Brain dump
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- 28 Responses
- k0na_an0k
Downloading....
... once on a bet I ate a whole package of cookies on my way home from the supermarket where I just purchased them. I lived 2 blocks away. Won myself 20 bucks...
... I came here to chew bubble gum and kick ass, right now I’m all out of bubble gum...
... I once spent the night in jail with a guy named sean, I got pulled over and had an open case of beer in the back, he just stabbed a guy...
... I was watching this show on the discovery channel last night called snipers, the host was saying how right now at this moment a sniper could be anywhere and have you in his sights. For some unknown reason I had this uncontrollable urge so I crawled over to my balcony window and closed the blinds...
... I guess when I was like 2 or something my parents were having a party and I somehow managed to eat an entire ashtray of cigarette butts, which I later threw up...
... what’s a dickfer?!? It’s something you pee with...
... doctor. Doctor, doctor? Doctor. Doctor, doctor?!?.... Doctor.... Doctor? Doctor. Doctor, doctor...
... the first time I heard my dad swear I think I was like 7 or something. We were carrying this gigantic cooler of beer down a flight of stairs to the basement where he and some friends were watching tv and being half in the bag he dropped the cooler spilling ice everywhere. He said FUCK! Then for some fucked up reason he grounded me and sent me to my room. Wtf... you swore...
... the first time I swore around my parents I was maybe 6, I said to my sister, with them in the room ‘can someone please get this jerkoff away from me?!?’ not until watching wonderwoman years later would I know what jerkoff meant...
... my familiy will tell me sometimes that at age 4 at a Christmas party I burst into the room wearing my cop outfit complete with helmet, badge, holster and guns and pointed the guns at my uncle jeff and said in a deep menacing voice ‘daaaaaaaammmmn yoouuuuuu.’ And ran out. Wtf...
... maaaaaaxxxxx POWERS! It’s the name, you want to touch.... BUT YOU CANT!...
... *rubbing super slick compound on metal saucer, sits on saucer. ‘later dudes’ then chevy chase like a fucking missile goes screaming down the mountain of snow at about 200 miles an hour...
... shitters full...
... CANNON BALL IT! CANNON BALL IT!...
... rice a roni, the san fransico treat *ding ding...
... back in high school my friend chris cooper and I drank a fifth of jack daniels between us in less than an hour. I have no recollection of that entire weekend...
... it’s in the hole..... IT’S IN THE HOLE! Cinderella story...
... you’re delta kow tie name is.... Mothball. ‘why mothball’ *BURP’WHY NOT!?!’...
... once while doing the alligator I split open my chin on the floor. I still have a small scar underneath...
... when I was a kid I had the best dog ever. One day we were playing around in the house and I was throwing the ball around and she made a quick turn to grab it and darted into a floor lamp knocking it over which it then hit an endtable made of glass shattering the glass. We both stopped and looked at each other like ‘OH FUCK!’. It was at that moment in life I realized dogs know what the fuck is going on...
... once I came out of taco bell just filling up one of those huge cups with coke. I set it on top of my car so I could get out my keys. I forgot about it and drove for 3 blocks without it spilling. Finaly at a stoplight the guy next to me pointed at it. as I grabbed it and sat back in the car I spilled the dink in my lap on accident...
... I not only approve this message, I think that it is awesome...
... luke, I am your fathoooor...
... I made a list of all the things we’re gonna do today, first, we’ll make some snowmen, then we’ll eat a whole package of cookie dough as fast as we can, then we’ll hold hands, then we’ll snuggle...
... I’m freaking out maaaan...
... America.... Fuck yeah...
... omg.... My alphabits cereal is sending me a message, it’s saying ‘oooOOoooOOOoo’. You idiot peter your eating cheerios....
... *bender sleeping ‘kill all humans, must kill all humans’... *fry wakes him up for snoring.... *bender ‘oh fry, I just had a wonderful dream.................... you were in it.’...
... *homer throwing a party for marge inviting everyone from the town *marge, ‘homer, I can’t believe you invited EVERYONE From the town!?!’ *homer, ‘oh, I didn’t invite everyone... *laughing to himself. Image flashes to ned sitting on a train with a crudely hand drawn note in front of him that reads... ‘dude, meet me in montana. Xoxoxox. Jesus.’...
download complete...
- gruntt0
i read it all.
every word.
i need to rent animal house.
- rasko40
the best thing about that is, its not funny.
- spendogg0
I was hanging with a friend one day and our pal chase dropped by - he had just come from this girls house and he said he got so drunk the night before, he pissed her bed, got embarresed and left before she woke up. We had a good larf. then me and my buddy went down to the local grocery store where we proceeded to take all of the "bed wetting brochures" from the self help rack. it was drizzling that day and we wallpapered his car with the brochures. that was a fun day.
- usrper0
Cowgirl: Howdy, pardners! My name is sheriff...
Homer voiceover: Lisa Simpson!
Cowgirl: I sure am hungry for my favorite food...
Homer voiceover: McNuggets!
Lisa: I don't like McNuggets! I'm a vegetarian!
Homer: Still? Well then you're not gonna like your other present!
(A wrapped turkey)
(In the film a cowboy rides up)
Cowgirl: Why it's my best friend...
Homer voiceover: Maggie!
Lisa: Huh?
Bartender: Bad news sheriff...
Homer voiceover: Lisa Simpson!
Bartender: Some Indians took all the...
Homer voiceover: McNuggets! Mmmm McNuggets... haughughalughalugh!
Cowgirl: I'll get those no good Indians, just as sure as my favorite book is...
Homer voiceover: Magazines! Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...
Bart voiceover: Wake up, Dad!
Homer voiceover: Wha wha wha wha wha?
(Static fills the screen)
- -sputnik-0
going yachting is like standing clothed in a cold shower tearing up hundred-dollar bills
- k0na_an0k0
the best thing about that is, its not funny.
rasko4
(Feb 4 05, 08:57)
++++++++++++++++
if that's all you got out of it i weep for you. you missed the entire point.
- usrper0
*singing peter griffin's jewish version of "when you wish upon a star"
- -leah-0
kona that was great! :)
- rasko40
you're like the little kid at family BBQ's that sulks and starts pulling the heads off flowers when people evventually ignore his constant craving for attention.
- e_b_c0
...a few years back i had a tooth that was dieing. Worst pain ever. I had a shit job and no insurance. I tried to drink my self to sleep. It didn't work. The next day I went to work drunk . If i have a kid, i never want him to go through that...
...riding my bike alone through the city will always make me feel a bajillion times better...
...i wait for summer as if i were in the seventh grade...
- k0na_an0k0
contant craving for attention? isn't this a memory brain dump like the image brian dump of the randomize me thread?!?
get a sense of humor.
- rasko40
what not even a stabbing hobos joke?
- k0na_an0k0
... when i was 8 i was out riding my bike and almost hit by a car speeding by my house. my sister saw it and said there was an angel on my shoulder as the car passed...
... candygram...
... you mind if we dance wiff yo dates?...
- usrper0
dont worry guys! im a singing hobo not a stabbing hobo!
sings:"nothing beats the hobo life.... stabbing folks with the hobo knife....
- k0na_an0k0
... this morning when i woke up, still half asleep i mistakingly pissed in a bowl of corn flakes thinking it was the toilet. i now know who's cornflakes those were...
... this one time, at band camp, i stuck a flute in my p*ssy...
... *on donating sperm to a sperm bank for cash, 'oh well then i can't do it cause last night i had sex..... WITH A GIRL'...
- -leah-0
i just put a staple through my finger and now i can't type very well :(
- SteveJobs0
when a man confronts you on the street he is the enemy, an enemy deserves no mercy, what is the problem mr. lawrence?
- k0na_an0k0
... one summer i worked construction for my uncles rather large company. we installed service to new homes and business's for com ed. after a month or two as a shlep, they started to let me use the backhoe. nice. so one afternoon i'm diggin a hole and a guy i worked with was standing next to it *farts... who pulled my finger? anyways, this guy is standing next the the hole 'im digging leaning on his shovel kinda sleeping. he's got his eyes closed like he's resting while i'm working. fuck you i say so with the backhoe bucket i take an innocent swat at the shovel and broke it in two. he was irate. it probably wouldn't have been so bad if i hadn't broken the shovel cause then he had evidence. i just wanted to knock it out from under him. that was the last time they let me use heavy machinery...
- clerk0
I used to be with it, but then they changed what "it" was. Now, what
I'm with isn't it, and what's "it" seems weird and scary to me.