Break Up
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- coffeesoy
Don't know why I have the urge to share this with designers. I guess i feel kinda wierd posting on a relationship site, and feel I could better connect with people here.
So a week ago after 1 year and 8 months my girlfriend broke up with me. We had a great time. We changed each others lives for the better and things were okay until she ended it. We were having problems for the last couple months but just ignored them. Afterwards
I realized there were alot of things that I did wrong that affected our relationship. I look back at the times that we had arguments and could honestly see that I was wrong.Ultimately the problem was lack of communication. I felt that communicating with her now would get things back on track, but after a week of trying I finally accepted my doom. I was offered a second chance a few times during the week but It felt wrong when she did because I felt she really did fall out of love with me. I didnt want a second chance because she felt sorry for me.
We agreed to be friends and still hang out with each other. Now its very odd because were still hanging out as much as we used to and we still kiss and hold each other.
We both agreed that our personalities are compatible and still see another chance in the future. She really is great person and we adore and want each other in ours lives forever. I feel if theres any chance at all staying friends will make us realize if there really is something.
The problem now is that ive devoted so much into this relationship that now I don't have any friends of my own, and don't have anything going for me right now. I am now alone, distant from my family, and dont have any goals. It's difficult to move on.
should I stay friends with her and find out. Or should I attempt to move on.
How does someone get over something like this? Ive never felt so much pain in my life. Its unbearable. I feel very alone.
- studderine0
let me give you the bro answer, suck it up.
- studderine0
the non-bro answer, relationships always come and go. there is really nothing you could have done. no one ever thinks about breaking up when they argue. you were acting like you would have anyways. it sucks, but think of it this way: you learned something.
- bukka0
obviously if you still kiss and hang out then there is something still there. I would say talk and try to work things out, especially if you hang all the time.
or
give it a break and still be friends but if you are friends, just be friends nothing more...
- coffeesoy0
i know for a fact theres a 5% chance of us getting back together.
should I stay with her and try to be friends? does anyone break up and get back together?
or should I just leave?
I wish i could suck it up that easily. there are short moments of weakness when i feel suicidal.
- studderine0
suicidal over a girl? i mean i know you loved her, but man...its a girl. you'll be banging some hottie in like 6 months.
- pascii0
holy, what can i say. in about half a year from now, it will all be different. see it as a chance to go forward nd don't be depressed. go out and enjoy time with your true friends and family.
best luck!
- coffeesoy0
she wasnt just a girl. I feel like im losing my only friend.
Theres no motivation anymore
- tank020
work man, work work
- studderine0
come on man. things change so quickly. i assume this just happened, but dont beat yourself up.
you made the choice to be with her so much. you made her your life, which in my opinion was a bad move. start making friends, its not that hard.
- coffeesoy0
"go out and enjoy time with your true friends and family. "
she was/is my best friend. any other friends I had were hers to begin with. I don't speak with my family.
I really fucked myself.
- studderine0
i was in love, and i made the girl my life. i slowly figured out that was wrong. i needed my friends, work, and family. balanced.
- coffeesoy0
"i was in love, and i made the girl my life. i slowly figured out that was wrong. i needed my friends, work, and family. balanced."
I realized that. My only regret is i ruined a good thing by not realizing that a few weeks ago.
- Bullitt0
It's fuckin life bud, shit happens to us all. pull yourself up and move on.
It's like you thought your future was all planned out with her right? and now its shattered. It's tough, but the best thing to do is get out and do things, dont amplify it any more than it is, that will stay there for along time if it's genuine anyway. But go party, you'll pull another bird at some point, instant recovery, Go sharkin.
- studderine0
whatever you do. TRY NOT TO TALK TO HER SO MUCH.
- coffeesoy0
"whatever you do. TRY NOT TO TALK TO HER SO MUCH."
in hopes of getting her back. or for myself to get over her?
- spl33nidoru0
You should move on and focus on yourself, a year from now you'll be glad you did.
Friendships like you're experiencing right now only last as long as nobody's caught in anything else. Pretty soon you'll get busy with your life and so will she, and as much as you'll still care for another you'll only be in touch once in a while. New bfs/gfs come up and soon enough being close becomes problematic.
Focus on yourself and find your true goals, once you'll have reached them you'll understand more about the things you've done or not done in your relationship with her, and you'll realize that a part of you knew there was more to life than that even if you were a good match at that time.
Moving to the place/city/country you've always wanted to be in is a good start, keeps you busy and excited!
- pascii0
take yourself back coffeesoy! don't make yourself smaller than u are. every break up needs distance to think over. time will tell
- coffeesoy0
ill add that this came at a bad time. This week was her midterms. Shes on her period. She started her new bc pill. And she just met a new guy friend that she confided in the day after we got in a fight. She says "he makes her feel better"
- Prmthn0
Enter response:Funny how...the exact same problem is something I am going through right now. Don’t lie to yourself and say you have accepted things because if you really did then you would have moved on by now and not even giving her the chance of being a friend. How do you expect to be friends after a year long relationship? It just can’t happen man.
If it makes you feel any better let me give you my story. I hooked up with my girl a year ago, she did an internship with my previous company, we met and this girl was mad about me, almost at a point where she worshipped me. The only issue was that we had a long distance thing going on, since her Dad is here in Dubai while she is finishing up her studies in Bombay. The reason we said we are going to make this work is because next year she will be here for good and she used to come down every 2-3 months anyways so it was fantastic and things were working out. We are guys yeah and most of us are hot headed, we take out girlfriends for granted especially when they are the obsessed ones.
Don’t think of it is as a mistake or don’t blame it on all yourself. I know EXACTLY how you feel. Its strange to accept the fact that all of a sudden your girlfriend just switched off.
Back to my point in December my girl had come down and I was in the middle of switching jobs, things were amazingly weird for me, I am still young and I am still learning how to respond to situations. I work as an Art Director at BBDO Dubai and its an amazingly challenging environment, especially when you are young because you are trying to fit in within the big agency atmosphere and you have lot on your mind. I used to come back home and I couldn’t speak to my girl AS MUCH on msn, I always used to be so tired and just wanted to sleep, this is where she should have been understanding. I didn’t see her for 2-3 months she came back finally and I was really happy, I had finally learned how to prioritize my time and I was getting good at my job. My girl was also coming down for 3 months this time (summer vacations) so I thought we would make most of this time. But man...the night she came down, next day we kiss and she tells me “It doesn’t feel the same anymore” I mean WTF! Haha she just switched off. As a typical guy the first thought that came to my mind was there is some other guy, she told me she was emotionally getting attached to some guy back home but she stopped it since it didn’t feel right, she wasn’t physically intimate with the guy at all. Its been 2 months, I saw her everyday and cried everytime I saw her. It came to a point where my girl told me on my face that “I have seen changes in you Humza, and I am so proud of you, I hate to see you hurt and I know I am a bitch for hurting you and I also know the only reason I can make you smile is by being back with you, which I can’t do.” Dude my chick is mentally ill also, that’s the problem with some of younger girls, they have too much on their mind. Its like they are a walking pussycat dolls music video.
I still see her now – we are in this “friends” mood right now haha which is absolutely stupid because she still passes on comments to me saying “wow you look good today, you smell good, I love the way you are doing this and that...” I mean if she treats her “friends” that way then she definitely has issues. Dude its like a fucking a game, If you think she is worth fighting for, be her friend, understand her more because there is soo many things I never knew about my girl but I do now. Yeah she is my ex I know that but I got a heart also and I have tried soo much but I really can’t let go of her. She pisses me of SOO much man but whenever I see her face, its all gone. Sounds really mushy I can’t believe I am typing this out, but its true. If you and your girl are still kissing and holding hands man that is really good, she still loves you. My girlfriend directly tells me on my face “I am out of love, I don’t want to love anyone anymore, whatever I touch ends up getting fucked, I don’t want a relationship ever” but she is just talking nonsense to get attention. Treat her like a child, make your girl smile a lot, take her out, make her respect you. Really put in the effort and understand her and trust me, your phone won’t stop ringing :-)Its very tough to be friends with someone you like so much but just keep on doing what you are doing and trust me her care for you everyday will only get stronger and she will start missing what she had in the past.
ALL my friends ask me to stay away from my girl because they know she hurts me but man she is going through a weird phase, be there for her, help her, respect her because you love her and she deserves it. The reason you missing her soo much right now is because there are qualities in her that no one else has.Learn how to keep a conversation with her also, don’t suck up, tell her if you think what she thinks is not right but give her a logical explanation also about it.
Hope everything works out for you, I am just like you man – I have no friends either because I invested so much time in my girl so the loss is great for us, keep your head up boy.
- coffeesoy0
wow thanks prmthn.