Story time kids.....
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- kelpie0
that was just karmic pay back for being a complete psycho as a toddler. My mum remembers having to run out to the sandpit in our backgarden and haul a wee pal of mine of the sand where I had been trying to bury his (not severed) head.
A week later I hit the same pal on the same head with a Tonka Truck and pushed him down a really steep hill.
I had forgotten about that till he told me a few years ago
- vespa0
haha kelpie the psycho toddler!
- paraselene0
hehe, kidswift i was the same way. raised veggie by hippies in the mountains, you know the drill; carob instead of chocolate, never any soda or anything of the sort, which my gran thought was fine, but she definitely objected to what she saw as the destruction of my palate.
so when i was seven she took me to san francisco and forcefed me king crab, tiger prawns, oysters, seafood of all sorts. i ended up in hospital for a week with food poisoning and all i remember is my dad turning up in california, looming over the hospital bed and saying, "that'll teach you! it's your latent kosher gene asserting itself."
and i never touched shellfish again until i was twenty.
- chossy0
hey kelpie did you go to mrs parry as a dentist over in Oban she was a mess and made a dogs dinner out of my fathers teeth, also did you ever hear about the dentist in Oban who the afternoon after sealing up some cracks in my teeth went home and shot his wife in the leg with a fucking double barrelled shotgun..!!!!!
- kidswift-0
Most embarrassing and or parental worry inducing stunts i did as as kid under 10
1. Set a public gardens on fire in the height of a NZ summer total fire ban....this was accidental as I was actaully trying to scare tourists by catapulting fireworks at them with my slingshot and didn't quite get it far enough.
2. Me and friend pissed in a cup in his treehouse as we didnt want to get down.. as he climbed down he warned me ot to tip it over him...... I will never forget his mums face as she picked him up..
3. While doing my latest school project infront of an old bar heater the phone rings in the kitchen, mum gets up to answer it and says ks don't go putting those scissors (surgical steal) into the heater...seconds later a blue spark forms between the heater and the scissors in my hand... i swear i flew back about 2mtrs with a massive yelp... the worst thing was i couldn't cry or tell mum or i would of got into so much trouble. Very hard to do when your only six.
4. At the age of 8 three families got together to celebrate guy fawkes i get all the little kids to steal as many fireworks as possible i then pour out all the contents into a massive glad wrap tube and make our own firework.. we took it out onto the street thank fuck we had the sense to drop it into a manhole... fuckin explosion blew the lid off the manhole about 10 metres down the road.
- kelpie0
RAF use the area I grew up in to practise low altitude attack vectors and such in Hurricanes.
The island rises really steeply out of the sea so you have a very abrupt change from sea level to ground (residencial) level. They go hurtling up the gap between the mainland and the island at crazy speeds then loop round the bay our town is built in and scream off in the other direction.
Our house was right on the edge of the cliff thatdecends into the sea and back then the pilots used to use this topographic detail to cheekily practise skimming over land at scarily low altitudes. It was like you could reach up and touch them, at times you culd feel the air being displaced around you as they boomed overhead.
Again my mum remembers running out of the house into the back garden screaming cos I was out there reaching up to try to touch one as it headed straight for the house about 50 meters above us then banked off to the left and away.
It was an awsome sight, but my mother truly believed in that instant that it was going to mow straight through us and kill her son.
woot, 'mon the RAF!
- chossy0
I did the same thing kidswift with the bar heater but I stayed getting shocked until my bro came and saved me....... by punching me in the throat I don't know what was worse the mega-watts or the judo chop to my noise pipe.
- kidswift-0
Ha ha thats so good paraselene totally reminds me of when Mum and Dad went away for urghh i guess a dirty weekend now i come to think of it. But cool Aunty Niki came and looked after me and Theo, Fish and Chips for dinner, McDonalds as a snack, Milk shakes followed my chocolate fish... all i remember is her shitting herself as i am puking into a bucket with her screaming don't tell your mum don't tell your fucking mum...she was very cool!
And WTF is the deal with Carob don't try and fool us with your crumbly bittler tasting mud bars hippies gosh how stoopid did our parents think we where. Me and Theo never did quite take to our figs and natures appricots or natures candy as mum called them like the other kids tucked into there mars bars and bubble gum...
- kelpie0
no chossy, I went to the dentist in Tobermory, who was a complete brandy hound, hence my trouble :/
- kidswift-0
Ha ha chossy i almost wet myselft reading that. My bro Theo swallowed a sewing needle i stupidy hit him so hard on the back some sort of reflex i guess... the doc later told us that the hit on the back was what caused it to lodge in his throat.... I was soo nice to him for weeks after
- kidswift-0
Dam writing on NT is a full time job... pity the pay is pretty shit anyway best get back to the grind!
- ********0
Gosh. I was bought up total carniore. It was gutting rabbits with me uncle aged 5.
On special occasions we ate vegetarians.
- kelpie0
good fibre in a vegetarian
- ********0
One day, I'll even learn to wirtie Engrish.
- chossy0
I see.....tobermory is one of my fave drinks. I was over in Skye last Friday getting reeking for my mates wedding at armadale castle ruins it was great and we saw porpoises and whales aswell, awesome plus we had a braw ceildh and demanded more '20 minutes tunes' from the band.
- kelpie0
that reminds me, me and two pals dragged a dead porpoise into his garden one time, god knows why, we just poked it and stuff for a while and his dad eventually had to douse it in petrol and set fire to it to get rid of the thing. Fucking reeked so it did.
- vespa0
haha poor hippie kids. i had a friend who grew up in the states with a hardcore feminist mother and she wasn't allowed to play with dolls in case they warped her gender identity.
so she had this brick that she'd carry around with her wrapped up in a blanket. she slept with the brick and told it stories and everything.
one day she dropped Brick and he smashed to pieces waaaaaaaaaah! she still gets a twinge of sadness around rubble.
hey i wrote this guitar line last night and i swear it sounds like ChildHood! kind of optimistic but sad at the same time.
- chossy0
I was vegitarian for the frst 13 years of my life seen as I didn't like meat, I would fish and clean animals and all that but I didn't care for the flesh, nowadays I eat pretty much anything although some months I am veggie.
- kidswift-0
dammit it won't stream how very spooky though Vespa. Whats with us all at the moment, are we all harking back to days of velcro shoes, spokey dokeys, mop hair and saturday mornings with the muppets..
- ********0
I roasted the Goat's shoulder last weekend and I tell you all it was delicious. Better than Lamb even.