dating advice...
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- snocat
this is not the place but maybe you guys share the same experience and can give me some advice...
Im married, 1 year already. I just found my wife secretly posted her profile and image on a dating service website seeking for a male. On her diary, I found out that she meet someone from the internet and went out without me knowing!
Shocking story, but maybe part of it is my problem. For the last 6 months I wasn't really active with my wife. After work, or the weekends I have always stayed home and read, computer, design. Trying to improve my self. I haven't taken her out as much for like 6 months. dinner, entertainment, etc...
She is really into me and wants to be together whenever i am free. But I in the other hand tries to be a designer and work on myself whenever i get the chance. Maybe this is the motivation for her.
And what's worse is that sometimes when i design, i get depressed and feels like going crazy.
What do you think?
Long and loose post, friday....hope someone would read....
- snocat0
long story short:
married for 1 year
work my ass off to improve myself and ignore her 'wants' most of the time
saw my wife post her profile and picture on dating service website and went out secretly with another guy
i get depressed when i look at my own designs....and 3 years ago, it wasn't like this, i was happy, excited and having fun when designing.....
- Redmond0
You should definitely spend more time with her. And talk to her about what you're doing at night, I mean the design thing. Make her feel involved.
- snocat0
i think im afraid of being social, or at least sometimes i am unable to speak what my mind feels and instead, blur out unfocused string of words without clearly knowning what to say..
i get nervous in front of people and feels like something stuck in my head that blocks me from speaking and interacting with people....
AHHHHH!
- Jnr_Madison0
If I ever found out my wife (although I'm not married but have been with my gf for 8+ rs) had done anything like that I'd have her bags packed and on the front lawn in 10 mins.
- snocat0
Redmond
Well, she knows i am always designing, and i m afraid to show my works to people i know especially my wife...
sometimes i even close my door to design, afraid that she would see it....
once i tried designing with her looking beside me, and i just couldn't do it my mind goes completely blank and nothing sparks....
- monokrom0
Not spending plenty of QT with your spouse hardly gives them an excuse to place internet personals and meet up with strange guys. Cause to ask you to have a heart to heart and share her concerns with you, give you a chance to try to make more time for her, plan things to do to put some oomph back into your relationship, sure. Cause to cheat? Hells no.
Whatever happens now, your relationship has been poisoned by your wife.
If you are *absolutely* sure that she placed this personal and then met some guy, then, run (do not walk) to divorce her now or you could be very very sorry later. From the sound of your post, you're still working to get yourself established. The longer you stick it out , the worse a divorce would be later.
- snocat0
Jnr_Madison
But the thing is she is my first gf/wife and I feel i just can't let myself go with the fact of seperating.
One side i feel that this is my first gf/wife and i feel i would miss the experience, the society, the different of people, and not having enough fun.
On the other side, im afraid. she treats me well and i feel like im not gonna meet someone like this, ever.
- snocat0
Monokrom
thanks you very much for your expert reply and advice.
on the dating service, it has a diary, and i read my wife's diary. She said she went out with a guy today for 1 hour and states that the guy is pretty nice.
Also, her post on the dating service was 'single, not married'.
I feel your advice is what I really should do...but I honestly don't have enough courage at the moment and having plenty of other trouble in my hand.
Will this 'courage' come later? Will courage come when the time is right? Or is this within my ability?
- SLAZ0
to me it sounds if you are looking for someone to tell you to stay with her...
but the truth is...if you know, that she has a profile posted and has went out to meet other guys...you only know of this one occassion, whats to say it didnt happen more than once? And just hangin out? or sleeping with them? You dont know this stuff....
If I was you (and I am not), I would end shit with her. Confront her about it and send her on her way. If your habits are that bad and she cant deal...then she should want to leave.
I DONT SHARE CHICS...EVER!
Unless she is a one night thing, then everyone can run through her... haha...that should make you smile!
Cheer up, grab your balls and show her the door. The trust is gone.
Sorry to be harsh..but it only gets worse. Good luck.
- gravityroom0
Dude - its Friday night - why are you not doing anything with her now? I understand the need for personal time to grow, but you'll never be a good designer if you can't enteract with people.
Design is communication. Unless you are an artist, then being antisocial can be an experiment.
Work it out with your wife. Don't ignore her - people are more important than design...
- Jnr_Madison0
I can totally understand your fears but this isn't a "...oh I was drunk and something happened" sort a things. She is actually planning to go and cheat on you. No matter how shit you treat her there has to be limits.
- History0
dude, maybe you should leave her eventually if she would jsut cheat on you, but she hasn't yet. Maybe she even wanted to get caught, maybe this is just a desperate way to get your attention. Of course I may be wrong, but when it's about your wife who you were willing to be commit yourself for the rest of your long life, let's err on the side of caution, shall we? And it's great and all that you're trying to build yourself as a designer, but come on, it's not more important than your marriage. I'd rather be a crappy designer and have a great marriage rather than the other way round, which I guess a lot of people have.
- luke0
just ask yourself - are you or your wife more important for you.
if it´s your wife stop hifing yourself and get your action going - if it is you - even if it will be a quite hard time, but you should definately leave her.don´t make the mistake and wat untl she´s leaving you - everything will only get harder for you - just ask yourself : cna you dance to her beat?
- mitsu0
i think you have general anxiety and depression problems or something similar judging by your symptoms. (could be wrong though) and i think these are what are really affecting your relationship.
i'm just telling you what i would do, but i'd see a doctor about my personal issues and confront your wife about what you know. nothing is more important in a relationship than honesty and communication and if this just gets swept under the carpet, it will resurface later on.
tell her exactly what you told us, and hopefully she'll understand. and then you'll really need to start showing affection and love. although, that comes from within... not really something you should have to 'try' all the time.
good luck to you both!
- mrdobolina0
you are married and your wife keeps a diary? Thats odd in and of itself. but if you have direct access to this diary, this story sounds like bullshit to me.
sorry if Im wrong, but if it is true.. I would kill that bitch (figuratively). its your wife for christs's sake. If you cant trust her, the whole world you know may come crashing down around you.
cut yer losses kid.
- brooke0
What
would make
YOU
happyiest?
- Mick0
What's more important in your life? Having a signifigant other or having a design career?
Remember work is only 8 hours a day, 5 days a week.
Talk to your wife and tell her you've been doing some thinking and want to spend more time with her. And do it. Most of all just talk, communicate, that's what its all about.
I sometimes spend way too much time on the computer than I should but I make sure while I am I take breaks every 15 minutes and talk to my wife, get ger drinks, chat... she reads or watches tv or whatever but she never feels alone when I'm working/designing.
When I am flat-out working I make it up and take her out to dinner or give her my full attention the next day, buy her gifts, etc.
Balance. Communicate. But most of all it sound slike you need to really think about what's important to you in life.
- sexypixel0
what was a married man doing looking on a dating website?
- sexypixel0
but ya, talk to her, tell her how you feel. communicate. its the only way
- unknown0
man this is BS