mate / ex dilemma
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- alias
OK, bear with me on this one.
I split up with the only *proper* serious girlfriend (Rachel) I've ever had about 2 1/2 years ago and it took me a very long time to get over it. A few months after the split, I invited a mate from home (Harry) to come and live with me in London and he saw first hand how badly it had affected me. Anyway, I came home from a weekend away about 6 weeks ago and he comes up to me to say "Ben (my other flatmate) seems to think I have something to tell you. Rachel stayed over here on Saturday night and slept in my room with me. . ." He was acting like a guilty schoolkid, so I immediately asked if anything happened. He said no, they were all just drunk (?) and it seemed like a good idea at the time. I ask him if he has feelings for her, he says no, it they are just mates and it was a one off. I ask him again if anything happened and, again, he says no. OK. I'm not happy, but I try to be mature and shrug it off as one-off. In any case, these 2 are totally incompatible and I'd like to think that they both respect me enough not to take the piss. To be sure, I send him an email saying that I find the way he told me weird and aks him one more time if anything happened. A resounding no.
His sister is getting married tomorrow and on monday this week, he comes into my room and says "I've invited Rachel to come to the wedding with me and she said yes. Just thought I should tell you...". Now, I was was totally taken aback by this and it really didn't register. Me being the kind, unconfrontational guy (or pussy, whichever way you want to look at it) that I am, said "erm . . . cool, I suppose..." and that was it. I then slowly stew and go over this in my head overnight and by morning, I'm reading to rip his head off. WTF? He didn't even ask me if it was alright to ask her to the wedding. Now surely there is an unwritten rule regarding best mates and ex-girlfriends? To top it all off, this guy had a breakdown earlier this year and has put me through SO much shit, it's untrue. I've stood by him and helped him through this dark time and this is how he repays me. I finally confront him with my thoughts and he can't see why I'm upset. He says that the 2 families are friends (news to me) and that nothing will happen. I then hear from someone else that she likes him. WTF?? How can I believe him? How can I believe nothing happend that first night in MY flat in the room next to mine? How is it gonna make me feel knowing that he is spending all day with her tomorrow?
Well, if you've got this far, I suppose what I'm asking is
1) I do have a right to want to rip his head off, don't I?
2) What would you do / have done in this situation?I'm just trying to make sure that it's not me being unreasonable . . .
Thanks for reading
- unknown0
1) I do have a right to want to rip his head off, don't I?
i dont think you have the right. yes, hes your friend and shes your ex, but is their business. shes not your girlfriend anymore. maybe hes in love with her but hes afraid of telling you the truth, cause he doesnt want to hurt you.
in any case the only thing you can do (from my point of view) is just honestly talking with him. you both have to be honest!2) What would you do / have done in this situation?
read first :)
- alias0
Yeah, cool, I realise honesty is the only way forward, but I don't think he would tell me if anything is going on because he knows how I'd react. Rational or irrational, I would find it very hard to live under the same roof, let alone be friends with him. Ultimately, if he had had a little bit of sense in thinking that I might not appreciate them sleeping in the same bed whilst drunk in my flat or even asking me if I minded him asking her to the wedding, things may be different. Maybe we are not such good friends if he can't see why I'm upset . . .
- unknown0
I'd never trust anyone called Harry.
I think it would be fair for you to beat him soundly with a large stick until he dies.
Simple as that.
- alias0
lol rasko
maybe the name is justification enough for a beating...
- shutdown0
Be pissed at them but don't show it
move on, be an adult about it.
it ended between you and her, if you were together and she was cheating with your mate then thats a different story but you gotta face facts on this, you have no control over who they wish to see. If they are building up to telling you that they are an item be thankful you had a slight warning rather than them pouncing on you with their news of them being a couple.
As I said move on, it's not worth holding a grudge or being shitty about the whole thing, it wastes your time.
just an opinion of course
- jevad0
Unwritten law:
NO SNAGGING ON FRIEND'S EX'es!!
It is low down and dirty and makes it that little bit more painful to get over.
Fuck him - he's being a cock and you shoudl tell him so.
- alias0
I hear ya, and I really am trying to to the adult thing here.
But, I mean, if they get together, how am I supposed to react when he brings her round to the flat to shag her all night when I'm next door? It's just not gonna work - there's no way I could handle that. That's why I'm saying that I couldn't live with him. Imagine walking in to find them focking groping each other on the couch?
*pukes over keyboard . . .
*anger risingIt's the fact that he can't see this that is pissing me off as well
- muidlatif0
yeah.. tell him. But be professional. Try to be cool.
- jevad0
be cool - but be confrontational or he's gonna think you are cool with it!
- alias0
Nice one Jevad - I was beginning to think that I was in the wrong somehow.
I'm pretty fockin certain there *is*a rule about this shit
- unknown0
Lamp 'im! or find a woman... or at least something that'll stop you typin your past life story.
- unknown0
get northern on his ass.
if it was me Id kick his head in and move out, go travelling or something
- alias0
yeah, but typing "I think my best mate is shagging my ex" would have got less helpful responses than yours, Engage.
But thanks anyway.
- krist0ff0
fuck being 'mature'
of all the girls in london he could have met it had to be your ex.
which possibly indicates deep-rooted feelings of resentment / jealousy towards you.
you must dump all his things in a skip and torch them whilst he is at the wedding.
if he ever wonders why you did it simply tell him you felt like it and you never really liked him anyway.
go out and have some fun - never once think of either of the two of them again.
btw if you need a hand with the fire i love burning stuff.
- Peter0
Screw one of her friends
- shutdown0
go find his ex and bang her loudly while he's in one night
maybe then he'll see
- unknown0
Perhaps that your problem though; getting to the point.
- alias0
lol
Yeah - he's screwing around with my ex because my stories are a bit longwinded.
*slaps forehead
- unknown0
Or that you're a bore and need to grow some balls.
- alias0
Just asking for opinions, that's all.
I'm sorry for boring you.
Or maybe I'm not. Maybe I should pick my monitor up, scream, lob it through the window and hunt you down . . .?