peeing in a bubble's only fun for so long.
spoo - where's that from?detritus - Thomas Pynchon legend.Spookytim
- Jaline0
You're completely right, Spooky.
- I have a feeling my strong reaction to this experience may have been influenced subconsciously by that...Spookytim
- ... anti-hotlinking image in your 'Fit' thread Jaline. I can't deny it haunted me to the marrow all weekend.Spookytim
- :(Jaline
- Oh but fear not, it didn't haunt me enough to warrant a sad-face emoticon.
: )Spookytim - :)Jaline
- emecks0
Agree entirely Spooky, my additions to the bogetiquettery (which really shouldn't require mention but alas do) :
It is not the done thing to leave turdlets on the seat, the floor or indeed anywhere other than the foreseen receptacle.
If you must put the plug in the sink to get the water to just the right temperature then have the decency to remove it again prior to leaving the room.
The throwing over, or kicking under, stall walls of anything whatsoever is asking everything that comes sailing back.
The sink is not a fifth urinal.
Urinals are designed for liquids only.
- creative-0
Totally agree. And in those times when things get really bat bad or I am running at Defcom 1 paranoia I even have to flush and, well, gush at the same time to spare my embarrassment. Or wait for someone to put the hand drier on.
- We should go the way of Japan and have soundFX machine built in to our lavs.Spookytim
- creative-0
^ I might start taking my own ghetto blaster along. Which brings me onto this thought: if I did, what would be the best music to play?
- Spookytim0
Something sparse and spacial like Brian Eno's Music For Airports. I'm always up for a challenge.
- jaylarson0
where/what is that thread from about 2 years back. it was funny and dealt with this same subject. i learned what a courtesy flush was because of it.
- kelpie0
I consider the movements of the bowels to be a beautiful musical representation of the life - death - rebirth cycle of nature and give full reign and sturm and drang to the process while communing with my spirit animal on the throne of life whether in my own life space or in the public theatre. You are all repressed body haters.
- I will not disagree - though, I'm not so repressed - I'm quite open about it. We're but filthy monkeys.detritus
- follow the rainbow, star childrenkelpie
- the first art was smeared by ape in shit onto wall, thus marking man's ascent to consciousnesskelpie
- We've come so far.detritus
- us, we who post here, represent the very finest in creationkelpie
- *daubs self with shit, Braveheart stylee*detritus
- kelpie0
of course its all much easier with a handy chest to go on.
- Spookytim0
This then is where the human species should diverge. Those who wallow fondly in their shit (Kelpie, Detritus) and see it as evidence of their worth, and those that choose to leave it discreetly behind (Spooky, Creative, Jay, Jaline, Ian, Salisae, Mimeartist, Mojo) and pretend it never happened.
- the few have always stood apart from the many.kelpie
- Fear not Kelpie, the thread merely rests.Spookytim
- sorry, I'm feeling a bit messianic today. damn my flayring god complexkelpie
- Damn you Kelpie, Damn you and your omnipotence. *Shakes fist at sky (ceiling).Spookytim
- That's because, in this case, the few are covered in their own shit.detritus
- why is kelpie still alive? get HIM, spooky!Jaline
- kelpie0
I wonder if you could spend some time a research and devise a diet so efficient that every gram of it was used by your body and produced no waste, rendering your humiliating and painful defecationary experiences a thing of the past.
what happens if you only eat paper?
- TheBlueOne0
I just gotta wonder - what the fuck do you people eat??
- Spookytim0
I think this is something science looks at isn't it. I seem to recall reading somewhere that the diets of POWs had been studied along with their defecatory habits and it emerged that it was possible to stay alive but not defecate at all, although it was a pretty miserable sort of diet and existence to acheive it. I think extreme explorers and spacemendudes have a modified diet that limits the needs for intergalactic plopsy drops.
- see, I'd rather just get over the fear. or hold it in.kelpie
- 4040
Ok let me add Phone talking to the list of no-no's.
I cant stand when someone comes into the poop room and is talking up a storm like were in his office. Anybody with me on this one?
- chossy0
The only rule I am aware of is don't pull your trousers all the way down if your only doing a piss, and don't look at chossy's cock or you'll get a nasty shock.