Joke of the Day
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- MrT0
What's the fastest thing on land?
Stevie Wonder's speed boat.
- WhiteFace0
What's the worst thing about being bitten by a poisonous spider?
Being Australian.
- The_archer0
Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names.
But one day I turned to my bullies and said 'Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me', and it worked!From there on it was sticks and stones all the way.
- identity0
Hope & Change
Kinda funny now... Right?
- bigtrickagain0
A cop is patrolling near midnight in a well-known spot. He sees a couple in a car, with the interior light brightly glowing. The cop carefully approaches the car to get a closer look. Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine. He immediately notices a buxom young woman in the rear seat, knitting. Puzzled by this surprising situation, the cop walks to the car and gently raps on the driver’s window.
The young man lowers his window “Uh, yes, officer?”
“What are you doing?”
“Well, isn’t it obvious? I’m reading a magazine, sir “
Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat the cop says: “And her, what is she doing?”
The young man shrugs: “Sir, I believe she’s knitting a pullover sweater.”
Now, the cop is totally confused. A young couple. Alone, in a car, at night in a lovers’ lane. And nothing obscene is happening! “What’s your age, young man?”
“I’m 25, sir.”
“And her ... what’s her age?”
The young man looks at his watch and replies:
“She’ll be 18 in 11 minutes.”
- Mal0
what's brown and sticky?
A stick
- The_archer0
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.
I think I've forgotten this before
- mistermik0
Q. What's Mary short for?
A. She's got no legs.
- GeorgesII0
A flight crew is landing at an unfamiliar airport.
The control tower gives them a runway assignment, and they start their approach.
The pilot says, "Does that runway look kind of short to you?"
The co-pilot says, "It sure does."
"I thought it was supposed to be longer than that"
"Me too"
"Better set full flaps."
"Full flaps set."
"I want thrust reversers the minute we touch."
"Standing by on the thrust reversers."
"And full power once thrust reversers are set."
"Roger that."
"I'm gonna try to catch the very end of the runway, and stand on the brakes. Stand by to reverse thrust."
"Roger that."They touch down, blast the thrust reversers, stomp the brakes, and just manage to get the plane stopped before it runs off into the grass.
The pilot says, "Damn, that was a short runway."
The co-pilot says, "Yeah, but look how wide it is."
- Mal0
Guy walks into a Doctors office with a frog on his head. The Docotr asks 'How can I help you'?
The frog replies 'Can you get this guy off my arse'?- lol - heard that many years ago with a duck. still good.invisiblechamber
- GeorgesII0
What did the English chav say when he won a game of chess?
- dbloc0
A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke? ""In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, ""Before you tell that joke, you should know something. ""Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2"", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fell a to your right is 6'5"" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke? ""The blind guy says, ""Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.
- The_archer0
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
- janne760
what is the difference between acne and a catholic priest?
Acne usually comes on a boys face after he turns 12