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- BabySnakes0
Has anyone here attempted to make a family tree via wordpress or a web tool that they can host and manage? I am a dev so i could hack anything to make what i need, just would like to save some time if i could.
- umm why wrap wordpress around something you have to write your own?mekk
- Red/Black treesection_014
- KONY2
Inside a marriage that is not working the way it’s supposed to.
Been almost five years married.
She has two kids of her own.
Perfect kids.
I’m pretty much their father.
Baby daddy a POS.
We are living with her parents to save money and get out of debt. (Whatever that’s bullshit, still struggling)
Refuses to, or doesn’t have desire to take her ex to court.
Zero child support from baby daddy.The big problem is she has been struggling with meth for many years.
she first tried it in college and has had a secret love affair with it for years.
it's always just relapses that last a week or two and sometimes a month!
There is always months and months in between relapses. The months of sobriety are always a time to regroup and a time for her to make leaps and bounds of progress. Then the relapse comes, and it's back to square one. This has been my life for the last four years. She is wired for a week doing God knows what around the fucking house, then crashing for another week and needing to be taken care of. Then guilt and depression for another two weeks. It's an insane cycle.The kids are now getting old enough to wonder WTF is going on, why is mommy sick all the time. She constantly has to call in and get her shifts covered at work (waitress), so some weeks she brings no income at all. I feel so bad for her and what she is going through, but damn it's just too much too bare now.
She will not go to meetings unless I go with her because she feels embarrassed..
She won't go see a counselor because she says, "I did see counselor!" (7 years ago) or things like, "Ok Help me find one" or there's, "you were supposed to help me find one." it's constant shift blaming.I have my issues that keep me in a state of "maybe I'm not doing enough."
I haven't done hard drugs in years 2010 to be exact. I go through periods of weed. I've let my license expire a few times and have not renewed it for months and even years.
Right now I haven't smoked weed since the summer and don't plan on picking it up anymore. I used to buy one $7 pre-roll of top shelf once a week. FFS that's nothing, but fine, I'm done.Drinking is really a non-issue for us unless we overdo it which can lead to other cravings.
We met in 2008 and were both using a lot substances like alcohol, weed, coke and e. But like I said we both got clean in 2010. It was a combination of getting rid of friends, some program support meetings, counseling and a strong spiritual awakening.
You see, my brother shot himself in the head after developing schizophrenia from years of using that shit. The shit is evil and disgusting, and I live with someone that it controls.
What should be done? So far I think these are the options.
1. She needs to go to rehab: OK so she is gone for a month? or two? then I am responsible for both kids to drive them everywhere while I have a 40 hr a week job? The in-laws help out? The kids then have to know their mother's dirty secret? The whole family has to find out and she loses her job, or maybe they let her come back who knows. This option sucks the big one, but fine I am ok with it.
2. I tell her I am going to "separate" for a while and she needs to seek help. I put up a boundary and express that I am not responsible for her recovery. I have my own problems to deal with and I am not going to be able to help her get better she has to want to get help and be responsible for her recovery. So I have a friend that has a condo where I can stay, he is traveling for months so it's a perfect fit. This will also mean everyone finds everything out.
3. We let this blow over, we focus on her health and recovery and making better choices and I make sure to establish some ground rules from on. Like if you do it again I'm separating or something like that.
So # 3 is what has been done over and over and over again. I don't think it's an option anymore.
This is killing me I am in constant stress. It's affecting my work, my ability to focus on my other businesses. I am not able to see family as much as I would like, because we always have to make sure she is going to be "feeling" ok. Endless Holidays, anniversaries, thanksgiving, birthdays and vacations while she is fucked up. I can't live like this anymore. I literally cannot drive at night or mountain roads anymore because I have anxiety attacks, I am working through these with meds, but I know if this stress wasn't in my life I would be fine. In a sense I am paralyzed by this relationship.
Lots more to know about the situation of course, but I just thought I would get some support from you all. I know some of you have gone through this kind of thing or similar. I'm at a loss here. I guess the last step of inaction is to post your woes on QBN.
Thanks
p.s. switched username to an old one. I'm sure it's not hard to find my identity, but just wanted a little privacy.
- forget #3. you already know that won't work. It's between other 2Gnash
- #1 is worth a try but from what you've outlined she's not ready for rehab.Gnash
- It's hard to pretend to have advice not actually having been in this situation. I say a combo of #1 and #3, where you ARE full-time parent for a long time.monospaced
- give yourself permission to go with route #2. You're not abandoning anyone. If she's going to get better it needs to happen from her, not youGnash
- Get out of the way and let her choose a pathGnash
- I do fear I am “abandoning” her. It’s very painful to think she may not make it and I “gave up on her”.KONY
- Stay and you enable her to continue. leaving may actually help herGnash
- Taking charge of the kids for as long as I need to is most likely the right thing to do.KONY
- number 2. no question. talk to someone to help process the guilt you'll feelGnash
- Talking charge of the kids will only enable her more. It may sound like the right thing to do, but i don;'t think it isGnash
- she's not taking responsibility for any part of her life because she doesn't need toGnash
- you need to step away and let her choose the pathGnash
- the right decisions aren't the easy ones.Gnash
- what was the first thing that let you to believe there might be a problem?//IRNlun6
- seriously though, you sound like a kind person that's destroying their own life to help others that don't have the same desire to be helped.IRNlun6
- There's no reason that KONY doesn't deserve the best life he can make possible for himself.IRNlun6
- It's a real shame those kids are in that position. One of the best decisions you can make is show them that this behavior is intolerable.IRNlun6
- KONY2020!!!pango
- I can't offer any choice, but I was with a girl with a severe coke habit for about 5 years and she was a fucking nightmare. No amount of help I provided workedgarbage
- I finally realized that you can't help somebody that doesn't want to help themselves. She's now living in LA chasing rich old men, is a raging alcoholic..garbage
- ..and I still get drunk dials from her on the regular. It's been a decade since I've seen her, and I think I made the right decision.garbage
- I'd say that keeping the "dirty secret" a secret is probably only enabling her, and it might be time for some hard truths. Best of luck with this.garbage
- Are the inlaws equiped to take care of the kids 24/7? If you're considering separation and she isn't responsible enough to care for her kids...i_monk
- The best thing for her might not be the best thing for you, or your marriage, or the kids.i_monk
- Rip the band aid off.cannonball1978
- All of those words and none of them are about how much you love this person. Think about that.Gucci
- It sounds as if you've been done with this for a long time and are looking for permission to leave.Gucci
- I'm also getting that your root concern is about the perception of others with little to no concern for yourself, which is bullshit.Gucci
- Based on what I'm reading, I think I know what you need, and it sounds like you do too. It's ok to put yourself first.Gucci
- I'm sorry you're going through this. You sound like an emotionally intelligent dude. Take care of yourself and remember: you're allowed to be happy.Gucci
- I assume taking care of yourself first before you completely burn yourself out should be top priority. It's like putting your oxygen mask on first...sofas
- Makes sense to me that in the long run this would be the best course for you all and shouldn't be viewed as being cold or abandoning her...sofas
- Also dealing with this on your own sounds really hard. Might be a good idea to get her parents involved. Wishing you the bestsofas
- Can't really give advice without sounding like a smartass but when I was a kid my mom went trough several episodes of depression and still does.mekk
- I wish they had told me earlier and didn't try to hide it and play the good family to me and school etc. Maybe I wouldn't have blamed myself for it then.mekk
- had a bad marriage and I know the stress of debt. my ex was abusive and nastasicic and abused me. She say I was the one that hurt her. She was drunk I was sobermugwart
- saying this to give bg as I feel I know a percentage of what your going through.mugwart
- focus on your health and your kids health. Make sure you get the best quality you can get plus vitimens (this sounds hooky but it helps)mugwart
- Tell her your feelings. Tell her its hurting you and your family. Tell her you will do anything for her but she has to try and help herself. Even one stepmugwart
- Also tell her that she's crossing a line.mugwart
- debt and financal support drives people crazy and can collapse mentalities. Take this POS to court. Get even 50 £/$ a month. It will helpmugwart
- break cycles as well. Take up a hobby or even better self study/ night course. Give her a life she nver thought possible. Get her away from waitressingmugwart
- move to a differnt part of the country. Clean start.mugwart
- its brutal and raw and I left my ex and it fucked up my son. But if it is not working now it wont work 10 years unless both want itmugwart
- also kids are smart and teach them abouut depression (I call it sadness) and "habits". They will see the pattern and know what to do. BE honest at every stepmugwart
- sorry if this is preachymugwart
- Are there any help lines you can call and discuss the situation with? They might be more qualified in giving you advice and options as they deal with it more.Nutter
- Be a man. Support her, look after her, teach her the right path. Cultivate the marriage into a great marriage. Men don't give up on others.robthelad
- yeah "be a man" that always works :-|kingsteven
- be good to yourself dude, we'll never have control over our lives and others, it's all relative to your state of mind make sure and take time for yourself, andkingsteven
- make sure you have enough emotional perspective to rationalise such a decision...kingsteven
- # 2 = she sinks deeper, the kids taken away by social servicesdrgs
- ^ yeah thismugwart
- codependency definedimbecile
- sometimes we are bad for people, even when we're trying to be good to them. Staying allows her to deflect responsibility for her actions. #2 if not #4monNom
- yeah @steven that's all I said. Basically you have to help others before yourself, especially if you love them.robthelad
- Yeah fuck all that “real man” garbage thats drummed into our heads. Just another toehold for emotional blackmail.cannonball1978
- @rob being a man has very little to do with a volition to help others before yourself, and it seems kony may have exhausted such an approach to his detriment.kingsteven
- not saying that phrase doesn't have it's uses... like if your mates off his box and your trying to get him in a taxi at the end of a night.kingsteven
- I'm afraid you are now suffering and need therapy, you need to sort yourself out, bring in her family to help and choose #2. Be strong going to take time 2 recorobotron3k
- For you to recoverrobotron3k
- you are fucked , mate. start your life oversince1979
- You need to focus on:
1. You
2. Kids
No more damage brother. No more. Get the fuck out before the whole ship sinks.dibec - Horrible decision but to me #2, get your own head together before trying to help someone else's. Good luck mate.WhiteFace
- Hayzilla-3
This looks like the place people seem to wish QBN was like.
http://www.graphicdesignforum.co…- this always seemed closer. pretty sure there are / were some dual members
http://www.designers…Fax_Benson - I remember both of those. Who remembers yaxay.com ?set
- The design of yaxay forum inspired me to become a graphic designerset
- no! i don't wish that on qbn.renderedred
- We'd be banned in a day.pango
- what you want to find a blog post again?mugwart
- Dear god no, this is the kind of messageboard I avoid. QBN might be a collection of cunts, misfits, and rubes but at least it's funny with it.face_melter
- more work, but on a message boarddrgs
- "Please suggest me a good co working office space in Bangalore."sted
- http://www.designers…drgs
- looks like its full of stay at home moms doing crap design work for their kids bake salesmicrokorg
- Couldn't find COD thread...I'm out!dee-dubs
- this always seemed closer. pretty sure there are / were some dual members
- renderedred0
I have to go to a bank once a month to pay my rent. Otherwise I don't work with them for fifteen years now and that was one the best decisions I ever made in my life. Today I got stuck in there for almost an hour waiting in line.
I was watching people's faces, their body language and the whole psychology involved with money transactions and actually mostly debt, as you all may well know how banks work.It's a sad, very sad thing to observe...
- Yup. Banks are one of the major problems with this world...set
- Why do you have to go to a bank to pay rent?monospaced
- ^ some landlords are ludditesGnash
- yes, why? can't you do a transfer? i've got only one client who pays by check, and i hate the days i need to loose the time on thisOBBTKN
- i like it the old way :) and my landlord lives in another city so i just put the moneyz in his account. also, the cheapest way to do it.renderedred
- Certainly not the cheapest. Time is money.cannonball1978
- yeah fuck that an hour in a queue!microkorg
- surely sending a check in the mail is worth the costmonospaced
- Man, I haven't used a bank teller in years. I'll go to the bank sometimes, but it's the ATM.section_014
- @mono i have ONLY cash, no bank account and no cheques ;) so other than sending him cash via money order (expensive) i do this. usually it's not crowded...renderedred
- i choose weird hours to do this trying to avoid queues, no luck this time...renderedred
- ok then ... cash only ...monospaced
- Hayzilla0
Calling
FaxBenson
FaxBenson
FaxBenson
FaxBensonThanks for the QBN stickers dude!
That white/clear one might be nice on my macbook over the glowing logo.
- sted0
- Has this guy eaten all this animals?OBBTKN
- Oh yea we have to listen to the incessant guff about the fuuu-cking john lewis advert again soon don't weset
- I thought all that guff was done a couple of weeks back, as every cunt vied for press coverage with their bullshit xmas advertising overspend?detritus
- ...says the cunt whose best ever job was a John Lewis xmas ad :|detritus
- @set not at all. it's a professional event not some pr shit.sted
- No I just mean in general. Not talking about the event...set
- i_monk1
We get this US channel called Laff now, which is great for catching episodes of Roseanne and Night Court, but every other commercial is for some farmer-only dating app.
Absolutely bizarre. Is it that hard to find a date when you know everyone in town?
- night court!Gnash
- The lady and I binged on Roseanne and Night Court on Laff. Night Court got weird near the end. FarmersOnly only hits the sticks, so not sure why you're..garbage
- ..seeing them in Toronto, but enjoy the strangeness.garbage
- Saw a commercial in NYC for farmersonly.com a few years ago.bulletfactory
- It's an OTA channel, so NY State/Buffalo.i_monk
- kingsteven1
ResearchGate thinks I'm the author of a paper on Chinglish... Maybe I am? it sounds like something I would do... If I click this button I will feel obliged to stick it on the CV...
- ApeRobot0
Sad to see how positive things take time to be put in place, and how shit storm happen in a blink of an eye.
My life just turned upside down.
I hope that one day, i will look back at it, and tell myself, that it was a good thing.- shit storms often make way for goodSunSunSun_
- this, too, shall pass. Hang on to something strong.Gnash
- yes, try to be positive and go onOBBTKN
- scarabin_net0
is the plural of nazi "nazis"?
or is it still just "nazi"
- Noun. nazi (plural nazis).imbecile
- Hayoth would know.utopian
- Nazi = Nationalsocialism
Nazis = less educated peasants in Bavaria/Germany, this was transformed to the people who serve the NSDAP (Nazi party)sted - (So yes Nazis :)sted
- http://www.historyto…Gnash
- also fun fact before wwii it was a nickname for Ignaz :)sted
- Ignaz?Gnash
- Nazitesi_monk
- nazises. got it.scarabin
- nazinesssted
- nachosGnash
- scarabin0
what do you android users use to listen to mp3 on your phones? this thing doesn't seem to have a native app for playing music, just a ton of streaming apps in the app store
- also i want to use itunes playlists from my computerscarabin
- General consensus is that PowerAmp is among the best for sound quality. I used Pulsar, which was nice and light - then settled with BlackPlayer. All v. good.face_melter
- As for the iTunes thing, I think you'll need some paid software for that to work. I prefer albums/artists so just copied the folders over direct.face_melter
- Google playset
- cool, thanks!scarabin
- I imported my iTunes library to Google play. Worked perfectly..set
- ^OBBTKN
- i thought about that but i have like 600gb of music easyscarabin
- VLCsofas
- how does 600GB of music work with iTunes on the go? How much do you/did you pay for iCloud storage? Just interested.fadein11
- it's all on my music laptop i don't carry it all on my mobile, i just heard that google play requires you to upload your collection before you start usingscarabin_net
- the service, and it usually fucks up with large uploads. i also don't like the idea of paying google AND at&t (data for streaming) to listen to my own musicscarabin_net
- MrT2
Played badminton with MrsT this morning. She was serving, had a shuttle in her hand but I hit another one over to her.
"Oh no, I can't deal with two cocks."
...
- Gardener3
treated myself to this lovely beast this week
- nicefadein11
- Sup Pazuzugarbage
- I ordered it one night when I was a bit pissed , forgot I did it & was nicely surprised when it turned up at the door!Gardener
- cooldbloc
- beautifulmugwart
- Cor, lovely!Eighty
- Does anything happen if you play it backwards?mugwart
- what is that face on the label ? I don't remember that from the filmGnash
- One of the best movie ever madeBennn
- thats great dudesureshot
- @gnahs - it was a subliminal 1 frame shot, you can just about see it in the filmfadein11
- http://mentalfloss.c…fadein11
- so not really subliminal if you can see it but you know what I mean.fadein11
- and I didn't spell your name wrong intentionally.fadein11
- the face = Pazuzu
http://villains.wiki…)Gardener - I think he meant the face on the bottom picfadein11
- Cheers, Fadein. that's cool. still a movie that scares the crap out of me.Gnash
- And me... Still struggle to watch bitsfadein11
- Call Satan while listening to it.i_was
- https://www.youtube.…Gardener
- notype0
Shorts at the office, do you wear them?
- OBBTKN1
I still remember the days when we fought with skins and punks in smoke filled bars, during endless concerts, while outside the spanish police was firing smoke pots and plastic bullets, streets and cars were burning...
This is not politically correct, but i don't care, i miss a lot those times.
- PonyBoy14
Weed ✓
Pink Floyd ✓
Supermoon ✓Anyone else gonna chill under God's Plane'arium tonight?
- wow why the downvote LOLnotype
- lol... who knows... moon haters!PonyBoy
- I love how Neil Degrasse (tho i like him) kiiiind of takes the fun out of us marveling a bit, on Twitternotype
- https://www.youtube.…notype
- kind of like when folks catch you staring at a sunset and tell you you're enjoying pollution? :)PonyBoy
- +1pinkfloyd
- Hanging out with pinky?pango
- yessureshot
- Buy some new music.i_was
- i_was is a hipsterGuyFawkes
- lol moonhaters!SunSunSun_
- mekk1
Moved back in my own place bc we broke up as written some weeks earlier. Currently getting back into sports, eat healthy, made a new good friend, went out a few times and got some cute girls phone # (but nothing happened yet =P)
Feels good man :-)
I'm free!
- OBBTKN0
I am going to put anti-slip tape for the handlebar and new winter tyres on my bike...
The only question is, will I ever go cycling with this bad weather? I used to love riding with rain or snow, but latelly i can not get time to exercise and this cold is not motivating my old bones ;)
- imbecile3
that google doodle though
- monospaced3
For some reason it never clicked this weekend that today was Monday, not last night as I was pulling the plug on the tree's lights and going to bed with a dead phone, or this morning when I rolled out of bed at 9:30 and proceeded to watch television while I let my very pregnant wife sleep in. Still hadn't realized it when she stormed into the living room upset that I let this happen. I missed a call and everything. Mondays.
- it was probably so relaxing before it became reality. hahaha. i can only image. Happy Monday!capn_ron
- It was! I just couldn't figure out why construction guys were up so early on a Sunday, or why a Partner was emailing on the weekend. LOL.monospaced
- haha, best to worst monday in seconds...OBBTKN
- ^ hahahamugwart
- lolBennn
- this is my worst nightmare.notype
- ps. congrats on the baby on the way :).. that's why you're missing your Mondaysnotype
- Haha. Thank goodness we work from home and could play it off like nothing big. I blame the Christmas tree for making me feel like I'm on holiday. Love you all.monospaced