Mitch Hedberg
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- shinpo
I don't know how many of you like Mitch Hedberg, but here are some of his one liners for a quick giggle. Although, without him telling them, they really are not as funny.
I love blackjack. But I’m not addicted to gambling. I’m addicted to sitting in a semi circle.
I went to the store and bought eight apples; the clerk said, “Do you want these in a bag?” I said, “Oh, no, man, I juggle.”
I hate dreaming. Because when you sleep, you wanna sleep. Dreaming is work, you know - there I am in a comfortable bed, the next thing you know I have to build a go-kart with my ex-landlord. I want a dream of me watching myself sleep.
So, I sit at the hotel at night and I think of something that’s funny. Or, if the pen is too far away, I have to convince myself that what I thought of ain’t funny.
They say the recipe for Sprite is lemon and lime. I tried to make it at home. There’s more to it than that.
The Kit Kat candy bar has the name Kit Kat imprinted into the chocolate. That robs you of chocolate! That’s a clever chocolate-saving technique.
If you find yourself lost in the woods, build a house. “Well, I was lost, but now I live here!”
My roommate says, “I’m going to take a shower and shave, does anyone need to use the bathroom?” It’s like some weird quiz where he reveals the answer first.
I wrote my friend a letter with a highlighting pen, but he could not read it, he thought I was trying to show him certain parts of a piece of paper.
I got my hair highlighted, because I felt some strands were more important than others.
I remixed a remix, it was back to normal.
- utopian0
Who is Mitch?
- designbot0
come on man, did you check the filter? :0
Sorry to timeline you twice in a row...
- JerseyRaindog0
Mitch was class.
- spendogg0
RIP Buddy
- fooler20
I used to like Mitch, I still do but I used to like him to.
- jerseyred0
I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.
- elahon0
Every McDonald's commercial ends the same way, right? McDonald's commercials end like this: "Prices and participation may vary." I want to open a McDonald's and not participate in anything. I want to be a stubborn McDonald's owner. I'll say "Cheeseburgers? Nope. We got spaghetti! And blankets. But we are not affiliated with that clown."
- epic_rim0
no need to bring paper and ink into this thing
- baseline_shift0
loved him. rip
- ninjasavant0
Got to see him twice, sad day when he died.
- forcetwelve0
fav comedian ever.
- lvl_130
this guy morilla?
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm00854…lewis black.
- ********0
no, a younger guy. I think from Boston and pretty raw/rude. There was a thread on him here some time ago and is pretty hilarious. A mix between hicks and carlin but more edgy.
- bliznutty0
I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.
- ********0
Doug Stanhope
- bliznutty0
Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus or just a really cool opotamous?