unemployment
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- 37 Responses
- JazX0
huh?
- toastie0
The right to borrow your car, bike, or other vehical(s) for the period of 2 months after your firing.
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randoman
- shaft0
Did the boss read you your rights as he was firing you?
- magicpatch0
Sorry to read about you getting fired from your job, by a real asshole of a boss.
- JazX0
Monday morning start applying to jobs or even now.
- toastie0
yeah, im polishing up the old resume and might even get my site up finally.
- randoman0
shaft , did some digging around and this is something that industry was supplied with in order to have a boss correctly fire an employee:
Freedom of Execution
July 15th 2002
Ammended to the Patriot Act July 20th 2002.RE: Internal staff.
Please use the following as a guide when firing employees. New regulation demands that the employee in question have his/her desk cleaned and removed from the premisis prior to the release. After reading the following rights to the employee, please have them quietly escorted from the building by security. Thanks.
Freedom of Execution:
1. You must leave, and leave quickly. we no longer wish to employee you as a part of this company.
2. You have no right to collect unemployment or any money for damages that may occur from such a situation.
3. I have to right to enter your home or apartment for the period of one month from this date. If you refuse such entry, I will be given a police escort which shall be paid by you.
4. I have the right to use any or all means of transportation that you have in your possession for up to a period not to exceed 2 months. This includes use of your bike, car, or rollerblades.
5. I have the right to aquire and use the phone numbers limited to your immidate family, so that I may contact them and inform them of your release from the company and the problems that you have caused which led us to our decision.
6. I have the right to use force in a manner which subdues your person if you choose to say anything to myself or others employed by this company after I have finished reading you these rights.
7. I have the right to collect a $5 per day fee from you until your position has been filled which is not to exceed four months. This is applied in conjunction with the Fair Tax and Employer Freedom Act of 2002.
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- toastie0
jesus, what the holly fuck
- toastie0
*runs, hides his rollerblades*
- JazX0
randoman, that might be true, but that doesn't mean toastie's employer knows about it. Party Pooper!
- ArtDirector0
nah, Randoman must be joking
- randoman0
This is even worse:
Amendment 451
Employer Freedom Act
August 2002RE: New addition to code of ethics and inter-office relationships.
Just in, there has been some dispute as to how to handle interoffice relationships and sexual harrassment charges. please refer to the following as it is our new procedure.
1. If an employee approaches you and threatens to press charges for sexual harrassment please do the following. You should also ingauge them if you over hear conversation that involes similar action against upper management.
a. Render the employee uncouncious by non-violent means if possible.
b. Carry the employee to the nearest custodial closet or empty break room and secure them inside.
c. Contact upper management and await further orders.2. If two or more employees are found to have had or are having relationships with one another, quickly render them unconcious in a non-violent manner and have security place at least 1 mile from the premisis.
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- toastie0
hahaha
- bk_shankz0
Unemployment. Getting paid to get drunk every night. But go cheap! Love it.
- tehgee0
i had a fling with a coworker and we hookedup in boss office all the time cuz it had a lock:P
- randoman0
Did you know they could render you unconcious if u got caught?
- tehgee0
im pretty sure i would have rendered myself unconcious!!!