The Jackal
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- kingjulien
I have this friend who is exclusively into asian girls. It seems to be a Sacramento phenomenon--preppy blondehaired stoners with Asian trophy models. One time he was walking down Telegraph Ave. in Berkeley and saw a pack of 18 year olds. His head spun in excitement. He turned to me, rubbed his chin in full Socrates mode and declared, "I see these little freshmen asian girls and i get so crazy, so crazy. I am the Jackal, These girls might not notice me now, but i am always in the shadows lurking. The Jackal will one day conquer all."
A few months back I visited the Jackal's new pad. He brought me into his garage, put on a SARS mask, and began making kief on this new makeshift leaf grinding machine. Little red hairs dropped down into this screen, which he then scraped and put into a bowl. We went out back to blaze, and as we were admiring the stars and the giant palm tree which dominated his yard, the jackal suddenly declared that he wanted to put a web cam on the top of the tree, to document his new life. He rubbed his chin again while saying this. A giant rat then ran across one of the telephone wires on his fence. The jackal crouched low, went into exterminator bill murray from caddyshack mode, and ran to get his air soft rifle. He then fired off 10 rounds into the darkness, which all missed.
A few minutes later he revealed his plans to build a bomb shelter beneath his yard, in case the nuclear reactor in town ever got hit during an attack. He vowed all he needed was a case of water, his kief machine, and enough Asian girls to repopulate the world. I was reminded of Dr Strangelove, and for a moment imagined what the world must look like through the Jackal's eyes.
Later, I went home, and watched Nikki Zeiring in the tickle chair on Stern, a pbs documentary on dolphin sex, and the Johnny Dangerously scene where Michael Keaton gets called a "Fargin Icehole"
- jevad0
You and slice need to write a book together
brilliant
- mg330
That is brilliant. I don't know what else to say but thank you for that.
- canuck0
more, I tell you I need, more. that was quite entertaining. nice break from html.
- mrdobolina0
another winner king!
- sherman0
your going to make a kickass grandpa
- bulletfactory0
i was pleasently surprised to find this thread was infact NOT a reference to a horrible bruce willis movie.
awesome.
- Spix0
haha,,nice story.
- F_180
can we trade lives for a day?
or better, I'll just cruise up from San Diego one day so I can meet this guy personally ( and smoke his dope).
- robotron3k0
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obido…
incase the jackal needs some tips....
- zedvox0
Dr Strangelove is Da Bomb!!
- Gilt0010
uh... could we get a little expansion on the asian girl part?
- shant0
I think you meant "rad" Bruce Willis movie.
"Yeah, I thought I was gonna sprawl."
- Ekard0
that was awesome.
- mg330
The only good thing about the movie The Jackal is Jack Black.
- rasko40
hahaha..
I have a similar friend, well not a similar friend rather a friend with a similar.. lets call it an 'affliction'. So, anyway, I though it was an asian (actually more specifically Japanese) girl thing, cos he used to work in a famous vintage clothing store which (you guessed it) had lots of japanese girls on tap, I mean; on the counters. I would visit him some weekends and he would try to impress me by talking the most repugnant suggestive filth to these friendly little Nihons, they would laugh out of not quite catching his words and he would laugh back 'sincerely', even though he had just told me how he wanted to 'show her the real helicopter fuck cept that I'd actually have blades spinning above my head while I turned her ass into the sarlac pit' then he'd say something like "you like star wars huh?" and they would giggle. It would have been funny if the girls actually understood it but it felt a little wierd. I laughed anyway but then I'm a bit twisted.
Suddenly he's got a job working somewhere else, totally forgotten about Japanese girls, he's discovered some German chick who's 'fucking petite hot' as he described, he starts dating, well ok lets not be prude he was just fucking her and then he's like "oh man, oh fuck this is awesome, german girls are insane and check this out, they ALL love fucking anal man" and starts showering me with his new theory about "hey these chicks are almost raised for it, they're fucking primed man check it out; all through their youth at school, german girls are given medicine up their fucking ass man, sure they think its a bit embarrassing at first but they get right into it man I mean, when was the last time you saw a sick german girl man?!" (like as if I go hunting around hospitals checking the nationality of female patients) "shit man these girls are dope, the germans are still on some kinda master race shit dude, 'cept this time they've got it right, they're keeping it on the downlow but their breeding up this generation of hott fucking chicks that just fucking love cock up their ass man!" and he carries on about how he's already boned one of her friends and he has his eyes on another, he's even found out about some bar nearby that is totally frequented by "poop chuters man" as he so eloquently states..
I haven't seen him for a while, he got fed up of german girls, fed up of London and moved away, I heard he was living on the coast in a caraven and had got addicted to fruit machines cos he spent so long in the seaside arcades chasing 16year old holidaymakers and european exchange students, I guess he has an addictive personality, I dread to think what comes next, maybe sheep or fish.
- JazX0
Ahhh, 'Trophy Girls', God bless their hearts and their breasts.
- -leah-0
oh man, i love how women equal meat or tropheys etc etc... :|
cool story though
- JazX0
of course I was being a sarcastic clown as usual -leah-, hello....
- zedvox0
turn your lights down low.
- JazX0
what, what, thump, thump, what