Moving in with GF
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- smee
Sorry to bother you guys with this shit, but my girlfriend just said that if I didn't let her move in with me, she would leave me. And we've only been together for 14 months. And I still need my space. And I love her. WTF should I do? Is this the time that couples normally move in together?
Is she being a cunt? Or am I being a daft asshole? Or both? WTF?
- Nathan_Adams0
Why not actually talk to her about the reasons she feels the need to move in, and the reasons why you want to hold off on it?
- smee0
We did. She thinks it would be good financially, and although I agree, I think that frivolous spending is worth my mental health (I need my free space sometimes). But she doesn't seme to understand this concept of.... freedom.
- exador10
depends on a few things dude.
how old are the both of you.....that actually counts for a lot.i've found that when younger folks move in together, they don't often get married. they do the living together for awhile, but usually move on at some point.....often causing some heartbreak along the way.
atleast that's what i've noticed.every case is different though. some make it just fine.
in your case though?...i dunno dude....an ultimatum like that is a bit of red alert.
not. good.are there other ways of showing your commitment than moving in?
or is it the time in the relationship that you should be actually popping the question?...where you guys at in your relationship?
- smee0
But Google won't tell me the average time it takes couples to move in. Fucking Google and it's interwebz magician kraftwerk.
- zarkonite0
sounds like she's trying to use you. Any other clues in your relationship to that effect? does she try to keep you from hanging out with your mates too?
- She does often want me to hang out with her friends instead of mine. Is this a sign of something though?smee
- GET OUT NOWzarkonite
- But she is honest and faithful. She's a good person and everything. She's just wicked serious.
smee - Shit!!!!!! She's coming over soon!! WTF!!!smee
- Should I tie her up or something!?smee
- fucking Hitler was honest and faithful too.zarkonite
- Shit! I'm dating fucking Hitler!smee
- hahasea_sea
- BusterBoy0
Fuck that. If she uses this type of emotional blackmail before you're married, it'll get magnified ten fold when you are. You need to stay strong...if she loves you she'll come around. If she doesn't, then it's for the best in the long run.
- yeah, I hate to agree with you, you shouldn't move in with her because you feel threatenMiguex
- zarkonite0
She should want to SHARE her life with yours. Thinking you can tell your significant other what they can and cannot do with their lives is, in my experience, a cause for disaster sooner or later. Given what you just told me and the fact that I don't know anything about you or her, I'd seriously consider what this relationship is doing for you and to you. Personally, I don't need another boss when I get home.
- locustsloth0
Sounds like you are each looking for different levels of commitment. She wants to be an ever-present part of your life. You want her to be an accessory to your life, no matter how much you love her.
There's not much middle ground here. Maybe you can put her off for a while. Maybe say the 18 month or 24 month mark of your relationship. Give her a date when she can move in. Treat it as if it is set i stone and act (falsely, if need be) like you are looking forward to it. This will show her that you are commited to the relationship, just not hot on the idea of co-habitation.
If this fails, there may need to be some other sort of sacrifice to prove your level of commitment. Because that's probably what she is looking for as much as a financial benefit.
But what ultimately needs to be answered is if she is such a hazard to your mental health if she moves in, how much do you actually love her? Is it actual love, or is she the proverbial bird in the hand?
- scarabin0
have you considered the benefits?
such as:
• sex on demand
• she'll clean your shit
• she'll cook you shit
• sex on demand- oh scarabin, you just fell for that control freak. She won't clean, she won't cook and she won't fuck.zarkonite
- she'll just dig her claws deeper. She's basically her moving her command control nearer to the front lines.zarkonite
- @zarkonite is totally right.smee
- hehe I might be wrong =) I certainly don't claim to understand a woman's mind.zarkonite
- Very few people do. Even CERN knows shit about it, they've wasted all their money on that Higgs boson shitl.smee
- smee0
^ I definitely love her, but you're right, we'er totally on différent levels of commitment. I would think (based on my age), that I'd be more committed than her too. I just feel like it's too soon, and I'm so confused about when I'll be ready. However, I honestly think that her motives are based around finances and the fact that my living situation is better than hers, rather than her wanting to settle down and have babies. I think that's why I'm so ambivalent. Because I do want to move in, just not now.
- locustsloth0
Or you could just throw it in the fire and see if it burns up.
Let her move in, but do other things apart from her to maintain your autonomy. If she tries to modify your behavior in ways that you don't appreciate, kindly tell her no thanks and be honest about the reasons. If you guys are a good match, you'll learn to accept one another's quirks and build bonds. If you aren't a match, you'll grow to loathe each other that much faster and it'll fizzle out. But better to spend a little time on something that's not meant to be. That way you can both move on and each find something better
- The only problem is she's the type of girl that'll piss alll over my stuff if I left her. I know it sounds bad, but it wouldn't be that bad if I was ready.smee
- that bad if I was ready to move in.smee
- If you already know she's that vindictive, you may want to envision other scenarios where she'd be pissed and ask yourself if you want to deal with that.locustsloth
- if you'd want to deal with that anyway.locustsloth
- alarm bells buddy!prophetone
- Aw, fuck!smee
- lolprophetone
- MrAbominable0
you answered your own question already: "And I still need my space."
That shit's not going to change until it does. Tell her that she needs to learn to appreciate what she already has.
- prophetone0
it's simple pal. if you feel in your gut that you're not ready for it, do not do it. you will likely regret it and ultimately resenting her in the long run.
- Miguex0
You should ask yourself that, do you want to move in with her?
are you ready to do it?it's rough to be put on the spot like that man, you should do this if you are ready, not because she is manipulating you emotionally.
If you love her and you don't want to see her leave then you are fucked.
consider yourself lucky man, the only way I can live w/ my girl is if we get married.
- good point, moving in should be part of a discussion instead of an ultimatum.zarkonite
- locustsloth0
How many rooms is your place? Is there a bedroom for each of you? Could you approach it as getting a roomate rather than letting a gf move in?
If not, could you find a bigger place that would allow you each to have space, but be cheaper than both your current living spaces combined?i obviously know nothing of either of you, but my guess is that it's not JUST the financial thing for her.
- Or, what's the $ difference that she'd be paying if she moved in? Can you (& are you willing) to give that difference to her and have her keep her place?locustsloth
- have her keep her place? This should suffice her if it's merely a financial thinglocustsloth
- prophetone0
the financial thing is simply a convenient and neutral reason to give instead of the actual truth of the situation, which could be many things. for example, she's more concerned about your level of commitment.
- smee0
@Miguex "If you love her and you don't want to see her leave then you are fucked." Shite, then I'm fucked!
@locustsloth 1 bedroom 1 living room 1 bathroom. If she moves in, we're doomed to be a couple. My lease ends in about a year too. She's poorer than me, but I try to buy her shit when I can.
- try moving in to a place with 2 separate bedrooms and bathrooms life will be way easierali
- locustsloth0
Is the financial thing a matter of her having a place to live or not? Like, if she doesn't move in with you, she won't be able to afford a place to live?
If that's the case could you two afford, and would you be willing, to move in with her in a bigger place?
- mg330
- why is she wearing a duck on her head?locustsloth
- hahamg33
- it must be the "Fuck Duck". She puts it on to let him know she's open to copulationlocustsloth
- < lolsine
- hahaakrok
- lol locus, wtf. hilarious comment is hilarious.dMullins
- BH260
If you feel like being in jail for your good years go for it.