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Out of context: Reply #66440

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  • Muncher12

    I got a new kite for my birthday way back in March. I finally got a chance to fly it on Sunday for the first time. It's a big kite, but it's not rigid. It's a parachute style that relies on air pockets being filled by the wind for some loose structure. It's basically a big sack of lightweight ripstop fabric.

    My wife, youngest child and myself went up to Devil's Dyke and they went off for a walk while I unpacked it and set about connecting the strings and getting it ready.

    The kite lay on the ground and I stood about 40ft away with the unravelled 1st 40ft of string. My wife didn't come back, so I pulled out my phone and called her so she could come back and help me launch... having no structure it's not an easy kite to launch on your own. It's just floppy nylon material.

    Just as I pulled out my phone and called my wife, the kite suddenly went from lying flat on the ground to catching some breeze, filling up, and then shooting directly upwards very quickly to about 30ft.

    It then did a u-turn and shot straight back down, about 6ft to the right, where a late-middle aged 'respectable' middle class looking woman had just decided to walk to and then stand still in the very moment it unexpectedly took off.

    So the kite went straight up, then straight back down to pound her in the head from directly above.

    Obviously, I felt really bad about this. It must have been a huge shock and could also have caused her to tweak a muscle in spontaneous reaction. The kite itself couldn't actually cause any damage as it's just a large bag of thin material. But still, nobody likes to be assaulted by a kite, so I was very sorry about it and rushed over to apologise and ask if she was okay.

    At first, she was genuinely in a kind of reactionary shock as she didn't see what had happened, she just knew something had landed on her head quite suddenly. I would have been the same... a bit like "WTF was that??"

    She just stood there, with an expression of drama on her face and her hands out as though she was trying to make sense of a cascade of blood or something (kind of semi-religious arms out pose with a look of utter bewilderment). And she stayed like that for minutes.

    I said sorry again and explained what had happened... the kite took off unexpectedly and then dive bombed immediately.

    "Well maybe you shouldn't be flying kites if you don't know how to do it" she spat back irately.

    Patiently, I re-explained that the kite was flat on the ground and wasn't being flown, and I asked again if she was okay (as by now she'd maintained her "Stunned by a hand grenade" pose for a VERY long time. I said again "I'm really sorry. Are you okay?" and she said "I don't know yet. I didn't expect to be assaulted and I think you may have injured me".

    and at that, she lowered herself to the ground and lay there crying out "Somebody help me please" in a meak kind of slurry voice.

    I asked her what was wrong and she said "Your kite has knocked me unconscious". She got very dramatic at this point and began wailing for her husband, who promptly came trotting over from place previously unseen. "What's the matter darling?" he asked.

    "This man just hit me" she said.

    He looked up at me, confused. "What's this?" he asked.

    "My kite took off unexpectedly, shot up, turned and landed on your wife's head".

    "Well why couldn't you control it?" he asked, angrily.

    and then I said a really stupid true thing "Well... I was on my phone and..."

    and that was it. "YOU WERE IN ChARGEOF A KITE AND YOU WERE TALKING ON YOUR MOBILE PHONE????" he asked, angrily.

    "No, the kite was lying flat on the ground when I used my phone, and whilst I was using it, it shot up" but I already knew I'd lost any defendable position by declaring I was on a phone.

    "THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS. I'M CALLING THE POLICE!" he said, as his wife began wailing like she was delirious. "OOOOOah...OH DEAR... I can't see George" she was saying. "I've lost the feeling in my arms... George... George".

    So I suggested he call the police if he needed to do that, and that I was sorry it happened, and that he should probably see if his wife is okay and I'll wait for him to call the police.

    So he goes over to his wife and crouches down by her for a couple of minutes, then comes back over to me and says "Right. You've caused my wife a considerable head injury and she needs to get to hospital".

    I said "Okay, well let's deal with that then. I don't quite understand how she sustained such a bad injury but..." I began to say "BECAUSE YOUR KITE HIT HER FULL FORCE ON THE CRANIUM AND THE POINT HAS PENETRATED HER SKULL LIKE AN ARROW YOU IDIOT" he shouted angrily.

    "Okay, stay calm" I said. "You'd better get her to the hospital and phone the police... I'll help you carry her...""YOU STAY AWAY FROM HER, I'LL DEAL WITH IT" he barked at me.

    Quiet by chance an off-duty police officer came over and explained who he was and asked what the problem was. I explained, and the husband gave his dramatic version. The policeman looked at the man and looked at me, and then looked at the man's wife, now crawling desperately around on the grass bank saying "Somebody please. Somebody". He said to the man "You'd better let me have a look at your wife sir. This man's kite isn't the kind that is capable of causing a penetrating wound. It's just a plastic bag".

    At which point the man and woman both glanced at my limp kite flopping around next to them, and the woman got back up, shouted some expletives at me, and they both walked to their car and drove off.

    Fucking chancers.

    Muncher 12Permalink
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    • ‘Your kite has knocked me unconscious.’ LOLsr_rosa
    • ffs what a pair of cunts! then again, what the fuck were you thinking? those kites need a lot of space to fly, it's really important to check for idiotshans_glib
    • wandering into the area, who think it's their god given right to walk around under airborne stunt kiteshans_glib
    • glad it all worked outFax_Benson
    • Yaay Daily Mail-reading sue culture at its finest in the meekly-greedy elder echelons of our withering implosion of a society.detritus
    • Hahah, there was a lot of space Hans. Also.. a LOT of kites flying about. It's the local kite-flying hotspot.Muncher
    • I forgot to add that the O.D-Po also said he watched the whole thing happen and only came over when he realised they were going to milk it for maximum drama...Muncher
    • in that case, it sounds like they were there with a particular intent.detritus
    • ... and possibly waste valuable police and medical time making a big deal out of a minor accident.Muncher
    • No they weren't there with intent. They just let their pent-up reactionary drama glands secrete outrageum and were willing to let that snowball into a big issueMuncher
    • "shall we go and annoy those kiters, darling? you never know, we might get lucky and pick up a head injury worth suing over!" "what a marvellous idea, darling"hans_glib
    • Much the same as they would do if their neighbour trimmed a twig of privet hedge that was over their side of the freeholder line.Muncher
    • When my eldest girl was 8 she actually did slam a rigid kite at about 40mph into a woman's head on an otherwise completely empty beach. So we do have previous.Muncher
    • there was a previous incident? you kite flying maniac.inteliboy
    • It was years ago, and she was 8. Handed her the kite strings for the 1st time... SLAM! straight into the only other person for miles around. She was FUMING mad.Muncher
    • Both times I had a brief moment of feeling angry that people are seemingly drawn to stand in the arc of the kite....Muncher
    • ... They could stand anywhere but the human brain seems to subconsciously calculate string length and then recommends standing in the danger zone.Muncher
    • they can only sue if there is actual damage...so whats the point. Middle england cuntsmugwart
    • https://s26.postimg.…Muncher
    • Yeah exactly. Not sure they were calculating compensation - more focussed on being dramatically outraged as toxically decent people. Daily Mailers, as D said.Muncher
    • God bless that cop. I wouldn't mind being one if that's what i got to do .. call the nuts out on their insanity & kill drama. Love it._salisae_
    • "Mucher 'liked' Salisae's note"Muncher
    • MUNCHER, not MUCHER.Muncher
    • BTW Sal, I saw your Mandela Effect comments somewhere and had a recollection that relates, but then couldn't find the discussion again! = )Muncher
    • muncher wrote: MULCHER NOT MUNCHERhans_glib
    • This better be worth the readautoflavour
    • muncher, was it this couple?
      https://www.youtube.…      Gnash
    • LOL.. probably thought they were going to get a payoutautoflavour
    • Your comments are most welcome. I'm new to the mobile nav here (liking it tho) .. i think it's just the one post in blog w/ notes. :-)_salisae_
    • Gnash, similar kind of mentality... wanting to create a scene but unsure of any intended outcome, but they were a 'decent respectable' couple. Church fete folk.Muncher
    • This was America? If you cast a shadow on or got in a photo she was taking, then that's fair game to try to get insurance money. Blood? Slam dunk!formed
    • No, Sussex, England. Big hill in the countryside. They just got carried away with the sense of injustice, and walked a plank of their own devising.Muncher
    • No blood was drawn. If you can draw blood by throwing a sheet of fabric in somebody's face then you're a better man than I am!Muncher
    • I am surprised she didn't ask her husband to film it. You are lucky that cop was there!formed
    • Next time glass your strings and do some real damage. SURPRISE DECAP STRIKE!detritus
    • I woulda been like HEY THIS IS MY BIRTHDAY PRESENT SHOW SOME HUMANITY_salisae_
    • Look out, he's got a kite!!garbage
    • I'm pretty sure you've just met my aunt and uncle.mathinc
    • Heyyyyyyyy!_salisae_
    • great read.hotroddy
    • Bet they where fucking, dickhead Brexitiers...cunts.mrAtor
    • Missd this somehow. Best thing I have read on here in ages.fadein11
    • nice story! enjoyed the readingBennn
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