Joke of the Day
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- Not_Just_Another0
A man flying in a hot air balloon realises he is lost. He reduces his altitude, spots a man in a field down below and shouts, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?" The man replies, "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, about 30 feet above this field." "You must be an engineer," says the balloonist. "I am. How did you know?" says the man. "Everything you told me is technically correct, but it's of no use to anyone." The man below says, "You must be in management." "I am. But how did you know?" says the balloonist. "You don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."
- mistermik0
A man is lying in bed in a Catholic hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth. A young auxiliary nurse appears to sponge his face and hands.
"Nurse, he mumbles from behind the mask, "Are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed the young nurse replies, "I don't know, I'm only here to wash your face and hands."
He struggles again to ask, "Nurse, Are my testicles black?"
Again the nurse replies, "I can't tell. I'm only here to wash
your face and hands.The ward sister was passing and saw the man getting a little
distraught so marched over to inquire what was wrong."Sister," he mumbled, "Are my testicles black?"
Being a nurse of longstanding, the sister was undaunted. She
whipped back the bedclothes, pulled down his pajama trousers, moved his penis out of the way, had a right good look, pulled up the pajamas, replaced the bedclothes and announced, "Nothing wrong with them!!!"At this the man pulled off his oxygen mask and asked again, "Are my test results back??
- hahaha7point34
- AHAHAHAH.Corvo2
- HAHAHHAHAHAAHAHA...Coffeemaker
- BEST JOKE EVER!!!Coffeemaker
- janne760
A beautiful, well endowed, young blonde, goes to her local pet store in search of an exotic pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box full of frogs. The sign says: Sex Frogs! Only $20 each! Money Back Guarantee! (Comes with complete instructions).
The girl excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her and whispers softly to the man behind the counter, "I'll take one." The man packaged the frog and said, "Just follow the instructions carefully."
The girl nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home. As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, the girl takes out the instructions and reads them thoroughly, doing exactly what it says to do:
1. Take a shower.
2. Splash on some nice smelling perfume.
3. Slip into a very sexy teddy.
4. Crawl into bed and position the frog in place.She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and, to her surprise, nothing happens! The girl is totally frustrated and quite upset at this point. She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says, "If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet store." So, the girl calls the pet store.
The man says, "I had some complaints earlier today. I'll be right over." Within five minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell. The girl welcomes him in and says, "See, I've done everything according to the instructions and the damn thing just sits there."
The man, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares directly into its eyes and sternly says: "Listen to me! I'm only going to show you how to do this one more time!"
- MrT0
How do find Will Smith when he's lost in the snow?
You look for the fresh prints.
- hans_glib0
what's long and thin,
covered in skin,
red in parts,
and goes into tarts?
- georgesIII-2
bumpin this one too
---A Mexican once told me he had magic powers and would disappear on the count of 3.
"Uno"
"Dos"
Poof! He was gone without a tres.
- bliznutty0
What do you call a psychic midget that has just escaped from prison?
a small medium at large
- Akagiyama0
Lady walks into an ice cream shop.
-May I have a chocolate ice cream cone?
-I'm sorry ma'am, but all we have right now is strawberry and vanilla
-Umm, well, do you have Rocky Road?
-Sorry, we don't. All we have is strawberry and vanilla.
-Well, how about mint chocolate chip?
-Ma'am....all we have is strawberry and vanilla!
-Hmm, but do you have...
-Ma'am. Do me a favor. Can you spell the 'STRAW' in strawberry?
-Uh, S..T..R..A..W..
-Now, can you spell the 'VAN' in vanilla?
-Uh, V..A..N..
-Now, can you spell the 'FUCK' in chocolate?-But, there's no 'FUCK' in chocolate!
- MrT0
A nun, a priest, an Irishman, a Scotsman, a rabbi
and a blonde walk into a bar.
The bartender looks at them and asks,
"Is this some kind of joke?"
- Miesfan0
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!'' The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.''
- hahabigtrick
- BWAHAHAAAAAAARamanisky2
- call an amber lamp!74LEO
- OhYeah0
Q: What's brown and sticky?
A: Anal sex
- CALLES0
So France Goes to a World Cup...
- MrT0
At the cemetery the other day, I saw these pallbearers carry a coffin around and around for three hours.
I thought "They've lost the plot."
- 20
jesus that was terrible, cubanhaze.
- The_archer0
Hamish is sitting in the livingroom having a wank into a wellington boot,
his wife walks in, disgusted she shouts-
"HAMISH!, stop fuckin aboot."- hahaOhYeah
- very funnyharmsie
- looolbigtrick
- hahahahaah!iCanHazQBN
- bliznutty0
what does an agnostic, dyslexic, insomiac do?
stays up all night wondering if there is a Dog
- bigtrick0
A mathematician, a philosopher, and a blonde all go to Hell and receive a challenge from Satan: if they can stump him, they'll be set free, and be able to go to Heaven. The philosopher goes first and asks the Devil a very hard philosophy question, to which the Devil snaps his fingers, gets a laptop, goes online, and gives the answer. The mathematician tries as well, but the Devil instantly gets the answer by using his laptop. When it comes down to the blonde, she pulls up a chair, drills three holes in it, sits down and farts. "Now," she says, "Which hole did the fart come out of?"
"That's easy," says Satan, "All three!"
"No!" The blonde replies, "It came out of my butthole!"