Final Email on Last Day
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- Arvizu
getting ready to draft a goodbye email to my fellow creatives here in the ad agency. Nice group, typical characters that perpetuate the agency stereotypes, most of all, a group of friends that I'll sorely miss...
So, in lieu of the typical "I'll miss you, here's my contact info, blah blah blah..." I want a smart-ass send off that's somewhere between "fuck all y'all" and "it was pleasure working with all of you on this weird, pointless shit"
Any ideas out here I can bum?
- Jaline0
you've come to the right place, my friend.
- ********0
it all comes down to go fuck yourself
Rand
(Apr 18 07, 10:42)
- ********0
nice way of writing from the heart , bud.
- Arvizu0
Ahh, The stuff from my heart won't be said through an email...this is just to make everyone laugh, or soil themselves...hopefully both.
- jevad0
Greetings, fellow and soon-to-be former co-workers.
Today I have crafted this fine nugget of prose to bid a fond farewell as I step down from my lofty post, ending a resplendent career here at XXXXXXXXXX. First and foremost, I'd like to congratulate my superiors for providing the opportunity to excel, being proactive in creating solutions for enabling my completion of action items and goals. Kudos to my inferiors for allowing me to be superior; you know who you are.
Born to humble beginnings at the base of the Rocky Mountains on a chilly October morning, nineteen hundred and seventy-six, my mother and father were unsure what the future held for their deftly handsome newborn. Would he be a rock star? Brain surgeon, rocket scientist, or Supreme Court Justice? Nay, said Fate. For, a young and wily politician by the name of Albert Gore was busy creating something wonderful -- a network of computing machines so far-reaching, so worldly, the title "Information Superhighway" could not do it justice. An entirely new word had to be crafted for this eighth wonder, and its name was "Internet." And it was good. I cast aside my formal training in the environmental sciences in favor of the fame and fortune that only development in this new medium could offer. As you all know, the demanding mistress of machine programming has been kind to this lad.
Fast forward to today, as I set to embark on another leg of life's exotic adventure. I carry my experience garnered in these halls as a colorful feather of knowledge in my cap of expertise. During my moments at the peak, and during our darkest hours, my colleagues were with me and brightened the day with their humbly-crafted jabs at my expense. XXXXXXXXXXX, your daily wit shall be missed. Somewhere.
As the music begins playing, let me say again what a pleasure it's been; I can only assume it's been the same for you.
I close my eyes, only for a moment, and the moment's gone
All my dreams, pass before my eyes, a curiosity
Dust in the wind, all they are is dust in the wind.
Same old song, just a drop of water in an endless sea
All we do, crumbles to the ground, though we refuse to seeDust in the wind, all we are is dust in the wind.
- ********0
hahaha jevad, that is pretty good.
- madirish0
that song always makes me cry
- visualplane_0
Bravo!
- Arvizu0
Jevad that's so...beautiful! And most of all: true, (wipes tear from cheeks, don't worry—allergies.)... thanks!
you've really got a gift man, that was hilarious!
- blaw0
"your cat's on fire. too-da-loo."
- TheBlueOne0
Dear Dickheads,
I am all about burning bridges. You all suck. Your work sucked. You were lucky to work with me. I hope some of my stinkless shit rubbed off on you.
So without further ado, may I say, for the record: Fuck you all.
In the future, in case my future plans completly fall apart and I find myself looking for work and come across one of you worthless pieces of shit at some other agency I hope you will remember what a stellar individual I am and extend a hand to a fellow designer down on his luck and help me land a job at wherever you are at. It would be a pleasure to get the chance to show up any of you in another working environment.
Farewell you magnificient bastards.
- blaw0
jevad's keyboard has diarrhea again.
- ********0
"Peace, Im outta here"
- orkman0
Ok BlueOne's was a little rougher on the edges that jevad's, but I think the point is still made.
Good luck dude.
- monNom0
set up a scavanger hunt, like the davinci code.
...and at the end can be all the pantone swatch books that mysteriously went missing when you left.
- monNom0
actually, scratch that. Steal something personal from each person at the office... family picture, favourite toys, comfy office chair, wallet, purse, credit card, drivers licence.... etc.
It's totally circumstantial, they've got no case!
- Milan0
That was hilarious jevad and TheBlueOne! Is NT where all the out-of-work comedians come to hang out?
- k0na_an0k0
lol jevad!
this is what i think you should type.
Hey everyone,
As you may or may not know it's my last day. I'm moving on to bigger and better things. It's been a pleasure working with each and every one of you. I bet as you guys are reading this you're thinking 'wow, I can't believe he's not going to burn the bridge', well, burning bridges would be unprofessional, and, there are no bridges in the near vicinity of this office, so, instead I've decided to burn the office. Literally.
You'll find the extinguishers in the back of my car and I've chained the doors shut.
Good luck getting out.
Oops. There goes the fire alarm now.
Cheers.
- SteveJobs0
To the complacent,
I applaud you and your tenure. Your endurance and tolerance for this enterprise are far beyond my comprehension.
For those of you who will still be forging your doctors notes for your day trips to cancun where you'll undoubtedly shack up with another equally ugly, disgrunteled, parrot-headed, office lackey.
For those of you who will be sucking back the lackluster coffee in the breakroom as you spread your scandelous rumors of your loathed upper management.
For you who persist for no other reason than to persist, I salute you.
Now, I must forge my way and leave you behind. And as a token of my unwavering and unquestionable respect for each of you, I leave my legacy. To you all I leave my desk, my pencils, my printer, my rolodex and the six weeks worth of work that stacked up on my desk as I honed and perfected my resume. All this while you drank your mojito's, sneered and snickered at your supervisors shortcomings and decorated your cubicles with pictures of sanjay and tay zonday. I give it all to you.
Farewell.
- fyoucher10
Dear Co-workers and the bestest of friends,
Thy day has arrived and tis the day for me to depart from this wonderful dwelling.
For the gentlemen, I have left a soft brown token of remembrance in each of the four standing urinals, paperless and unique in its own shape and smell.
For the ladies, as you may have already have discovered, I have left my gracious exploits of a man in your coffee this morning. Slightly bitter, semi sweet, shall never dissolve and always calorie free.
And for my boss of 10 years, Harry, I leave you my pornographic collection which I have spent nearly 8 hours every day here collecting.
I bid farewell to you all. May your brothers, make brothers and sisters, with your sister.
Bestest,
Son