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After the revival had concluded, the three pastors were discussing the results with one another.
The Methodist minister said, "The revival worked out great for us! We gained four new families."
The Baptist preacher said, "We did better than that! We gained six new families."
The Presbyterian pastor said, "Well, we did even better than that! We got rid of our 10 biggest trouble makers!"
a christian had a shower and then a nap in new sheets.
A child came home from Sunday School and told his mother that he had learned a new song about a cross-eyed bear named Gladly. It took his mother a while before she realized that the hymn was really "Gladly The Cross I'd Bear,"
worst parody thread ever
*shoots self in face
One Sunday morning, little Bobby is playing with a toy firetruck on the grass and sidewalk not far from the front of a church. As he pushes it along, it suddenly gets stuck in the mud.
"Motherfucker!" screams Bobby. "You better get your ass out of the mud you piece of crap! I'm gonna destroy you piece of shit!"
Inside the church, the Pastor is in the middle of his sermon when he hears the dreadful profanity through the open side door. He ends the sermon and as the organ playing starts, the Pastor goes outside to see what's wrong and put a stop to the awfulness.
"Little boy, little boy," he says. "That's some awful language from a boy your age!"
"Well my fuckin' fire truck got it's wheels stuck in the mud and I can't get the damn thing out!," the boy says.
"Little boy, God doesn't look too well on language like that," the Pastor says. "Don't you know that God is all around you and hears everything you say?"
"He is?," says the boy.
"Oh yes, God is everywhere," says the Pastor.
"Is he over there by that tree?"
"Of course," says the Pastor.
"Is he in my room when I sleep at night?"
"Always," says the Pastor. "He's always around you."
"Is God over there by that playground?"
"Yes," says the pastor.
"Is God inside my firetruck?" asks the boy?
"Well sure, he's everywhere," says the Pastor.
"Well then tell him to get the fuck out and start pushing!"
"It won't be long now," said The Rabbi.
FCUK you Candy!
jesus was born of a virgin mother.
Mormons and Jehovah Witnesses...
Red Bull and Catholic priests...something that comes in little cans.
A kindergarten teacher was walking around her classroom while her students drew pictures. One little girl was scribbling so intently that the teacher asked what she was drawing. The little girl replied, “I’m drawing a picture of Jesus.” The teacher said, “Oh honey, nobody really knows for sure what Jesus looked like.” The little girl, without missing a beat, responded, “They will in a minute.”
Who was the greatest financial planner in the Bible?
Pharaoh’s Daughter, because she went down to the Bank of the Nile and pulled out a profit.
Jesus was facing his final moments on the cross at Golgotha.
He called out for Peter. Peter responded, 'yes Lord' and the Lord said. 'I can see your house from here.'
- 'Clean' not 'Zodiac Killer'monoboy
- T̷e̛͝d҉ C͘͠r͢u҉̷͠z̀͞ ҉̡͞i̡͡s͘͞ ̀t̶͜͢h̴e̵ ̕͝Z̕͘҉od͟í̡a̸̢͡c̸͞ ̨k̶i̸̡l͏l̷̵er̴͡imbecile
- ͢n҉i̷̛e҉ w͘͠o͢r҉̷͠k̀͞ ҉̡͞i̡҉m̀͞b̶͜͢e̴c̵͝i̕...sted
- He may as well admit to being the Zodiac Killer - that way he will at least be remembered for something.face_melter