Client of the Day
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- noneck1
Client: “Site looks good, and you can go ahead and launch it. Can we make sure that when people search for us on Google that we come up first? Here are the terms we should be #1 for: <20 keyword pairings> Thanks.”
- Some company contacted me offering #1 Google for one keyword w/ one minor Canadian city (not TO, Van, or MTL) at a cost of $10,000/month per city.nb
- It's a great service. I've never actually used them, but it's VERY useful as something to quote to clients when they ask for guaranteed rankings.nb
- Because for some reason the clients asking for #1 on Google never ever expect it to cost more than an hour or two of work.nb
- ^ Gonna steal that.noneck
- Yeah, I just calmly tell them, "Sure, I can put you in touch with a company that specializes in that. They charge..." haha always a funny reaction from clients.nb
- Literally wanna kill people on that one. "Someone told me you can just buy the top spot from Google". k.section_014
- aslip0
Was given annual list of "100 Things to do" for local tourism client. In previous years, they had a list that read like body copy. Thinking of the reader/tourist, we categorized, labeled and broke apart the items.
Client response: "We don't want things grouped and labeled. People like to hunt for their business or event to see if it made the list."
- ArmandoEstrada0
Overheard today:
"Can you create a temple and show our staff how to use Indesign?"
- sofakingback2
Today I received the best client email of my 15 years as a designer, its so hilarious Im considering framing it.
So long story short, the ex owner of an agency I worked for wanted a logo for his new angle investment company. He's one over in a group of owners.
They wanted it spec and I said hell no. He said Ok, I'll pay.
The initial direction was lame, I tried guiding them a better direction, blah blah blah, story is as old as time. You know how it goes. We finally settled on a logo and then he went dark for a month or so...
Then this new guy hits me up and says he's gonna take over the project, he seemed fairly easy going picked a different version of the logo and went off to create stuff with it.
I was waiting on the check to arrive and then I get this email from him:
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"Jorge -
One of our partners just pointed out something in the logo that's kind of messing it up for us. If you look at it a certain way, it looks like a vagina. Is there anything you can do to the bug to make it less so?
Also the font choice is perhaps a little mixed up considering our branding focus to be more approachable and less bullshitty. Can you check out our site and see if you get inspired for a different font for the logo?
Also we have budget now and I'm happy to report that we can pay you for your time. So let me know about that.
Thanks,
K"------
I don't even know how to respond because theres so much win in this email...
before you ask the typeface I used was Helvetica Rounded. The logo has a seed icon because its a seed company... I highly, HIGHLY advised against the seed! lol
- "No, people like vaginas and sex sells."freedom
- "It's perfect because when I met you I thought, cunt."MrT
- epic.sted
- get paid for what you've done and thus far - then make it look more like a vaginaFax_Benson
- I got paid. sent an email trying to make sense of his email. Never heard back from them. They're now using a letter-mark logo, like I originally suggested. •_•sofakingback
- That bloody hilariouswheelBoy
- sted1
Going trough a new client's Q&A email responses:
"We don't have Skype, we just yell at each other."
this is going to be fun!%
- http://img.pandawhal…utopian
- Sounds good. 'we're always on skype' = we're gonna fucking annoy you 24/7Fax_Benson
- SlashPeckham-1
When your client sees his new logo for the first time:
- ShaneHolley5
A while back an account director said:
Her
"Can we have vertical stripes on it, but have them going horizontally"Me
" you mean horizontal stripes?"Her
"No. They are vertical but on their side."I used horizontal stripes in said visual and she was very happy. Lovely.
- vertizontal stripes are so hot right nowFax_Benson
- I had a guy tell me lines were so last year. I asked, oh whats "in" this year?
Dotted lines. *blank staresofakingback
- noneck2
Client asks for a pylon sign. No problem. Throw their logo on a box that fits the sign and send it.
Client says no. Proceeds to ask for exactly what I gave them in round 1.
Send the same file again. "Is this what you're looking for?"
Client, "Yes, perfect. Great job!"
- monoboy0
Two this week already...
__"Hey, how's it going?"
Good, do you want to have a conf call later on this afternoon?
...gets a google invite for 12.00pm from his PA.
__"Can you look at X for me this week as well?"
I'm super busy right now but I can look at that once I've finished those jobs we scheduled for this week.
"Oh, can you also do X for me, today ideally?"
__Do people read anything you send them anymore?
- face_melter0
One of the (senior) partners said yesterday that we need to put together a couple of quick preview views for the end of the week - no problemo - he was on site and took a few photos that we could drop the model into - again, no problemo - all of the partners carry pocket Leicas (rebranded Lumix dlux 5's which I know is a decent pocket camera after owning one - brilliant black and whites). Anyway. I look at the shots today and they are all vertical/portrait - I have to make a panorama from the shots he took.
The d-lux lens is wide enough to take in the entire building in landscape.
- monoboy1
Today I get this. In response to a fully costed, on brand and slick looking set of packaging concepts. Weeks after it was sent.
I spent days on it. Which will still get billed.
- ugfht, Worst thing to hear! Ball's in their court, the stupid fucks. Charge them for what you've done and gtfo.detritus
- They're actually a good client, never quibble invoices but do make totally bonkers decisions. Can be exhausting.monoboy
- Imagine you telling your accountant that your 7 year old niece is good at maths and has drafted some figures to use on your annual return.fruitsalad
- That's how your client is talking.fruitsalad
- that's what he should call his design company:
Linda's Daughters BoyfriendGnash
- OBBTKN1
Working on a town aerial view illu, and the client said something like... "no, it's wrong, the church is in right side of the road, not left side..."
i am using Google Earth + Google Maps for reference and i've been a ton of times on this town, i know where the road is!!
- #alternative_factsArchitectofFate
- rotate your view by 180°, or alternatively rotate the client by 180°uan
- Tell the client it's a special church on a gimbal that always faces you whatever side of the road you are driving on.face_melter
- Satanic anti-church?detritus
- monoboy1
Today I get an attached winmail.dat file that was supposed to contain a load of important files.
I ask for him to just re-send the PDFs as an attachment or send a .zip archive instead.
Reply "We don’t appear to have access to Zip documents here".
From a large international insurance company with the strapline...
Business Without Barriers™
- monoboy2
Another classic today.
I produced some illustrations last Monday, tight turnaround, client keen to get them done. No problem, I had a light week.
The first draft goes up that afternoon, I get some minor positive feedback. I post back same day, ask a few questions, await further feedback.
Nothing until 5pm on Friday. Then a huge long email arrives with a complete spec change and my mobile starts going. I don't answer.
He then emails asking for it to be done today.
Sorry mate, you missed your slot. I'm busy till Thursday.
Have some respect for people's time for fucks sake.
- (Sorry I sound like a moany bitch but good grief).monoboy
- No you don't. I hate clients like this. They unburden themselves on a Friday so they can enjoy their weekend at the cost of yours.ETM
- Clients try this all the time and I won't have it. Sorry, not unless I agreed ahead of time to work the weekend or they want to pay rush (double) rate.ETM
- Got another today as well. Billboard artwork due last week, didn't get the spec I asked for until today. 'Can we have it today'.monoboy
- Drives me up the fooking wall. This is also how mistakes get made.monoboy
- this is exactly how mistakes get made and then somehow they blame the designer. i hate this shit.capn_ron
- sted2
"We need someone that can do the back door stuff, make things work better etc"
- ...
...
...anal? err...sofakingback - what a shitty thing to say!utopian
- Chinese clients are the best, no chit-chat, straight to the point!sted
- lol stedGnash
- ...
- ArmandoEstrada1
Told client he will have quote end of today. At 5pm he text me "why haven't I received my quote?". I went back, added $3000 asshole tax, and sent at 5:01.
- HAYZ1LLLA0
Once had a client who asked me to quote some work. Hadn't heard from them in a few years.
The email he sent me asking for the quote was a RE: to our last communication we had in which I was informing him I was taking legal proceedings for not paying his bills.
- monoboy0
Can I have some simple signage made to send to my supplier?
...of course. I visit, measure, design and artworked
Perfect.
....Great, here's the final PDFs, just send it on to you supplier with my instructions above.
A MONTH LATER
Where's my signage, I open next week and it's still not arrived?
...Odd, give them a chase, when did you send the artwork?
Oh.
- monoboy0
Same geezer...
Have you switched over my new email address on the website?
....Yes, we did it last month. I sent you a few test emails and you replied. MailChimp is also receiving new subscriptions OK.
Thank god for Basecamp. Seriously.
- I document every client interaction and post recaps in Basecamp for this exact reason. Has saved my ass countless times.Crack_Junkie
- I hate crap like this when couldn't they just LOOK at their own website to check? Or submit a test contact form?ETM
- He can't really use a computer. Verifying his email for MailChimp took a 30 minute phone call that felt like a scene from Airplane.monoboy
- Wow... considering most grandparents now can email, browse the web and use Facebook without issue.ETM