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Out of context: Reply #68239
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- set20
I shared here a while back about my girlfriend, who I loved dearly, having to leave the country and me choosing not to go with her. I don't remember exactly what I wrote but the jist of it was that I was worried about my sociopathy levels as I felt absolutely zero emotion toward it, while she cried every single day for the month leading up to it. I think I did suggest that it'd probably hit me once she'd actually gone and it had sunk in.
Well, it did. It's been 5 months now and I still cry like a baby every single day. I have to hide in the toilet at work like an idiot. We spent every day together for years and she was really the only person in the world that I truly felt close with. We still talk but my lack of emotion leading up to it made her think that I didn't really care about her and she was able to move on and get on with her life much better than I.
I've had this sadness once before in my life, that I remember, but that time I hid from it with alcohol and dating new people, keeping myself busy and eventually finding someone to replace that hole. This time I've chosen not to hide from it, and indeed to face it head on, and I've learnt a hell of a lot about myself. I've spent so much time alone with my emotions, like I never have done before, and I've learnt that the pain and sadness stems from not really loving or accepting myself. It stems, actually, from being beaten and then left by my father, and as a small child, rationalising that behaviour the only way I could, that this person that I loved is attacking me and then left, so clearly I must not be good enough. I've also learnt how to open up and not bottle up my emotions like I have done my entire life. It's brought me closer with the people in my life.
It's been one hell of a year so far for me. I'm freer, kinder, more accepting and less judgemental, far more open, and I feel more excited about the future and about life further down the line than ever before, but at the same time I have a constant fluttering feeling in my belly , the feeling of loss and emptiness, and I cry like a child multiple times a day, every day, for months now. As a grown man that is, I think, even tougher, as I can't really do that in front of people.
In the spirit of openness, I thought I'd share, and I think it helps me simply writing it down.
Cherish those you love, and don't take them for granted.
- Anyone that knows me or has met me would say I'm confident and they would probably say I'm arrogant, and I guess I always have been...set
- ... now I realise that has always been a mask to hide the inner feeling of not being good enough. Of not accepting myself. :)set
- Now I truly have no problem showing my vulnerability. It's been quite an enlightening experience.set
- I guess not truly, otherwise I wouldn't hide in the bathroom and cry, haha. But no one wants to see some cunt crying in the office.set
- Stop typing. Get off QBN. Buy a flight. Go visit her!microkorg
- she went to Italy right? jut exit your uk life, don't even worry about it, get to Italy, hussle, online work, bar work, whatever, have fun, life is short.shapesalad
- travel is ok, living abroad is great. A fish out of water grows wings.shapesalad
- And nothing wrong with a grown man crying. Welcome it. You're alive, you have feelings, you're not a robot, you're on a journey, enjoy every second of it.shapesalad
- Took me a whole year after my divorce, but then it got "better". I know we don't want to hear it in times like this but it'll get better eventually.Maaku
- Hang on, you'll be fine.Maaku
- Me and my wife moved to NYC eight years ago when we were still dating. Broke our life apart and in the last almost decade we've put it back together and got....DaveO
- ...further than we would have if we'd have stayed in London. Married, two American kids, might go back sometime, might not. Such a valuable experience, do it!DaveO
- Also, kudos for sharing.DaveO
- thanks for posting this. means a lot, truly. also at least u feel alive and aware to it and not dull like before.inteliboy
- https://78.media.tum…shapesalad
- Hey dude, stoic philosophy helped me a great deal when I broke up with my girl after 8 years together. Also your childhood, I can relate.robthelad
- what a cuntFax_Benson
- That was an amazing story but you didn't even say why she had to go and why you didn't want to go with her. Can it still be salvaged this much later?CyBrainX
- just kidding. Genuinely appreciated reading it, +1 set.Fax_Benson
- My father told me to wallow in it. Really know it like you are. You were deep in love; it’s a huse loss. Experience it; It becomes you and now you know it.monospaced
- I had that once many years ago. Then I moved to nyc and eventually got married. Once you have kids those emotions take over but it’s not grief.monospaced
- this right here, is why im probably still on QBN/Newstoday. We may only really know each other via this screen, but after all these years, I feel like we DOexador1
- kinda know each other. Set, that took a ton of guts to write out. I think I can safely say we're all proud of you dude.exador1
- not sure if you've taken the time to tell all this to her or not, but it's worth a shot dude. She may have been weirded out by your silence leading up to herexador1
- leaving, but if you can tell her what you've just told us, it might go a LONG way to repair the damage etc, and who knows?...maybe fix things?exador1
- all that aside, I'm proud of ya dude. it takes a lot to expose your feelings and be true to what's going on in your life.exador1
- And for what it's worth, there's a ton of creative folks all around the world that consider you a friend, and someone worth knowing.exador1
- That was really sweet, set. It gets better every day I promise. I broke up with my ex fiance over 10 years ago now. He was my best friend, but it wasn't ashellie
- marriage match. so i had to let him go find someone who is. and it was the worst possible feeling for me at the time save for the death of my father.shellie
- i thought id never get over it and id be somewhat scarred by the experience. But looking back I can tell you with 100% certainty, I'm fine.shellie
- and i dont even think about him except for times like this, and all my memories are nice and sweet. now he has a family and im living my best life. it turnedshellie
- for the best. good luck bruv.shellie
- Is it too soon to suggest putting Set's face on the Neymar gif? ;-)shapesalad
- ^ haha.
I appreciate all of the replies. Truly :)set - Book that plane ticket already!
Went through something similar a couple years ago, it made me way more empathetic, I’m glad for that.dyspl - dont worry qbn is here for you.docpoz
- The Butt of the Day thread always cheers me up, have you tried that??robotron3k
- Brave post. I also was abused so I get how fucked up it makes one. Have you reached out and told this lady? If you are still feeling like this itmugwart
- is a pretty big sign.mugwart
- Happy to give my email if you want to just blurt away.
Your not an "idiot" for crying multiple times a day makes you honest to your emotionmugwart - Kudos for crying. I'm have no tears no more.pango
- if you're crying every day something is wrong. your life must change.docpoz
- see a shrinkdocpoz
- set face saddocpoz
- Go get her!instrmntl
- @doc, its a broken heart Set has, its utterly natural.
Set - what instrmntl says! Worlds going mad, its best be with the one you lovemugwart - If your ex has moved on, and is in a relationship, you have to let her go.BonSeff
- If she is still single, go salvage your relationship.BonSeff
- err, attempt to salvage. if its not in the cards, YOU must move on. And you can.BonSeff
- I didn't cry for about ten years. Mugwart, we should chat sometime mate, I think we have a lot in common :)set
- I'm not sure about the less judgemental part tho. Lolpango
- Appreciate all the replies. Love all of you. Even the wanky cunty mcfuckface ones xset
- Set, I believe we do. Here if you need me: summon[@]matleach.co...mugwart
- ^good guy here :)dyspl
- Xoxopango
- Mugwart, the love guru. I'd see professional help. He's in a deep depression. I've had a broken heart before.docpoz
- I think he's bullshitting cause he knows she reads this and he wants to win her back. Good show.docpoz
- sorry, my detective instincts kicked in.docpoz
- Denial is the first stage of grief. Hang in there, it'll get better.garbage
- “Getting the love you want” by Hendricks is one of the most poignant books I’ve read this year next to “Naked Mind”. Thanks for sharing this, set.notype
- Email sent!pango
- Go see her. And if you happen to drive instead of fly, have a break in Zurich and I pay you some nice, cold, overpriced beer.Longcopylover
- Get a fucking site up, mugwart.
I'm not commenting here, but I was the first to +1 the post, so fuck you.
xdetritus - Went through a marriage separation a few years ago - cried more then than ever before. Even my mother dying didn't compare to the sense of loss. Same as you..pedromendez
- I cried on the way to work, in work, felt broken. It passes, cliche - but time heals. Speak to your friends & family, open up. And things get much better :)pedromendez
- fuck you too @det ;-)mugwart
- that 'fuck you' was aimed at set, because frenemies/ frustrated love...detritus
- misread, not used to this English heat it seems, I mean its been 2 weeks of hot!mugwart
- If I could click my fingers and have her back, I genuinely wouldn't do it. Believe it or not.set
- It's hard to lose your partner like that, especially when neither of you want to, but ultimately she wasn't right for me and I've learnt so much about myselfset
- We grow the most from suffering and hard times, and the place of looking back with a laugh and a thank you is coming in to sight, finally. Much love, all xset
- Sad to read this set. Had a crazy two years too and recently posted so to you being one of the only to reply. I have found myself in a hole I cannot dig out ofDarkCover
- Daughter was a premie, later diagnosed with cerebral palsy and has been an extremely rough path as my personal failures dealing with it all affect themDarkCover
- both and while I know they need and deserve more I dont have it most days after barely keeping my head above water myself but starting to see the end of theDarkCover
- tunnel and hope you will soon too. Self awareness is a TOUGH thing and like you carry daddy issues I cannot let go of even though I know i can and should. XODarkCover
- ^ shit dude you okay?mugwart
- Fuck, DarkCover.
xdetritus - Thanks for caring Mug and Det... I am doing better day by day and while I posted my drama it was to tell Set things DO get better and hope they do for him too.DarkCover