Joke of the Day
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- eighteen0
Why can't Hellen Keller drive?
BECAUSE SHE'S DEAD!!!!!
- hahahabigtrickagain
- anne frank?wristtattoo
- same personiCanHasQBN
- chris_himself_21
How did the redneck find his sister in the woods?
- Projectile1
How did the mathematician cure his constipation?
He had to work it out with a pencil
O_O
- mydo0
Three fonts walk into a bar. The bartender says, "We don’t serve your type in here.
- chris_himself_20
Whats worse than ants in your pants?
- airey0
a catholic priest walks into the bar, sits down and orders a scotch.
a jewish rabbi (as opposed to the other sort) walks into the bar, sits next to the priest and orders a vodka soda.
a muslim cleric walks into the bar, sits down at the bar and asks for a light. the priest and the rabbi fish out lighters (the rabbi has a 'born to raise hell' zippo which has nothing to do with the joke but was interesting all the same), the priest has a 7-11 green plastic lighter.
they look at each other and laugh, then the rabbi who is the closest to the cleric lights the lighter. the cleric leans in with a cigarette and lights it. says thanks an goes to the pay phone in the corner.
the priest and the rabbi make small talk over the local favourite sports heroes and order a second round.
the cleric saunters out after finishing his call, saying thanks as he goes.
the priest and the rabbi finish their second drinks, make their farewells and leave.
the bartender grabs the glasses and cleans them.
- .airey
- you racial profilers out there expected something to happen didn't you.airey
- people looking for a punchline in the jokes thread sure didscarabin
- i'm a fan of wasting people's time with literally no payoff for their trouble. love it.airey
- a clubbed seal, a horses face, a bra...anything but a story about nothing labeled as a joke. :)Peter
- I LOVE THIS JOKE. I LOVE IT SO MUCHbigtrickagain
- you know, sarcasm isn't welcome around these parts.airey
- actually, it is. god bless.airey
- i wasn't sarcastic. i laughed so hard.
i'm serious.bigtrickagain - oh dear.airey
- maquito6
It was all fun and laughter until we figured out the stutterer wanted Ham.
- pablo_280
The lesbians next door asked me what I would like for my birthday. I was quite surprised when they gave me a Rolex. It was very nice of them, but I think they misunderstood me when I said "I wanna watch."
- user_00120
i have indeed marmaladed my dick in a girls arse
- BuddhaHat0
As a tribute to janne's joke from the previous page:
- but... all jokes on the previous page are janne'sbigtrickagain
- Well then either i forgot an 's', or i'm referring specifically to one of them :)BuddhaHat
- fooler20
What's a West Virginia Halloween tradition?
Pump Kin
- mikotondria30
Call those 'How's My Driving ?' numbers on the back of trucks and tell them it's just parked up, hasn't moved for ages.
- hektor9110
Un compadre visita a otro compadre en su rancho. El compadre al llegar se da cuenta que las condiciones de vida del su compare son muy malas, sus hijos comiendo tierra y sin ropa, la caza en muy mal estado. El compare le pregunta, "Compare se nota que la cosecha no anda bien?" y le contesta, "si compare una temporada muy baja" unos de los hijos se acerca y le pregunta a sus papa. Papa tengo mis testiculos muy inchados, y le dice el papa no te preocupes mijo, hechete agua y listo. El compare asombrado le comenta a su comapdre, compadre estoy impresionado que apesar de tanta probreza su hijo use palabras como testiculos... y le dice su compadre, "no compare lo que pasa es que si le digo que son huevos, se los comen"
- airey0
Nobody thought Mel Gibson could play a Scot but look at him now! Alcoholic and a racist!
- drgs0
A woman sends her programmer husband to the store:
- Buy a whole roll of salami, and if they have eggs, take a dozen.
Programmer at the store:
- I would like a roll of salami. Also, do you have eggs?
- Yes we do, sir.
- Then another 11 rolls of salami.
- Projectile0
What is a wok?
it's somefing you thwow at a wabbit!!!
- airey0
what's small, red, loud and gets progressively smaller over time?
- a baby combing it's head with a potato peeler.
- georgesIII0
A rich man living in Darwin decided that he wanted to throw a party. He invited all of his friends and neighbours including Colin, the local aboriginal in the neighborhood.
He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion. Everyone was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating prawns and flirting...
At the height of the party, the host said, “I've got a 15ft man-eating crocodile in my pool and I’ll give a million dollars to anyone who has the guts to jump in.”
The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash.. everyone turned around to see that Colin was in the pool fighting the croc. He was jabbing the croc in the eyes with his fingers, throwing punches at it's snout and biting it's tail as the crocodile snapped violently back.
There was water churning and splashing everywhere. Both Colin and the croc were raising hell...
Finally after a few minutes of intense struggling a calm came over the pool.. the thrashing stopped, the splashing water died down and the croc floated to the top of the pool... bobbing upside down like a dead goldfish. Exhausted and gasping for air Colin clambered out of the pool.
Everybody stood in silence, staring at him in disbelief.
The host said, “Well, Colin, I reckon I owe you a million dollars.”“Nah, you all right boss, I don’t want it,” said Colin.
The rich man said, “Mate, I've gotta give you something. You won a hell of a bet. How about half a million bucks then?”
“Nah thanks. I don’t wannit,” answered Colin.
The host said, “Come on, Colin, I insist on giving you something. That was amazing. How about you take my new Porsche?
Again, Colin said “No.”
Confused, the rich man asked, “Well Colin, what do you want then?”
Colin said, “I just want to find the bastard who pushed me in.”