Dad Advice Thread
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- ApeRobot1
How do you tell a 3/half years old that mom and dad are gonna separate?
This is stressing me out.- been there its tough. Be honest and supportive.mugwart
- my experience its not the telling but the conditions. Your going to get it rough, but find a solid place to live and grow.mugwart
- due to finance and london prices I had to room hope and that was the worst thing.mugwart
- but be loving and supportive and try and give them a childhood (toys, safety, warmth) and use QBN to stress out.mugwart
- also it gets very raw after you leave. Make a plan now of places to take your kid and schedules etc before hand so if you do crash you can go into auto pilotmugwart
- Thanks mugwart, it's really tough because i don't have any real family support. I'm gonna have to start from scratch and carry the whole thing on my shoulders.ApeRobot
- Not seeing my kid on a daily basis anymore is fucking me up. I got to deal with me losing my wife after 18 years, and being separated from my son....ApeRobot
- Same but I was 10 not 18. Fucking sucks man. Not going to lie to you. My advice, write a list of all improvments you want to do on yourself (diet, health, art,mugwart
- etc). The days away from your kid focus on those. Improve your life at your worst.
Been there so chime in if you need to. I can give my email if you need.mugwart - thanks mugwart.ApeRobot
- Hayoth-9
Don't ever turn into the guy that whistles or the 40yr old perv.
- Ok, be the annoying whistling dad and the perv dad jokes. Go for it.Hayoth
- True but this is better than finding a corner to die in and doing so in silence!mugwart
- You're a dad?monospaced
- trump supporters have like 12 kids n shitGuyFawkes
- DaveO6
Me and my wife are living in NY without any parental help, we have two kids and we're literally on our own. Both have busy jobs and she travels internationally once per month to shoot, usually on a different continent. It's hard work.
If you have the opportunity to let your kids spend time with ANY family, do it and take time for yourselves. We have to get on a plane or pay someone hourly if we want time on our own that's not at night, so get over the petty arguments i know people get caught in about family semantics, and just enjoy the fact that the famlily and the kid(s) are likely getting something out of it.
- i share this pain - its hard work to do this without any supporting family/aidmugwart
- I salute you and am here for you!mugwart
- i got the same problem, probably one of the reasons i'm a single dad now.ApeRobot
- ^ yeah, was a major impact on myself and my ex as well. Hang in there DaveO. Any stress go straight to couple counselling - stop any problems as early as possmugwart
- Also to note, if you have a toxic family - do stop that from destroying your life as well. fuck modern life is complex!mugwart
- Only my wife's family is nearby, so my son will be spending time primarily with them, and my family is thousands of miles away. Not ideal but I accept it.monospaced
- It's fine really – just will end up getting harder when the boys get older. Amazing how we earn what i thought was an decent amount of money...DaveO
- ...but with school and childcare its hard to find extra for flight back to England. And moving back to the UK is as scary as staying in the USA!!DaveO
- Thanks for the advice, this is the exactly the reason why I'm not too eager to have kidsmartinadolfsson
- helloeatbreathedrive1
Listened, followed, and partnered. Penniless at 36.
- < snap. Buying a house is now out the question.mugwart
- https://youtu.be/FRP…notype
- mugwart3
Anyone got any tips on how not to fuck up your kid when your divorced?
My kid is suffering and I'm doing all I can for him, he's a fucking trooper but is genuinely sad. I suffer depression and I'm seeing the early stages of it in him. We talk open about 'sadness' but everything is on my shoulders to sort out (ex gives a narcissistic fuck at the best of times). I have no family to help out either.
I brought a Xmas tree and we are spending next week making decorations. Star Wars the following week and I have saved up for some massive Lego set for present. Yet I feel these are only superficial things.
Any tips/pointers.
- (would take him to see help but I dont want him medicated through life and also I'm a struggling with money)mugwart
- That's heavy, so sorry. Only thing I could say is concentrate on the positives. Like Mom and Dad won't yell at each other anymore, Two Xmass, two birthdays.eryx
- My parents divorced after I left but they were miserable together, They should have done it years ago but thought they were doing the best for the kids.eryx
- They were not doing the best for us and they basically lived separate lives in the same house. When they finally got divorced they were both so happy!eryx
- As a product of divorce myself (i was 8) I can say therapy helps. But also, I appreciate that my mother brought a dependable step dad into my life a year later.shellie
- it seemed fast to me when I was younger, but realize as an adult my parents had begun separating when I was in 1st grade. My step dad was the best thing thatshellie
- what you have to do is get the divorce straight with you and the wife and make the progression to your new life as smooth as possible for all of you...uan
- ever happened to me. I would NOT bring women around him that aren't committed for the long haul to co parent with you. People leaving can be traumatic.shellie
- consider getting professional help and advice for this. once you enter 'normal' new life you can just be dad again, just love your kid and be there for him.uan
- I write this, because I think you are trying to compensate the loss for the kid with stuff and even if it might be cool for a moment, you don't fix the problem.uan
- I also think you are having the right instinct by taking time to spend with the kid. that's basically all he needs. most of all he probably misses you.uan
- Thanks all. My new partner is brilliant & brings a lot to the table for him.
I'll see what is around my area for help.
Thanks all you kick arsemugwart - Thats fantastic you have a new partner to help - another voice can be instrumental. Hopefully you get some help man. I went through the same 2 years ago and nowpedromendez
- find that happiness for kids can be found in the smallest things. Finding something they love doing and enjoying that with them is amazing. Keep it up man :)pedromendez
- thanks pedromendez, the best things we do is just wonder around London. Been teaching him how to navigate around the city!mugwart
- There's help without medication. Not all therapists medicate. See one yourself so you keep your head on straight. Love the fuck out of him.jtb26
- Go see something. Movies are good. Wonders of the world are good too. hikes, museums, arcades. You care. things will hold together. <3jtb26
- thanks jtb26. I do all those above. I'll save my pennies and get him to see help.mugwart
- decorations are cool, but learning how to bake cookies is a lifelong skill—make cookies together! :Djaylarson
- All kids really want is your time and attention. Crack that and you're golden. Damn hard though. Good luck.monoboy
- Someone once told me that their parents divorced when they were young. Their mom struggled to keep shit together financially, bought them christmas gifts, etc...Gucci
- but the thing they remembered the most vividly is their mom randomly taking a day off work and taking them for a picnic to the park.Gucci
- As others have said, time and attention. Find moments together and HAVE the fuck out of them.Gucci
- I'm going through a separation. Kills to hear my 3 y/o cry because "she misses daddy". We're all just floating around figuring shit out here together.Gucci
- I'm in the same position, i got a 3 years old son. I don't know how to explain it to him yet. I'll probably do has soon has i know where i'm gonna live next.ApeRobot
- It breaks my heart that i'm not gonna see him everyday....that is worst than the separation itself.ApeRobot
- Don't miss the mum in front of him no matter how bad she is. That way no good lies.detritus
- sorry to hear I'm not alone out there. It sucks. I dont knock the mum in front of him. I'e told him that I'll tell him the truth one day when hes old enough butmugwart
- to realise that I was very sick at his mums place and couldnt take the fighting anymore. That I'm a better father now I can be me. But fuck its heart wrenchingmugwart
- I dropped him off came back and weptmugwart
- Whatever you do, don't talk shit about his mom. Try to keep your relationship with her sane, for the kid. Nothing hurts more than seeing parents hate eachothersea_sea
- I hated my mom for talking shit on my dad, I loved him. Kids aren't marriage counselors.sea_sea
- I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. I would just say to shower your son with love and do things that make you both happy. Bike rides. Play outside.kona
- Go for walks to the park. Or learn a new hobby, like fishing. Maybe take up a painting class together? Anything for the both of you to occupy your timekona
- focusing on the good so your brain won't drown in the bad. Your bad mood and sorrow will project to your son.kona
- For you, I highly recommend the headspace app. If you can't afford the price, message me. I'll send you an apple gift card to pay for it.kona
- I went through a rough patch in 2015 and came a signature away from divorce. We have 3 children. The headspace app will help you find your center,kona
- relax, focus, and overall feel positive and better about things. I still meditate once a day for about 15 minutes. Stay strong buddy.kona
- Thanks kona, really kind of you. I've been trying to do yoga daily. Been helping loads. 3 kids -- that sucks. Hope your okay now.mugwart
- Yeah man, thankfully we were able to work through it and our marriage is better and stronger than ever. Let me know if I can help.kona
- glad it worked out for the bestmugwart
- dbloc5
Missed opportunity to name the thread Dadvice
- garbage1
"Wrap it up, we don't need any more of you running around."
- zaq4
- nylon6
My daughter is 11 weeks old today.
This is a great thread...
The wind/legs/pumping out the farts is brilliant and works!
Hopefully the crying stops next week at 3 months!
- nocomply1
1.) For those first few weeks/months, when your baby is sleeping in some kind of baby rocker, car seat, etc...
Tie a shoe string to the contraption the baby is sleeping in. Then you can pull on it and rock the baby without getting out of bed or off the couch.
Life: hacked!
2.) "The Secret Weapon" - If your baby is crying and fussing in the car seat, grab the handle of it and swing them in a large, fast sweeping motion. Not some gentle-ass rocking here. Put some real muscle into it and give them a ride. The crying stops almost immediately. Almost every time. This trick was passed along to be by another dad. It's like a secret Dad tip, I hear.
- nocomply7
For the parents-to-be out there... Learn how to work the carseat in every which way BEFORE the baby arrives.
You don't want to be franticly dealing with it at night, in the hospital drop off zone, with a crying infant and a stressed out mom when both of you haven't slept in 2 days.
We've got #2 coming any day now. Just gave myself a refresher course last night.
- Fuck. 6 weeks to go and I don't even have the car seat yet. Or a car.monospaced
- @mono - get it now. one of the most complex purchases of my life.fadein11
- < actually a GREAT bit of advicemicrokorg
- I just ordered the city mini stroller and the lightest car seat carrier that I could find. 3 weeks until due date. Gonna start practicing this on my in laws carmonospaced
- Hey. Did #2 arrive strong and healthy without issues? Cheers and congrats!monospaced
- +10000 – this is amazing and i had the exact situation in the underground parking zone. No access to signal for a YT video either!DaveO
- Yes, mono! Our second baby boy, Kaleb arrived healthy and happy. He's 5 months old today. Time flies. Thanks for asking.nocomply
- We ended up at 1am, in a blizzard, with a newborn, waiting for an Uber and using the car seat for the first time. Total dad fail. Hahaha.monospaced
- Beeswax1
This thread is great, I'll check it back in 5 months once ours come out.
In the meantime I guess I don't have much to do as an expecting dad except making money.- get lots of sleep for the next 5 monthszaq
- Go out with your friends and sleep in!Mattjanz3n
- stoplying1
To each his own, I hope goes without saying
Be careful with whatever rules or parameters you devise for screen time (phone, tablet, tv, etc) It's really easy to just hand over an ipad when they fuss, but just know what kind of expectations that sets for them.
- parenting is hard work. hard work week + instantly need to be there for them.
Its hard to inforce this. So I inforce certain programs/software.mugwart - get good 'qualtiy' games that have some brain power to them etcmugwart
- for my two boys (10 & 8 years old) they earn screen time via reading. 1 minute reading = 2 minutes screen time. max 1 hour a day screen time.Bluejam
- ^ ooohhhhmugwart
- ive been trying to get my kid to code in minecraft. he can play for hour or two if he does 30mins-1hour of codingmugwart
- My buddy makes his 9 year old son do push ups and clean his room in exchange for screen time.stoplying
- lolnotype
- parenting is hard work. hard work week + instantly need to be there for them.
- zaq5
convenience and fun
- mugwart2
I didnt rush my kid into potty training. I left the potty out and we let him find it. After he did it once he never went back! He's never wet the bed and never had any 'accidents'... wish this applied to his old man!!
- Cosmodrome7
Don't ever ask them what they did today (at school, etc.)
Tell them what YOU did at work today.
Not only are they interested, but they'll try and relate and volunteer everything that happened to them in the process.
It's the best.
- eryx3
My father was paying me $5 an hour for piling the winter firewood. I was doing a shit job and he told me:
"If that pile falls down I am not paying you to pile it again"
It has stuck with me to do a good job.
- Mattjanz3n2
3 day potty training (daughter) works. I was a little worried about this potty training thing and very skeptical of the 3day method. I can say now those 3 days were 2 weeks ago and it worked.
Can't say if it works for all kids or boys as well as my daughter and a few friends with girls. Good luck dads, keep your head up!
- is there a reference for this. my 21 month old is due to start at some point soontrooperbill
- link?microkorg
- A friend sent us the ebook which I can't find now, but if you look up "3 day potty training method", there are plenty of variations. Good luck!Mattjanz3n
