Friday lols
- Started
- Last post
- 11 Responses
- toe_knee
More from the genius at http://www.27bslash6.com
From: Jeff Peters
Date: Wednesday 8 April 2009 9.17am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Membership RenewalDear David
This is a friendly reminder to let you know your gym membership expired
last week. Your membership is important to us and we would like to take
this opportunity to show our appreciation by offering you a 20% discount
on your membership renewal. We look forward to seeing you again soon.All the best, Jeff Peters
From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 8 April 2009 1.37pm
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Membership RenewalDear Jeff,
Thankyou for your friendly reminder and the kind offer to reduce my
membership by twenty percent. I own a calculator but I could not work
out how to do percentages on it so have estimated that I save around
$372.10 off the normal price of $420.00 - Please confirm that this is
correct and I will renew my membership immediately. Also, do I get a
Fitness First sports bag with towel and drinking bottle included in the
price? I own my own legwarmers and headband.Regards, David.
From: Jeff Peters
Date: Thursday 9 April 2009 10.01am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Membership Renewal DueHello David
How did you come to that amount? Our half year membership fees are
actually $460 but with the 20% discount as an existing member your
renewing membership fee would be only $368 for the six months saving you
almost $100 off the normal price. We are not Fitness First so do not
have those bags.Cheers, Jeff
From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 9 April 2009 10.18am
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal DueDear Jeff
Do I get free shipping with that?
Regards, David.
From: Jeff Peters
Date: Thursday 9 April 2009 12.48pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal DueFree shipping with what? The $368 covers your membership fees for six
months.From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 9 April 2009 2.26pm
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal DueDear Jeff
By the power of Greyskull that is a lot of money but I admit to being in
desperate need of increasing my body strength. My ten year old child
often turns the taps off in the bathroom very tightly and I have to go
several days without washing. I feel bad constantly having to ask the
lady from next door to come over and loosen them for me, what with her
arthritis and limited wheelchair access to my apartment. To be honest, I
originally joined your gym with full intentions of attending every few
days but after waiting in vain for someone to offer me steroids, I began
to suspect this was not going to happen and the realisation that I may
have to exercise instead was, quite frankly, horrifying. My aversion to
work, along with the fact one of your employees, Justin, was rather
rude, telling me to 'lift this', ''push that' dulled my initial
enthusiasm of becoming muscular and I stopped attending.Regards, David.
From: Jeff Peters
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 9.17am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal DueHello David
Not sure how to take your email, nobody here would offer you steroids,
it is illegal and none of our staff would do this. Justin is one of our
most experienced trainers and if you found him rude while he was trying
to be helpful and just doing his job then there are plenty of other gyms
you could look at joining instead.Cheers, Jeff
From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 10.02am
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal DueDear Jeff
Yes, I have noticed that there are many gyms in my area. I assume the
low qualification requirements of fitness trainers means that there is
an over supply of these buffed but essentially otherwise purposeless
professionals.
I knew a guy in high school who couldn't talk very well and collected
sticks, he used to call the teacher 'mum' and during recess we would
give him money to dance. Then sell him sticks to get our money back. He
went on to become a fitness instructor so I view gyms as kind of like
those factories that provide a community service by employing people to
lick stamps and pack boxes. Except with more Spandex obviously.Regards, David.
From: Jeff Peters
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 10.32am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal DueGo f*#k yourself.
From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 11.38am
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal DueDear Jeff
I was, at first, quite surprised at your response; one minute you are
inviting me to renew my membership and asking me for money, the next
insulting me. After doing a little research however, I have learnt that
mood swings are an expected side effect of steroid abuse. As another
side effect is a reduction in the size of your p#$%, this gives you
understandable cause to be an angry person. I have also learnt that
Spandex contains carcinogenic properties so this does not bode well for
yourself and your shiny friends.
If I woke up one morning and my p#$% was a quarter of the size I would
probably take my anger out on those around me as well. There are
probably support groups or websites that could help you manage your
problem more effectively and picture based books available on the
subject for people with limited reading skills. When I am angry I like
to Listen to music by Linkin Park. The added angst and desire to cut
myself works similarly to the way firefighters fight forest fires by
burning off sections, effectively canceling each other out and I find
myself at peace. I understand that you guys usually listen to Pet Shop
Boys or Frankie Goes to Hollywood so this may be worth a try.Regards, David.
From: Jeff Peters
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 1.04pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal DueDO NOT EMAIL ME AGAIN
From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 1.15pm
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal
DueOk.
From: Jeff Peters
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 1.25pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership
Renewal DueIs that you being a smartarse or agreeing not to email me again?
From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 1.32pm
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership
Renewal DueThe middle one.
- toe_knee0
sorry. I dont come here as much any more. My bad :)
- airey0
worth a read:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/…
- BuddhaHat0
It was a sunny Saturday morning on the course and he was
beginning his pre-shot routine, visualizing his upcoming
shot, when a voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker:"Would the gentleman on the woman's tee please back up to
the men's tee!!"Our man was still deep in his routine, seemingly impervious
to the interruption. Again the announcement:"Would the MAN on the WOMEN'S tee kindly back up to the
men's tee."Our golfer simply ignored the guy and kept concentrating,
when once more the man yelled:"Would the man on the woman's tee back up to the men's tee,
PLEASE!"Finally our focused golfer stopped. He turned, looked
through the clubhouse window directly at the person with
the mike and shouted back, "Would the person in the club-
house kindly shut the hell up and let me play my second
stroke?"
- JOSF0
Girls that have said no #8
Around the time I was twelve, my sister had really hot friends staying over. I would dress in ninja gear and wriggle 'saving private ryan beach commando style' into her bedroom and listen to their conversations. Some were educational, most were inane. A few months ago, I was standing in a cd store and a girl came up to me and said "Are you David?" to which I replied "It depends" (and immediately regretted as I knew that if she asked me 'depends on what', I had nothing). The fear must have shown because she asked "Depends on what?" and I replied like a retard "On wether it is on or off the record, I have been misquoted by you people before." and she looked at me as if I was a retard before telling me that she had been a friend of my sisters and remembered me and then actually asked "Are you still annoying?" so I asked her if she still "squeezed her nipples while thinking about kissing Michael Wilson". After a pretty long pause I asked her out but she said no.
- Horp0
Hi Tim, Just to start off and say everybody my end really loves the general approach, which is great. We think this is going to be amazing. Just one comment ... based on the rough, the only concern is that it looks a bit young and a bit too fantasy. It may be that when its finished with more adult arms this will be dealt with. Would you be able to address this?
-
Sure, I can make the arms a bit more adult/adolescent and I can tone down the fantasy aspect of the finishing.-
Also we were thinking maybe we could have a couple embracing, rather than just the arms holding hands, it would make it clear that it was adult/more passionate. Or maybe the colours can be changed to make it feel more adult?"-
Oh okay, so... are you saying that the colours aren't quite right? Its not a problem to change them but personally I think the colour palette is right for this. As for the two hands element I can change it for a couple embracing but that's obviously a totally different image so I'd need to know for sure now before I start illustrating one or the other... could you confirm which you want?-
I meant to say as well, we're not sure the leaves are the best framing element - though we don't have an alternative suggestion in mind.-
Okay... so the general style of presentation is wrong, the colouration is wrong, the 'holding hands' element is wrong and the leaves element is wrong. That's quite a lot of stuff wrong now. Can I just check that you are happy with the typography and the cityscape...-
We think the typography could be more interesting-
Oh right. So its just the cityscape that's okay then?-
Sorry this all sounds so negative...I really do think it'll be wonderful-
Yes, it will be wonderful, especially with that cityscape and all.-
To be honest, at the moment the cityscape is a little too busy and not quite magical enough, but I'm sure that can be resolved.-
But that means that nothing is right at all now except the actual format!-
With regard to the format, there has been a format change.This is the edited highlights of an email exchange between me and a book publisher last year.
- fodcj0
Man picks up a Chinese girl at a discoand takes her home to his place.
She says "Me so horny, me do anythin for you!"
He says "How about a 69?"
She says "You fuck off, me no cookin Duck wiv Noodles in Black Bean Sauce at this time of night!"
- JOSF0
- version30
hadn't read this one...
BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*ck up.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something
- mg330
Omg!!!! Let me tell you something, I don't normally lay in bed at 7am and laugh my ass off, but that first email is funny as shit!!!!
