I Hate Bill Collectors
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- vburo0
well i pick up the phone and they are like:
"hello?"
"sir are you there, hello?"
"hello?"
"hello, excuse me, i will need 30 secs. to finish this.."
"well, that is ok sir, i'll wait"
*insert rumbling noise
*some glass shattering
*then some violent bangs
*bang *bang *bang
"THAT'LL LEARN YOU MOTHERFUCKING PIECE OF SHIT KITTEN TO FUCKING PEE ON MY PORCH YOU MISERABLE SHIT EXCUSE FOR A LIL KITTEN!!"
*bang
"EAT LEAD YOU NASTY CAT!!"
"..IN THE BASEMENT YOUR DESINTEGRATING CORPSE GOES, YOU WILL JOIN DOLLY, FELIX, WODAN AND SOME OTHERS HAHA!!"
*slams door
"well i am back, i apologize for the wait, there was a little kitten on the porch that i needed to handle.. so you were saying?"
"......."
hehe did not really happen but i'd like to do something like that with some speakers with sound fx and shit.. would totally creep the fucker out haha!
- vburo0
i was not talking about bill collectors though.. never had such thing on a phone..
but yes i was talking about those annoying telemarketeers..
- blaw0
i've been getting calls for my neighbor. i explained that i was not going to deliver the message, but they keep calling...
"hello, can i speak with firstname lastname, please?"
"i'm sorry you have the wrong number."
"well, do you know him?"
"we've been through this."
that pisses me off more than anything. they keep calling and pretending that a) he lives here and b) this is the first time they've called.
anyway, i was in a less than pleasant mood last friday when they called again, so i told them in no uncertain terms not to call back. ever.
the phrase 'no uncertain terms' was the one my wife used when she filed a complaint with the FCC after they called again this week.
*and i thought this was going to be a thread about hating bill collens.
- ********0
vburro, I have realized that works with the average telemarketer, bill collectors are another story - they have heard it all and are professional pricks.
Just like people that want to be cops, I have fear of people who want to do that particular job for a living - I mean what gets you off on that job? Really? I mean you need to be a complete and utter prick to do it. At least some cops might want to be helpful citizens and uphold the law or whatever while they are being pricks, but bill collectors are just scum and they all sound like characters out of 1984.
- ********0
I hate Bill Collens too. He's a complete prick.
- mattyd0
Bill Cowens was the man though.
- vburo0
too bad my joke didn't arrive that well.. geezz..
i dunno what bill collectors are.. well i know.. but not as in calling you.. must be something US..
oh well.. i really did my best on that joke.
i'll go cry for a bit now..
- gruntt0
if i have any luck at all, a telemarketer will call me at the same time that I have to fart.
- ********0
I love TM calls, you can always tell it's them calling, because it's just around dinner time .. sneaking fuckers
but this is just a normal call at my house..
tm: hello sir, do you have 5 minutes to answer some questions about our newspaper
me: sure, go ahead
this is where i give the portable phone to my 1 year boy (who just entered the age of button puching and funny noise making) and pick up the other phone to listen in on the fun
*beep, beeeeeeep, beep, beeeeeep, bep, beeeep, beeeep, beeeep, beep, beep, beeep, beeep
"ga ga ga ga gadi blah buh ga"
tm: hello?
"pffffttttttttuuhu, lala wihwih
*beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep
tm: are you alright sir!
*beeeeeeeeeeeep, beeeep
*the hangup button is finally hit
cracks me up everytime
- ********0
vburro - no no man - joke was good! no worries mate.
Bill collectors are the evil vile people who buy debts from other companies and then lay legal claim (plus their fees) to collecting said debt from your sorry hide.
There are a bunch of laws in the US to protect you from overzealous Bill Collectors, but they are the most evil people in my mind, calling you at every moment, calling your job, etc.
My advice: Never go into debt. Never use a credit card. Ever. If you finance a business use other people's money. Trust me the US is going to be in sorry ass shape in about a year and half when the housing market goes BOOM and this new bankruptcy bill in effect with lots of people just being generaly fucked.
- nLHb0
haha designerror, that's so cute!
- ********0
i do sometimes when my buddy calls, and i tell hi to wait a sec and hand voer the phone
and janne.. good fucking joke, i laughed out loud!
- jox0
I love you all! Awesome stories!
As for myself, I don't have any good ones, or don't remember any enough to quote. I don't have the heart to be mean to all these 17 year old telemarketers on their first job. And bill collecting doesnt work that way in EU (thank god?).
- ********0
this need a bump with D5ive's post in the NTB
- version30
Pay your bills
- vburo0
well sometimes people can't version3.
- version30
i posted then read vb, the stories are funny though, i agree with whoever said don't borrow money or use a credit card, that's how i avoided debt
- nosaj0
Collection Agency: "Sir we require you to pay your complete balance as of 5 o'clock today"
me "Can't do it, I'm a student with no money"
CA "Sir, do your parents own their own house?"
me "yes"
CA "Well sir, when I was younger I was in a similar situation and had to approach my father about re-morgaging his home to help me with my financial trouble. It was difficult for me but he was able to help me out."
me "that's a great idea"
CA "So you'll talk with him about helping you today"
me "Absolutely, can I have your dad's number?"