Joke of the Day
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- janne760
Why could the blind african man with half a leg not reach the table?
Because he's dead.
- mistermik0
A woman posts an ad in the news paper that looks like this... 'Looking for man with these qualifications; won't beat me up; or run away from me and is great in bed.'
She got lots of phone calls replying to her ad but met someone perfect at her door one day.
The man she met said, "Hi, I'm Bob. I have no arms so I won't beat you up and no legs so I won't run away."
So the lady says, "What makes you think you are great in bed?"
Bob replies, "I rang the door bell didn't I?"
- dijitaq0
A man walks into a bar and he approaches the barman and asks for a whiskey and coke.
"Take this apple."
"I don't want an apple. I want a JD and coke."
"Trust me, try the apple."
The man takes a bite, and exclaims "Christ! This tastes like Jack Daniels!"
"Yup. Turn it around."
"Wow!" He says after taking a bite from the other side of the apple, "This side tastes like coke!"
Before the man can ask the barman to explain the apple's mysteries, another patron walks in.
"Vodka and tonic please mate"
"Here's an apple."
"I don't want a fuckin' apple mate, I want a..."
"Trust me, try the man's apple. They're incredible!" Interrupts the first customer.
He takes the apple and begrudgingly takes a large bite and starts spluttering; "Bloody hell this tastes like neat vodka!"
Both the barman and the first customer yell "Turn it around!" in unison. The man obliges and exclaims "Wow! This tastes like tonic water. These apples are fantastic!"
A third man saunter's up to the bar; "Pint of IPA please mate".
"Hold on!" Says the second customer. "This guy has an apple in any flavour you want, it's incredible!"
"Any flavour?" Asks the third man.
"Any flavour you want sir." Say the barman.
"In that case, gimme an apple that tastes like pussy!"
"Um.. alright" says the barman as he hands him an apple.
The man takes a bite and immediately spits everything onto the bar.
"EEErrrughcchh!!! This apple tastes like shit!!"
"TURN IT AROUND!!"
- airey0
what's big, white and if it fell out of a tree could kill you?
a refrigerator.
- janne760
What's red and lies in all four corners of the room?
A baby that's been playing with a chainsaw.
- such0
What's the difference between Sarah Palin's mouth and her vagina?
Only some of the things that come out of her vagina are retarded.- Ouch!kgvs72
- Bravo!
rupedixon - Thats pretty fantastic.CygnusZero4
- janne760
What do you call a baby on a stick?
A Kebabie.
- timeless0
Why didn't the skeleton go to the movies?
- airey0
If a tree falls on a baby in the forest, and no one is around to hear it, is it still hilarious?
- airey0
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
As many as it takes to climb on top of them in order to reach the socket.
- bigtrickagain0
What's the difference between a truck full of babies and a truck full of cannonballs?
You can't unload the cannonballs with a pitchfork.
- BusterBoy0
A dyslexic man walks into a bra...
- JayCee0
Q. What did one tit say to the other?
A. I hope we get support soon or people will think we’re nuts.
- airey0
What's the difference between a Cadillac and a pile of dead babies?
I don't have a Cadillac in my garage.
- de4k0
*bump
- i_was0
A Dutch man was taking a flight on a commercial airliner. The airliner had 4 engines, which is quite normal. About an hour into the flight, a loud BOOM occurred.
The flight attendant came over the intercom and said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we have blown an engine, but there is no need to worry. We still have three engines, I repeat, we still have three engines."
Everyone stayed calm.
About another hour later, another boom.
The flight attendant comes over the intercom. "Ladies and gentlemen, we have blown another engine, but there is no need to worry! We still have two more engines to go!"
The people stayed calm.
An hour later, the same situation. Now only one engine remained.
Then, the Dutch man stood up and said outloud, "Man! Does that mean we get a partial refund for using less engines?"
- dijitaq0
how can you tell if the woman you're dating already have kids?
- -->dijitaq
- when taking off your shirt she yells "arms up!"dijitaq
- lolVectorMasked