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Out of context: Reply #76474
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- BusterBoy24
A friend of mine killed himself 2 days ago.
We'd been friends for 35 years. Played sport with him every week with a few other guys. Got to know him well...but I never really felt close to him even though I was a groomsman at his wedding and was godfather to one of his kids.
I don't think he had many other friends and it's fair to say we'd grown apart the last 10 or so years.
He was a raging alcoholic and would occasionally call me totally wasted, and proceed to verbally abuse me for no apparent reason. Totally unhinged.
Must admit the past couple of years when he'd call, I would often ignore it. The thought of talking to him when he was trashed was extremely triggering given some personal circumstances when I was growing up.
His life was a shambles...lost his family, his job and all his money.
And I'm wracked with guilt...I was really a terrible friend.
- Sorry for your loss. Very difficult to maintain any type of close connection when someone is in active addiction. You didn’t let him down.mort_
- damn. sorry.
you were a good friend and you were there for as long as you could. boundaries are necessary.
and now I need to call my special friend.uan - It's normal for you to feel this way right now. But self-preservation is important, and friendships go both ways. Getting out of a spiral starts within.spl33nidoru
- damn..milfhunter
- Sorry for your loss @BusterBoy; addiction and depression are killers. Focus on the good stories if/when you can. XOideaist
- suicide is the biggest killer of men our age, so don't feel guilty. Seems his death was incremental, still really sad.PhanLo
- Picking up the phone for a friend is the easiest thing you can do.robthelad
- ^ don't be a dick.Continuity
- I'm sorry for your loss, buster. As others have said, you're not to blame.Continuity
- No. You don't have to let yourself get down to show affection... I've lost many friends this way, never blame yourself, hugs :(OBBTKN
- Heavy stuff, Buster ❤️PonyBoy
- While I understand your guilt, you really need to let that go. A drunk asshole is going to do drunk asshole things.BonSeff
- I know this because I walked the drunk asshole path for a while. These endings are very sad and only hurt those who cared.BonSeff
- Nothing you could do man, absolutely not a terrible friend.garbage
- You aren't responsible for what an addict does, and you certainly didn't deserve his drunken abuse. He let his life turn to shit.i_monk
- He was the terrible friend. You couldnt've done anything to stop him, he didn't want that. I'm sorry that you're going through this.
xNairn - Buster, I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. It’s not your fault—life can be painfully unfair, especially when things are beyond our control.utopian
- It's very common to feel some kind of guilt after experiencing anything like this. The truth is that he was a terrible friend, not you. I'm sorry for your loss.CyBrainX
- Suicide by a friend or close family member can actually shorten the life of the survivors by up to five years, through stress and guilt. it's worth...PhanLo
- ...remembering that.PhanLo
- I feel so sad for his children...late teens. Devastating.
I know it's not my "fault"...but I can't help think maybe if I didn't ignore his calls...
Sucks ball.BusterBoy - Heavy. So sorry for what you're going through, Buster. Stay strong. And try to forgive him. He let you down, not the other way around.Krassy
- there's a swedish proverb "Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it." But that applies to people in the innermost circle...ArchitectofFate
- ... remember the good times, let the regrettable thoughts enter ,acknowledge them and send them on their way. Don't let them weigh you down.ArchitectofFate
- This is not your fault, and it wouldn't have changed anything if you picked up the phone. Would he remember? My friend Pete is on the same path :-(canoe
- This beautiful and horrible life...Sorry BusterBoystoplying