Relationship Advice
Out of context: Reply #39
- Started
- Last post
- 66 Responses
- monokrom0
(replying to kote's initial post)
You wrote that you'd been seeing her for 14 months and that she'd broached the subject of marriage on many occasions. You didn't indicate the point at which she began talking about getting hitched, but the earlier she began talking about it, the more of a warning signal it was. Honestly, plenty of people date *for years* before marrying (and that is, imho, all for the better). When someone is trying to hustle you into that level of commitment (if you put the pieces together and realize that she was talking about marriage / future / pie in the sky intangible things all the time, then that's what she was doing ... regardless of how benign it may have seemed at the time), you should be wary. Marriage is nothing to take upon one's self lightly.
When you told her that you thought that you guys should wait until she finished college or you were in a more financially secure position, those were REASONS (good reasons btw), not EXCUSES. The fact that she seems to have chafed at your raising legit concerns is another big big warning signal.
Then I read about her laying in your bed and sobbing because you were working instead of spending time with her. Danger!!! Danger Will Robinson !!!
You're going to do what you're going to do, regardless of what anyone says here, but I wanted to chip in my 2 cents because I was in a relationship several years ago that seems similar in some respects to what you're going through now.
The girl sounds incredibly emotionally immature. Run. Run now. If she's really truly moved on and found a new object of affection / source of emotional gratification, then great. If whatever guy she's currently using dries up or the other guy is a work of fiction aimed at putting you through the emotional ringer, then she may sniff around you again. In that case - move apartments, change your numbers, filter your email, etc.
She may be a wonderful person after she finishes growing up, but right now she sounds as though she's in poor-needy-me mode. If you reward her for that kind of behavior, she will suck the soul right out of you.
From what I've seen of you online, you're a decent sort of person. Honestly, I think that you're beating yourself up too much about the amount of time that you spent or didn't spend with her. Moreover, presumably when you were burning the midnight oil working, you were, at least in part, trying to provide for your future with this girl. It wasn't all earmarked for coke and hookers, right? Apparently, she didn't realize that OR she can't think further than "me lonely, me need attention now, me feel worthless unless getting attention". In any case, she is bad news.
Believe me, there are women out there who are capable of holding up their end of a mature relationship. Don't waste any more of your time on women who aren't.
PS : once someone calls it quits in a relationship, it never seems to be right again anyway. Sometimes, two people will put the pieces back together and the relationship will limp along for a certain length of time, but there's no future in that.