Idle Thoughts
Idle Thoughts
Out of context: Reply #87
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On Arrested Development:
When I was in my mid-30s, I noticed that many smart, successful, attractive women in my social circles were refusing to settle for the particular men who were willing to commit to them. Their expectation of who they would end up with was through the roof. A life of rom-coms and adverts sold them fairy tales about "true love" and "happily ever after." They wouldn't date an older man, or someone without a cool job, anyone who made less money than them, or fat guys, or thinning hair guy, nor a man in their friend zone, nor any guy that seemed too thirsty, etc. (FYI: I say this as a guy who had no problem gettin' with the ladies. Women were into me.) The men they DID date didn't propose marriage, and moved on.
Anyway, rather than accept the reality of settling, they continued on looking for Mr Perfect.
The men their age (~35), like me, married the best of the best, or moved on to dating younger women.
This is old news, but now 7 or 8 years later, I am shocked at how many women I know have now got to an age where kids won't be an option. It's fucking depressing, I feel so bad for them. Some of them I know to a certainty that they always wanted kids. And they're hitting this age that they're telling themselves there is still a chance, but they're so far from typical child-bearing age that they can't find men who want kids to even date them. And they're very possibly too old, medically.
I'm just shocked the percentages of female friends (most somewhat distant now) in my life that are suddenly struck with this depressing realization: "I'll never have kids of my own." There are so many. I knew it would happen to some, but it's a lot!
(I also have some close male friends who haven't been able to commit to anyone and have basically "aged-out" into a category where women who want kids are uninterested in them. Also depressing, but not as common in my friend group.)
I wonder if this a trend of my generation? or if it has always been a common thing? It's hard to know what life was truly like a 60 to 100 years ago.
- Also I know and converse with some of my friends' parents, who are now painfully aware that they will never be grandparents.nb
- In one case, the parents over-pressured their three kids to be perfect, including who they dated. None of them married. Now too old to start families. :(nb
- Wait, why can't your friends marry the women who want kids?omahadesigns
- They've moved on to try for the new batch of early-30s who aren't interested in them. It's an endless cyclenb
- I thought you were female?Nairn
- I think there’s this unhealthy idea that having kids and staying married until you die is the be all and end all.mort_
- You thought there are women posting on QBN? lololnb
- @mort_ It's not the be all and end all but it's still something a lot of people want to do during their lifetimenb
- I remember my wife meeting some of my aunties and one of them said she should have all her kids by 25. She was 26 at the time.PhanLo
- It’s true some people suggest too young. But that was a product of their era, maybe?nb
- I knew a women who worked booking models for fashion shoots in London. When she got pregnant her boss brought her out in front of the whole officePhanLo
- and told the other staff members not to ruin their lives like her. Obviously she was in tears. Left London, started an event co up here.PhanLo
- Some folk just get caught up in a career, especially in the UK, folk work all the time, but it's pretty unfulfilling.PhanLo
- Everybody wants to be a mother but nobody wants to be a mother.palimpsest
- jesusnb
- A few more generations and picky women are weeded out foreverdrgs
- it's related to generations...the ones growing up during cold war, AIDS pandemic and dying of the rain forest didn't see much good in making kids.uan
- next Gen grew up in a much stable planet with economic growth, internet, more freedom. they reproduced like rabbits.uan
- I’ve noticed the same thing nb. So many women in New York who dated until 40, waiting for mr perfect, passing on tons of mostly perfect men. Now cat lady path.monospaced
- Wanting a lifelong partner and strong family unit is not unhealthy, ffs. What a load of crap, no offense. It’s the primary way happy people are raised, after almonospaced
- Generationally it was actually flipped before? Now that women have the option to be independent truly, they are. Like men used to do all the time.monospaced
- Women like this are pickier than precious generations I think because they can be. They actually are smarter and more successful than many men.monospaced
- Perhaps it’s a combo of the social ideal presented by the media and culture, combines with continued rise of women in corporate hierarchy.monospaced
- just go adopt some kids.pango
- cat lady path LOLutopian
- ya. or kids with lot of hairpango
- cats are nothing like kids. the comparison is ignorant and stupid AFmonospaced
- we know. all im saying is if you can't have kids, go adopt one.pango
- or a hairy one if you cant handle actual kids.pango
- some people should not be responsible for taking care of a kid. everpango
- Very good article on the subject: https://quillette.co…Khurram
- TL/DR 80% of women are chasing 20% of men with fewer and fewer options. Women attracction linked to survival reporduction-- attracted to menKhurram
- more educated/richer than them
More women more educated making more money than average man, this trend will continue.
Attracted to fewer men at the top.Khurram - But men are naturally inclined to be promiscuous So 20% men are chased by 80% of women who they refuse to commit to.Khurram
- 80% of men get no women. This situation potentially catostrophic implications for society.. simps, incels, red pill, NBQ00 drgs etc.Khurram
- Welcome to the economic logic of late capitalism and the gradual fall of the patriarchy.Khurram
- That's it guys! We're going g back to 1800. We need to repress women so they need us.pango
- ...
One of you is not going to get the sarcasm...pango - why are you being sarcastic.Khurram
- my uncontrollable need to constantly make jokes. i know I know. i need to see a therapist.pango
- jokes should be funny.Khurram
- you miss 100% of the shots you don't take.pango
- Uh, whoever said “80% of men get no women”... that stat is clearly made up. Same with the 80/20 garbage. It’s just fabricatednb
- I posted an article dumbass, maybe you should read it.Khurram
- https://i.imgur.com/…pango
- The article you posted literally says that the 80/20 ratio is not true lolololnb
- Exactly, i was tl-dr'ing you dumb cunt. What a dumb cunt.Khurram
- You are literally a stupid cunt. The definition in the dictionary. You, you stupid cunt.Khurram
- Who cares. People aging out, people age in. You fuck a buncha people then you die. Nobodys special.cannonball1978
- wow somebody taking things too seriouslypango
- Isn't that article basically the same thing incels are always talking about?yuekit
- They're imagining a world where a tiny minority of guys are dating almost all the women...they are super obsessed with this dynamic and refer to these guys asyuekit
- "chads" and blame feminism for causing it all...it's a super depressive, deterministic worldview. As if we only choose who to date based on an algorhythmyuekit
- and that society can't adapt to new situations. I definitely know guys whose wives make more money than them, it's not like this is impossible.yuekit
- if this is possible you guys have a chance too! https://www.dailynew…pango
- Dear angry man, Look around, do you REALLY see 80% of straight men not finding a woman? So sick of these incels making things up.nb
- Also I know this got a lot of downvotes, which is fine by me. Just want to point out that my post is sort of the opposite of what incels saynb
- I hope I didn’t come across sexist. Also acknowledging here that we’re only talking about stereotypical hetero people.nb
- It's a projecction moron, to illustrate predictable societal trends based on data. it's not literal truth, i was illustrating the point of the article dumb fuckKhurram
- Yes yuekit, I think essentially it is. But I don't see how your anecdotes have any bearing on the data analysis that was presented to me here.Khurram
- Also yuekit, the article points out that the woman earning more than the man is one of the single biggest predictors of divorce. Again, your anecdote, his data.Khurram
- oh i see what OP is sayin. men and women aren't starting families because they're too stubborn looking for mr right. based on the people he knows in his life.Khurram
- and if we all stopped being silly and just accepted the person in front of us, everyone will find someone who wants them. Based on people he know in his life..Khurram
- And our variegated sexual behaviours and changing socio-economic circumstances has nothign to do with anything.
ok then, that's an interesting hyptothesis.Khurram - There is data about women preferring men who are better educated and make more money. Not exactly a surprise. But if women are increasingly getting degreesyuekit
- and earning more than men, and there is this huge shortfall, they seem to be assuming social norms will never change.yuekit
- Is there any particular reason to think that women will always demand a guy who makes a higher salary than them? Is this hard wired into women's brains?yuekit
- What do you mean? Women will start dating down education/finance-wi...Khurram
- *education/finance wiseKhurram
- question :)Khurram
- Oh i see your last post, yeah, i think that it is,
hard wiring. Women marry across and above, men marry across and down. Probably biological, yeah i think so.Khurram - i see also why this theory is challenging to some. because it implies some kind of biological order to the existence of socio-economic hiearchies....Khurram
- Put it this way, Genghis Khan wouldn't haven't conquered most of the known world if it wasn't for "pussy" lolKhurram
- I think this point nicely sums it up:Khurram
- "Whereas greater male attainment increases the number of romantic options a man has, greater female attainment reduces the number of options a woman has."Khurram
- https://quillette.co…Khurram
- https://nypost.com/2…yuekit
- This says "only" 30 percent of women earn more than their husbands, but it's actually a decent number. And it doubled in the past few decades.yuekit
- If one in three households already have the woman earning more, I don't think this is as much of a nonstarter as that Quilette article makes it out to be.yuekit
- Buy them some cream pies to cheer them up?shapesalad
- I gave “men who make less than them” as an example. Good lord. Some people on the internet just want to feel ragenb
- "Morgan Stanley forecasts that 45 percent of working women between the ages of 25 and 44 will be single and childless by 2030, the largest share in history"...monNom
- Just thought that was an interesting datapoint. Maybe a market opportunity...monNom
- ^ That stat isn’t what we’re talking about, though. (Almost everyone woman I know was single and childless from 25 thru about 31.)nb
- Also “working women” sort of self selects your group, doesn’t it?nb
- Fun fact, many households the woman makes more. The salary balance changes over the life of a marriage, too.nb
- We dumped organised religion not understanding it was an algorithm for a sustained, working society: "Breed, people, in monogamous family units. Rinse, repeat."raf