love?
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- relationshit
I 've been living with this girl for the past 5 years, we bought our own house 3 years ago.
I did date this girl when we were both much younger (17/18) for a couple of years. We split when I went to college. After 5 or 6 years apart I got back in touch with her after spending a lot of time thinking about her and mulling over the connection we had and the good times we had spent.At first it was amazing, and just to hold her hand was satiating enough. As the last few years have past my interest has wained, its a horrible feeling. I love this girl with all my heart, I am just starting to think we may not have what it takes. I'm just so bored with the monotony of it, and her. I am 30 this year and I think if I am going to jump this train then I should do it pretty soon... how much work should I be putting into 'us'? is the very fact that I'm thinking about this proof enough?
There is nothing that can prepare me for the void my life will become of if I do up anchor and move on. I know she loves me and would be equally mortified if we were to split, but I can't help thinking that it may be for the best in the long run.Is this just a regular crisis for a long relationship, a seven year itch so to speak?
the must be folk here who have been through similar stuff and come out the other end. I know the grass is always greener and a single life would allow me to focus on my work and be completely selfish for a time.... but this girl is such a positive influence on my day to day attitude, I just dont fancy her, like I used to... I don't.
I wish I did.
wtf am i doing?
- ********0
Didn't read the whole post. But hahahaha. nice name.
- paraselene0
that's well constructive, skt.
but, then again, i don't think i can be of much help either. tough decision. good luck.
- er0k0
well..I actually read it all (:P) and this is my opinion / experience that I have to lend you:
it sounds like you guys have a great history together all the way up to the right 'now' where you claim to still have love. just from hearing that, my friend, it is entirely worth fighting for. are you really considering giving up on the connection / experience / time put into eachother / the fights that you've learned from / all those other good times just because 'you don't fancy her like you used to' ?
For god sakes man, love is a gift!#@ Use that creative brain of yours (that we all have) and think of some NEW ways to add excitement then!!
If you remember nothing else from what I've said, remember this: You can make love last, but only if you want to. It takes time, it takes sacrifice - but in the end it is always worth it to give love with someone every chance..and if it still doesn't end up working out in the end - AT LEAST YOU CAN SAY YOU TRIED. But please my friend, don't quit something special that you have just because you don't 'fancy' her.
It's too fucking important.
- Terminal270
Hey,
Sounds like you are having a hard time. I have been with the same girl for 8 years and we have been married for two.
Life now is harder now than it was in college, .... working life.. babies... and a house that needs *tons* of work. Sometimes I think i feel the same .. but thats just life.
With another girl I think the same would eventually happen and thats where the true test is. Can you keep on making it fun and interesting with the smae person for the rest of your life.
The initial spark always goes eventually and even more so when you take on responsibility like house, mortgage etc...
Also I'm not convinced that doing it so you can have more time to work is a good idea?
Hope that helps
- er0k0
ps, I'm speaking from the perspective of someone who has both A) Had his heart broken and B) Broken someone else's heart..and I feel that gives me a good perspective on things. I've only had two relationships in my life..and while I regret that neither of them worked out in the end..I certainly am glad that I tried my damndest' to make them work.
And good luck bro, whatever decision you make..just try to be as sure and honest to yourself as you can - that it will be a decision you can look back on 10 years from now and be glad you made.
- er0k0
"With another girl I think the same would eventually happen and thats where the true test is. Can you keep on making it fun and interesting with the smae person for the rest of your life."
excellent point Terminal =)
- ********0
Sorry, just to make it clear, i wasn't laughing at you or your situation. Just your screen name.
- er0k0
you're sucha cold bastard skt, kicking the man when he's down :(
heh'
- phatlee0
1. tell her how you feel
2. discuss it with her, not us
3. see what the outcome is, she may feel the same?
4. tell us your real screen name...
- paraselene0
we know you weren't, skt.
where's vespa?
*looks at watch
alright. being the only female from this time zone in attendance, i'll throw in my two cents. i reckon you should take phatlee's advice and just tell her what's up.
we (girls) are far more understanding and (eek!) human than you lot generally give us credit for. chances are that if you're feeling the slump, she's feeling it too. if you broach the subject with her then you stand a better chance of either a) sorting it out or b) having the most pleasant split possible under the circumstances.
two heads are better than one, hey. and if she's worth seven odd years of your life thus far, then she's probably the best person to talk to about this.
good luck!
- relationshit0
thanks erok
that means a lot to me.and yeah Terminal27 I'm sure it would be the same 8 year sdown the line with someone else.
I haveto decide whether its worth it.I should be having this discussion with her but your opinions carry some weight too. Its hard to be objective about love.
- -scarabin-0
i was going through the same thing, and i solved it by having an amazing affair
- relationshit0
lol
is this true -scarabin- ?
- toe_knee0
Get into the kinky shit like role playing and anal.
- ********0
moth? is that you??
- ********0
moth? is that you??
Kuz
(Sep 21 05, 05:12)haha.
sorry moth if it is.
- paraselene0
i don't think it's moth. i crunched some numbers. doesn't add up. but if, for some reason, it IS moth, then please don't take my advice cos if she goes hellfire on you i don't want any of the blame. thank you. carry on.
- honest0
a friend of mine recently split with his fiance after 10+ years together. Do it soon rather than later. Love should not have to need work, it should be amicable, easy and happy. Sure you're gonna have ups and downs in any relationship, but if you're asking yourself the question on whether you truly love this girl or not, you need to decide pretty quick. If it's not the usual issue of commitment or if you've had a premonition of your future which you didn't like the look of. SO why do you love her and why don't you love her?
- ame3yst0
WE are REALLY in the SAME Situation!
Im on a 8 Year Relationship.
and just lately this past few months that I noticed that i am starting to be non affectionate, or lets just put it this way.
Not the same me as I used to be with her.
I dont know why. Maybe someday I will know why.
Hope the situation ends well for both of us, and for the rest who have the same situation.
- tkmeister0
what's love?
there's always better and hotter girls. love doesn't need any work? i think relationship needs lots of work. you should really think about what you gonna do.
take some time and go away alone. maybe that'll help.