janne at the bakery
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- 41 Responses
- janne76
janne: hi baker, can you bake me a nice bread?
baker: sure, what kind of bread do you want?
janne: well, a big nice bread that will impress my guests today. put everything you have in it.
baker: no problem. it will cost you 18 euro's.
janne: well, i don't have that sort of budget. but you are a baker, be creative and make it so it is impressive but costs me no more than 5 euro's.
baker: *sigh
janne: what? be happy you get work in times like these.
baker: but it's a lot of work.
janne: i understand. but you know what? print you name on it in edible ink and everyone will see it and order more bread at your nice little bakery.
baker: well...
janne: think of all the exposure! it will make you a real star! and make it a big tasty bread.. it will only bring you more business..
baker: i am not sure.. what if you don't like it and i need to revise the ingredients?
janne: good point. well, bake me a sample than and i will try and if it is good i may order you to bake this bread for me.(please feel free to continue this story in the comments..)
- ********0
— after bread is done
janne: can you change this and this into that and that?
Baker: yes
janne: and I want an other form of the bread.
Baker: fuck off
- locustsloth0
janne: About that loaf of bread that i approved and you sent over?
Baker: Yes?
janne: well, we only really need half of it. So can you cut it in half and only charge us half as well? Great, thanks. Bye.
Baker: But....
- BrandNewly0
janne: and give me three different options to choose from
baker: uhh...
janne: and i had some sushi the other night at a friends house and it was good. put some of that in the bread, too.
baker: ...
janne: ooooh, and bubble gum! i like bubble gum. put some of that in the bread, too!
baker: i don't think that's going to taste very good.
janne: well do it so i can see.
baker: this is what i do. can't you just take my word for it?
- iCanHazQBN0
ricardo: How much will 15 euro get me?
janne: All day, sir.
- Shaney0
janne: can you make your logo bigger, it looks small
baker: it needs breadspace to breathe
janne: make it BIGGER
baker: no, not doing it now- lol @ breadspacejanne76
- I love breadspaceacrossthesea
- you called the bread logo :Peficks
- acrossthesea0
janne: My neighbor's uncle's step son is a baker as well. He'd like to try and spice up some of your creations. Can you please provide all of your source ingredients and instructions so he can modify? Then we'll send it back and you can add these changes to your bread. Of course, this is urgent and needs to be done immediately.
baker: This is a secret family recipe that I just can't hand over. I went to school and read lots of books to learn all these techniques...
janne: Well I'm going to pay you for the bread as we originally discussed, I just want to know the exact steps it took to create it.
baker:...
- RustyStew0
baker: Hey there, if your not too busy with other things, I have compiled some ingredients that I'd like you to try as a cheap replacement of flour and still have the bread rise and be fluffy. Unfortunately, we only have a budget of 5 euros for the entire project so don't spend more than 3 hours on it. Do you think you can do that?
apprentice: Sure thing boss, but looking at these ingredients I can tell you right now that we are going about this all wrong. If we really want to test our ingredients accurately we would need a controlled temperature environment, need some moisture control installed as well.
baker: We can't do that for this project. I only want you to spend 3 hours on it, and we don't need that level of precision anyway.
(3 hours passes)
baker: Hows it been going? What have you found out?
apprentice: Well, the ground cashews is the only one I've tried so far.
baker: What? Why the hell is that?
apprentice: Well as I began to work with it I realized that the proportion of ground cashews wouldn't necessarily work if used at the same ration as flour and in order to rule out that possibility I have in fact done 100 different versions of the bread with the only variable being the ground cashews.
baker: And what percentage worked the best?
apprentice: None, none of them made it rise and be fluffy.
baker:...jackass.- haha yes the apprentice.. we knead(oh glorious pun!) that!janne76
- acrossthesea0
janne: Oh and I forgot to add, there will be LOTS of future bread orders in the future so I'd appreciate a hefty initial discount as a token of gratitude...
- janne760
janne: *calls / *emails / *faxes
baker: *stabs himself with bread knife
- janne760
janne: can you fax me a sample of the bread you have so far?
- BrandNewly0
baker: do you have the files for the logo that you would like me to put on it?
janne: yes. i will email them to you. *sends 72dpi .jpg
baker: can you send me the original .ai file?
janne: i can't change a .jpg to .ai on my computer.
baker: *goes to bar to get drunk.
- janne760
janne: we all love the bread but my nephews new girlfriend doesn't like the shade of the flour so much, can you replace it?
- identity0
Janne: You know, I have an oven at home and just purchased some dough. I know bread isn't that hard to make and I WOULD do it myself if I wasn't busy preparing the rest of this party. Now, please, do all that I ask. Like I said, it really isnt that hard, you mix this with that, stick it in the oven and outcomes a loaf of bread. What's so difficult about this? In fact, now that I think about it, Im really only to give you four pounds for such a menial task.
- janne760
baker: we can't do any more work on this for this budget..
janne: keep working hard an i may pay you 50 cents more!
baker: but we knead the dough!
janne: good, man, keep on kneading!
- chossy0
Why did the baker have brown hands?. because he was kneeding a shite.
- sureshot0
janne ik wil een wit puntje!
- acrossthesea0
janne: (picking up ordered bread from the baker) My gluten-challenged friend won't have a problem with this right?
baker: *smacks forehead*
- erikjonsson0
you forgot.
janne: oh my wife is actually a hobby baker and she thought you should use raisins instead of almonds
- gentleman0
janne: oh turns out we had some bread guidelines i wasn't aware of. do you mind rebaking the bread to comform to these
baker: but that uses a completely different type of flour we don't stock here.. can you supply it to us?
janne: what am i a supermarket? get baking.
- ukit0
baker: ok, now that i see that bling necklace you are pimping along with diamond studded belt, i am going to charge 30 euros instead of 18.
janne: don't be fooled by the rocks that I got, I'm still janne from the block.- lol, terribleRustyStew
- LOLacrossthesea
- I don't remember when I last loled at the screen like that..raf
- hahacuke426
- fucking amazing ukit!dorf