Speeding Ticket
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- stem
While I was driving down the M25 the other day, (going a little faster than I should have been) I passed under a bridge only to see a traffic-cop on the other side with a radar gun laying in wait.
The cop pulled me over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronizing smirk, asked: "Runway too short?"
To which I replied, "I'm late for work."
To which he asked, "What do you do?"
"I'm a rectum-stretcher," I responded.
The traffic cop was surprised and confused. "A what? A rectum-stretcher?? And just what does a rectum-stretcher do?"
"Well," I said, "I start by inserting one finger into a rectum, then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in, work side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch the hole, until it's about 6 feet."
Then the cop asked questioningly and cautiously, "And just what do you do with a six-foot arsehole?"
To which I politely replied, "You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..."
Speeding ticket : £100.00
Court costs : £68.00
Look on traffic cop's face : PRICELESS... !! *
- Short0
hahaha :-)
- mevsthem0
no way lol thats funny
- Mattiadesign0
Ah! I wish I could have seen his face!
- kelpie0
no you never, you lying wee hingmy.
- bk_shankz0
I don't believe you but its a good story.
- MX_OnD0
aye right.
- stem0
*hold up hands
;)
- kelpie0
liar liar bums on fire
- stem0
liar liar bums on fire
kelpie
(Jul 1 05, 05:09)hair sticks up like electrik wire!
- gruntt0
i call bullshit.
funny joke though.
- blaw0
"if it ain't true, it oughta be."
~ myron cope
- paraselene0
this one's true:
when i was sixteen and growing up in rural hell, i used to rock a little beetle with no muffler. one day a copper pulled me over for doing 90 in a 55. he rolled up to the window and asked 'ya know haw fast yuuz goin', darhlin'?' and i, of course, was forced to reply, 'no, sir. my spedometer tops out at 80, so i'm not too sure.' well, he asked for liscense, registration and proof of insurance and, as he pored over my documents, got a funny look on his face. he leaned over and peered at me:
'ater, sez'ere.'
'yes, sir,' i replied. 'that's my name'
''ich unna them boys is yer daddy?'
[internal monologue: oh, fuck. which one to pick? my actual dad or one of his three, equally deviant, brothers? this is a no win situation and i'm definitely facing a ticket. reckless driving, too, as in the good ol' us of a anything that's more than 30mph over the limit is on beyond just plain speeding. i'm screwed.]
so, honesty being the best policy and all, i told the truth:
'my dad is gael, sir.'
copper grunts: 'mmf. ah seeee. the purty one.'
bad decision.
got my license revoked for that one, didn't i?!?!
- gruntt0
lol @ para
- JazX0
hahaha stem nice one
- stem0
Hehehe para!
'my dad is gael, sir.'
What a privilege it must have been to say this! - I'd have loved to have seen the look on his face.
- paraselene0
portland, oregon is an emo scenester rock chick, prone to bouts of mild depression but generally not as edgy as she'd like you to think.
- paraselene0
damn! wrong thread!
heh, yeah it was pretty funny. growing up in a place like that you can't escape the reputations of your family members.
- JazX0
I'm like what the hell does Portland, OR have to do with this sh*t, hahhaa lol
- determinedmoth0
growing up in a place like that you can't escape the reputations of your family members.
paraselene
(Jul 1 05, 06:00)You're hardly helping them over here....
ie. the car story....
- blaw0
you're originally from louisiana, right?
i can't imagine i'd have done too well with the law enforcement from that area either.
great story.