How to pretend you are working.
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- acescence0
i carry a pen and clipboard wherever i go, and walk swiftly
- mg330
No joke - the girl I mentioned spending 2-3 hour lunches with - had a dream about her last night.
It's so strange how things like that happen.Anyhow, she was dressed in a simple sun dress, no undergarments, and was cleaning my parent's house! and making ever-so-slight seductive passes at me.
- Stugoo0
It used to be banter on msn but the developer i would talk to most of the day got busted becuase the PM knew the difference in 'coding typing' sounds to 'msn typing' sounds..
now i do a lot of research and support.
The guy that sits next to me is a grass to the big man too, so i gotta be diligent!
But yeah, 'working' lunches at the pub with my CD also works well in my favor xD
- menos0
check printer, go bathroom, walk really slowly around the office, go to the kitchen... look for 'that thing' in the file server...
- TheBlueOne0
I leave a stack of unopened envelopes on my desk and a letter opener nearby. When I hear the boss come by I start opening the envelopes and studying very earnestly what's in them and arrange them into neat piles...
...or I pick up the phone and have a conversation like I'm talking to IT. "Yeah, I can see that in my window but what's with the error message?"
- ********0
I should write the 101 on this:
01. Have your AA schedule you various recurring meetings throughout the week, complete with room off of your floor even if its just you in the room working like you usually do - just not at your desk.
02. Hold off on hitting "send" on some e-mails, instead wait until you get home from work and then send them out at odd off-business hours.
03. Provide your mobile phone as the best way to get a hold of you, outside of e-mail as you are rarely at your desk, "because of all the meetings I'm in."
04. Never complain about work load. If you say you have nothing to do, you're going to have it. If you act like you are swamped and you are not, you may get resources sent your way.
05. Keep odd hours. Never come into the office at the same time every day, never leave at the same time everyday. The second someone gets on your routine, is the second someone knows what you are doing, or at least when you should be doing it. Also, never park in the same place every day either.
06. Walk around with your laptop constantly as if you are coming, or going from meetings.
07. In actual meetings, always either come in late or leave early. Reason being? You are needed elsewhere, time is money.
08. If you can help out with someone, let them know. Usually unless they are really breaking their backs they will never accept but appreciate the offer an will remember said offer... say for when you don't feel like doing work and are acting like you are swamped.
09. Talk down to your boss/superiors and up to your peers. This may sound weird, but holding the people above you in some slight bit of contempt makes them think you know what you are talking about, and by building up confidence in your peers makes them more susceptible to do what you want later.
10. Become "friends" with everyone you work with, no matter their position, and smile all day long while being courteous. The whole time never giving anyone any personal-personal information that could come back to haunt you at the wrong time. That breeds gossip, which usually innocently comes out as a response of, "Hey where is Jerome and why haven't I seen him all week?"
You want their answer to be work based and since they are your friend they will unknowingly make a valid alibi:
"I'm sure I've seen him around, he was sending e-mails at 2 this morning for Christ's Sake."
- CALLES0
render render render
"hey can you do...."
before they finish the sentence...
"SORRY! rendering"
- Jaline0
Ugh, this co-worker of mine keeps heckling me. She wants me to talk to her, "say hi", and "smile".
Then she came by and said, "not even that? Okay, I'm just teasing".
Shut up, lady, I am working.
- CALLES0
she wants you bad JLe
- Jaline0
First of all, I don't talk to people in general. Secondly, everyone around me is like 30 years older.
- ********0
i just work or don't work. freelance sucks like that
version6
(Oct 23 07, 17:44)Ditto.
- _eh_0
Interesting:
http://www.wikihow.com/Look-Busy…
As a side note I have been thinking of taking up smoking, to increase my time away from the desk.
- ********0
Usually when I smile at people and they don't smile back ... I think something must be horribly wrong with them.
Because I have the greatest smile in the world, and light up every room, hallway, cube, office I walk into with my charm.
I would probably tease you about not smiling if I worked with you, but in a more flattering way than your current coworker.
I'd be all like, "Seriously, you can't even crack a smile for me? What is your heart made of coal? Look at me when I am talking to you G-d damn it. You see this face? You smile when you see it. I bring joy to the world, and all I ask is for you to respect me as such in kind. For fuck's sake, seeing me is probably the bright spot of your day inside of work and outside so do me the fucking common courtesy of acknowledging the fact. You know what don't smile at me, your teeth are probably horrid. That is the only reason I can think why you are not smiling, because I would probably be horrified. So I thank you for not making me vomit perfously from your wretched smile. However, starting now - you do not look me in the eyes. You have lost that privilege."
But I would say it in a funny way so that you would think I was joking, and hopefully get a chuckle or grin out of whoever I was saying that diatribe to.
But it would be based in truth.
Truth to me and my grossly over sized and unwarranted ego, haha.
- Jaline0
"Disable your screensaver, or set the timeout for a really long time, so that it isn't so obvious that you haven't been at your desk for a while."
lol, I employed this strategy when I was by myself in a corner. It doesn't work out so well when others are around you.
- CALLES0
pour a little water on your tower... works every time
- Jaline0
That reminds me. Someone stole my monitor once and I couldn't do any work for the entire day.
- ********0
Haha yea, I can usually get 1-3 days out of my hard drive frying, and needing to wipe everything.
- ********0
I'm actually so effective at work that no one ever catches me on the job.
- mg330
It's funny how tied to their computers some people are for "work."
We had some network issues this week in our office, and it was like the power had gone out: everyone suddenly had the need and opportunity to get up and walk around and go to the kitchen and mill around and act like they COULD NOT WORK without their computer for even 5 minutes.
For Chrissakes, go through a pile of papers and recycle something!
- ********0
believe it or not mg33 - i actually can't work if my computer or the network breaks down. not in the scope of my duties, at least. of course i can always scrub some floors or mend the roof.