Dad Advice Thread
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- monNom1
My two bits of advice for any new dad's, but especially dad's of multiples: SLEEP TRAINING
We got our girls on the sleep training routine at about 2months old, and after about three nights, they were sleeping 12hrs through the night. Every night. It's been over a year. They never wake up!
We used the babywise system, as that was what was recommended to us. Dunno if there are others but the basic idea is don't let baby oversleep during the day, and cram them full of food so they don't wake-up hungry in the middle of the night.
Second bit of advice: when people offer to help, get them to make you a meal that you can freeze and heat up easily. Lack of sleep and proper nutrition are the biggest factors in how you're going to handle the extra stress. Good meals ready to eat makes things go just that much smoother.
- Funny for me that you post this now. I was 'discussing' this with my partner at 3am this morning, as we've had a few days problem getting lil'un to sleepNairn
- Lil'un's 6 months and for 3 months had been fine.. just these last few days've not been good. I think we need to be firmer getting her to bed earlier.Nairn
- At 6 months things start happening. She could be waking up because of teething or more active dreaming. Or growth spurt fluctuations.monospaced
- You can also look into the “dream feed,” which worked wonders for us starting at about 5 months.monospaced
- exador14
best advice I could ever give new parents of a newborn would be 'shifts'.
too often, it's the middle of the night, and you hear the crying and you know it's time to either feed, change or something...
same thing always happens..you're dead fucking tired, and it's *poke, -your turn-... ahhh...no did it last time, it's your turn..etc....
we tried that for a week or 3 and realized it was NOT working for us at all.thus, Shift work. it fucking worked.
from the moment I got home from work (say, 5:30 or so) til I went to sleep (say 1-2am) i was on-duty. feeding, changing, rocking, playing whatever...it was all on me. so far so good.
at 1-2 or whatever, I'd put our baby in her crib asleep, and crawl into bed. from that point on, my wife was on duty. so I could get a decent nights sleep and get to work in the morning.this all worked for a variety of reasons. one, I'm a night-owl anyhow...so it was not hardship to stay up til 1am or 1:30 or whatever... 2, it was great that our baby from practically day 1, was 100% used to both of us... none of this 'only wanting one parent, and crying whenever we passed her back and forth etc'
3) and probably most important.... it gave my wife the time she needed to get sleep herself, to go out, to run errands, go to the gym...just GTFO ya dig?... if she's home with the baby all day, she's gonna need to get the hell outa the house for a bit and unwind herself...
plus, she was and is a natural early riser...so goes to sleep pretty early as well.... so she was able to get a ton of sleep herself... say, from 9:30-10 til 2am or whatever...uninterupted...(usual... must longer, as when i put the baby down at 2-ish, she'd sleep for atleast a few hours before waking up...
anyhow, it sure as fuck beats 'who's fucking turn is it' games at 3 or 4 am....
shift work. it fucking works folks :)
- This is the realisation I've come to, but we've got a small flat and despite being a night owl, I'm a poor sleeper, easily roused, and need to be up daytime :\Nairn
- and on top of this, it's good to remember that the 'round the clock care only lasts for a couple of months, and it does get better!monospaced
- Eventually the kids go to bed around 8:30 and sleep until the ass-crack of dawn, and you can have (almost) all the sleep you need again.monospaced
- I was the late shift :)tank02
- Yeah shift work definitely works.microkorg
- through the night i was every shift - knackering. plus doing a full days work #mugtrooperbill
- mantrakid15
Number one advice i would ever give to a new dad is to be patient / cool with letting go of / sacrificing your personal desires for a while.
I was not prepared for the amount of attention and selflessness it would require. Sacrificing 'me' time, sleep, emotional states, thought processes, ability to concentrate, time for work, etc etc etc. It was all out the window for quite some time and I found it very hard at first to not get kinda irritated at it all.
I eventually discovered that it was being amplified heavily by a lack of sleep and that as long as I was getting a good amount of sleep no matter where i could get it (slept on the kitchen floor a few times) i usually felt more chill and better prepared to roll with the punches.
I never realized what a total shift in perception would be required. Like everything goes out the window and you're starting fresh, re-evaluating **everything** from the point of view of your new role as a father.
- Sage advice. I find getting some exercise helps too.mandomafioso
- What about becoming a step dad? Recently met someone and her child is really difficult. Glad you’re seeing some positives going forward thoughIanbolton
- sleep yes its all about that early on. my 3yr old finally sleeps through and i am able to feel and do normal things againtrooperbill
- << That was my experience as well.kirshar12
- All of this.monospaced
- My first advice is: Adapt, improvise, overcome. Welcome to your new life. ;)ApeRobot
- 100%
I was not prepared to make the sacrifice and nearly cratered my marriage. Thankfully, I pulled my head out of my arse.ronburgundy - I left my partner and kid abroad, coming back for work. Had hoped I could get some sleep in - last two nights have managed same 3 hour increments :(Nairn
- crazy how that happens, huh? can't even sleep when you shouldmonospaced
- maquito2
My 9 month old usually goes to bed around 8pm. Since it’s Saturday, wife and I planned some netflix and chill with some beers and a fresh bud rolled. We were counting on the little buddy sleeping by 8:30. The turnaround: Wife and I spent 2 and a half hours trying to make our little buddy fall asleep. In the middle, he even woke up laughing. Wife stayed in bed with the baby sleeping by her side, and I’m in the kitchen writing this, asking myself if I should chug a beer and smoke some weed or go to bed. Peace!
- chukkaphob6
- lolKrassy
- DO IT! and videorecord their reaction!chukkaphob
- lolnotype
- ok_not_ok0
- the cut at the end is perfect timinghotroddy
- he's the father?? he looks like he's 30.sarahfailin
- stoplying-2
^ Oh and if you feed your little ones cheerios and/or Quaker Oatmeal - I would reconsider. Harmful levels of cancer-causing weed killer have recently been found in them. Find an organic alternative. Thanks Monsanto.
- stoplying0
If anybody has any sorcerer's spells for untwisting my car seat straps, please share them. I swear to christ it's a problem that seems so simple, "JUST TWIST THE STRAP THE OTHER WAY" I think, but then fuck no, that's not right. Hey what just happened? Is that an old cheerio?
- I watched a couple of YouTube videos and then practiced a lot. Like, I literally twisted the straps on purpose to practice untwisting them. I'm pretty good now.nocomply
- tank020
Respons to err:
No need to freak out man, my son is 4 months old and everything sorts itself out. Parenthood is great (I had some freak out issues too when he wasn't born)
I run a business together with my wife so we had also some trouble with work. But those first months, in general, daycare is not option I think. Kids just to young. My son starts daycare in september. 4 days a week.
But here (Antwerp) we have some supergood options by the city. Check out his daycare:
- I'm super excited about our daycare, but I'm still jealous of this. That, and just generally speaking how Europe handles ma/paternity leave & care.skwiotsmith
- Well, i'm self employed so i didn't even got one day off. But for the rest, yeah all is taken care of in excellent way. I really don't get why a portion of ...tank02
- ... Americans are against this.tank02
- Against what? Daycare? Daycare is a huge business in the US.Hayoth
- Welp that was 8 months ago I now have a 3.5 month old. And you were right! It worked itself out. (with a lot of prep) He's going to daycare next door to us!err
- @hayoth, he meant mat/pat leave. Americans don't seem to get much if any on average.ben_
- err1
This is the best QBN thread ever! My gf is 20 weeks pregnant and we are both calmly freaking out.
Anyone got any advice for doing daycare in Brooklyn while having a job? We have demanding jobs and get out of work at 6-7pm how do ppl do this?
- Option 1: Someone else raises your kids. (Nanny/Family)
Option 2: One of the parents sacrifices career progression to stay home moreStatic_Line - https://www.youtube.…ok_not_ok
- I opted to stay home from work and we cut back a ton of stuff. It was way harder than working but we felt the point of having kids was to raise them, not have..lemmy_k
- someone else do it for us.lemmy_k
- Congrats!instrmntl
- Option 1: Someone else raises your kids. (Nanny/Family)
- skwiotsmith1
Dad's to be—a couple of thoughts for you...
My wife & I just had our first. My wife read a number of books, two of which are definitely worth reading: Mindful Birthing & HypnoBirthing. Did she follow everything to the t? No, but the breathing & meditation techniques alone are worth their weight in gold. Yes, there was pain involved, but she also was calm.
Hire a doula. Yeah, we would have made it through without one, but having that support person there was crucial to us, and it would have been a very different experience (not necessarily for the better)...
- Or just be tight with your wife and roll with the punches.BonSeff
- @Bon, I agree. We didn’t do anything like what skwiot did, and all was good. We found having help AFTER the baby was born was most helpful.monospaced
- Yeah, I can understand what you're saying. For me personally, both were extremely helpful. We were 100% in this together, but having these resources made...skwiotsmith
- a huge difference for us. Probably the most important thing I realized is—like every baby—every birth is different. Our's was a crazy whirlwind.skwiotsmith
- Everything was cool in the end though :) And thankfully both our families are able to help now that Lilia's here!skwiotsmith
- I like the name! I have a Lily and a Lydia.BonSeff
- Our birth was nuts and it was the 2 of us with nurses who wandered in and out over the 20 hour span to make sure she was ok. It was unreal, but totally doable.mantrakid
- We had a doula as well who taught us plenty of proactive calming techniques that came in handy and made the process much smoother.ben_
- Krassy7
- if only they made toys for kids, thanks a lot toys r usjuanluisgarcia
- DIY goodnessdocpoz
- montessori?ArchitectofFate
- my dad made something just like this for my son...he LOVED it ...kept him busy as a toddler, that's for sure...exador1
- #defcon #toddlervillageprophetone
- Someone just told me to make one of these!instrmntl
- Latch boardinstrmntl
- Made one based off this exact picture, my kids really enjoyed it.kirshar12
- this is great, kids would rather play with things they're not supposed to play with. Ours, anyway.ben_
- eryx1
My sister in law told me about this one.
When you kid is ready to have a soother at sleep time don't just put one soother in the crib, if they loose it they will be frustrated and wake up.
We put 12 in the crib all over the place, now a soother is always within reach and if they decide to start throwing them out of the crib you don't have to keep going back into the room to put it back.
simple and effective.
- Ha yep. I sprinkled them bastards of all over their beds. 12 is a good number.Hayzilla
- nipples everywhere!sarahfailin
- Excellent idea, but also be mindful of when it's time to phase the soothers out. My now 3 year old is still holding onto his adamantly.kirshar12
- And it's already causing dental damage, which will be more stress and money very soon.kirshar12
- HijoDMaite3
My 16 year old girl is getting ready to apply to colleges. She has, for years, been set on becoming an elementary school teacher. That is fine and all and I have been careful not to discourage her from this decision but seriously, I think always thought she should reconsider. I was happy to hear that her counselor told her this week that he would hate to see her intelligence go to waste, she has always been a straight "A" student, she is ranked #7 in her class. So the counselor convinced her to be open to other careers and she has done that. I am so happy that he said that because it's difficult for me to convince her without her and my wife making me feel like I am "crushing her dreams". Look, I get it know teaching is great, and we need good teachers and all that, but I am just being a realist here. She can do way better.
So now she is looking at what she loves and that is Math. She would also like to open up her own business one day, so she is thinking Math major with minor in Business or double major.
This is what her requirements are up to now:
work with people
work in "happy" environment
different everyday
not a desk jockey
has to go to school near Disneylandlol
we are still looking at options for majors, schools and careers..
so, any advice on how to approach the next few months?
- my parents were/are cunts and drummed so much negativity about my choice into my head I had a break down trying to do what I wanted.mugwart
- That said I'm a dad now and I know how hard it is to be a parent. So I'll go with honesty. Tell her in a very safe/ non judgemental envormentmugwart
- one that does not make her feel defensive and explain your fears and why your feeling like this.mugwart
- Research other ways her brain can be used to "better use". Maybe look into psychiatry for kids etc.mugwart
- Do you know any teachers? Try and get a serous chat with one of the harsh reality of the life of what ever it is.mugwart
- My parents destroyed this part of my life and it has fucked me up every day since. I'm not happy within myself and deeply frustrated. Be nice/ honest and Dad.mugwart
- My 10p!mugwart
- (sorry many posts) be honest if your emotions of the time as well, be human about it. Say your having problems talking/feeling etc.mugwart
- At least she doesn't want to become a designer...fooler
- Teachers get summers and major bank holidays off and can teach into their 60's with a nice pension... name any designer that has it that good.fooler
- ^ Shit! Our parents WERE right to discourage us!ETM
- Show her examples of what other jobs look like. Try for internships, university summer schools, take your daughter to work day, etc.monNom
- I had no interest in graphic design until I got exposed to what a graphic designer actually did. Kids need someone to model on.monNom
- Start a math school. So she can teach at her own schoolCGN
- If your daughter is getting straight A’s ....she knows. Maybe she may choose a different path while in school. Trust her yet give her gentle advice.notype
- My ex-partner, a Bronx HS librarian way back in the day- she was doing very well financially. Comparable to her peers in other areas of HS edu. She loved it.notype
- In Finland they only employ straight A teachers - they have the best education system in the world. She would make a great teacher, and then do something elseSlashPeckham
- The "business" degree seems like a waste to me.section_014
- Have her do a job shadow day as a elem teacher. Spending a whole day with hundreds of those screaming monsters will surely dissuade her, or solidify her passionzombiewoof
- show her some movies with great female professors or about careers in science...uan
- Chartered Accountant, Engineering, Investment banker if your after money.eryx
- fooler1
My 6 year old son just started playing Pokemon and Minecraft and has no interest in BMX bikes, skateboards or any other sport.
What have I done wrong????- add a time limitGuyFawkes
- terrorize him at night as a jiggly pufffuturefood
- Act like an elementary bully. Make fun of him playing pokemon.pango
- Or you can start playing pokemon too. It might just kill it for them.pango
- https://ruinmyweek.c…ok_not_ok
- You need to set some VERY clear boundaries early on. Once he knows the rules, he'll be fine.BusterBoy
- minecraft is good for kids, like affordable modern day legos, dat pokémon though gotta goGuyFawkes
- It’s his circle of influence man. What do his friends like to do?HijoDMaite
- Super League Gaming, it’s like esports little league.. then at least he gets to be social learn team work lolBrokenHD
- I hear kids now a day learn programming on Minecraft.pango
- better those two than Fortnite, do not let him near that gameBluejam
- you can learn code on minecraftmugwart
- rasberry pi runs it. he will learn linux and move into hardware with directionmugwart
- my kid went through this now he's a book worm and plays electric guitar. Just talk to him, say way computers are "bad" all the timemugwart
- kids have it shit these days, we had ET, jacko and micheal J fox. These kids have pedos, murder and trump.mugwart
- The best decision I made as a parent was limiting screens to weekends only. That way my kid isn’t distracted from schoolwork and has to be creative to have fun.soundofreason
- He started playing Minecraft from watching me. So we enrolled him in a programming class on Saturdays to which we bike to (around 40min ride each way).soundofreason
- Screen time on weekends is limitless on theory but we always have other activities planned out anyway. We go to the library twice a week...soundofreason
- ... on Fridays we pick out a movie. The Friday night movie is something the whole family looks forward to. He really gets to appreciate it this way.soundofreason
- I would avoid setting a time limit. He won't see that screens are something you can live without and use that shit like a junkie. Waiting for that 4pm fix!!!soundofreason
- Personally think 6 is too young for video games. At that age kids should be developing imagination + motor skills with physical toys/exploring outside.shapesalad
- My nephew is 6 and still into lego and drawing and matchbox cars. If he had a chance to play a video game, that'd be the end of toys and developing imagination.shapesalad
- At least old atari/amiga/dragon32 games were so basic you had to use tonnes of imagination to enjoy them as a kid.shapesalad
- Games today are way too good for kids, so immersive and fun and most concerning: addictive.shapesalad
- I also always get into whatever his interest are, not to discourage him like pango suggested :D but to encourage him into just not being a passive consumer.soundofreason
- Pokemon could be a good way to get into taxonomy and proper evolution. At their age anything is a good learning experience.soundofreason
- As the saying goes "Anything's a dildo if you're brave enough".soundofreason
- Not sure where you are, but you;r elikely just coming out of Winter. Summertime's for BMX and skateboards. Winter's for nerding.
Both are better.detritus - @soundofreason you're the , well, sound of reason!Krassy
- Ya... Don't let me baby sit your kids.pango
- Computer at weekends only.microkorg
- Beeswax0
It's been two weeks since my son is born. After 10 days in the ICU we brought him home and its such a joy to hold him in my arms.
But man getting him to sleep is tough.
I hold him, he dozes off and I put him in his crib, couple of minutes later he wakes up with a cry.
Just tonight we'd done this several times. My wife had just fed him too and changed his diapers. I don't get it, why does he hate the crib?I wonder he wakes up because the crib mattress is pretty hard, but they also don't suggest soft mattress because of SIDS.
- shake his booty
https://www.youtube.…BonSeff - rtfm: he misses the body heat and your heartbeat...that's how babies work;-)uan
- there's also the plastic nipples, pacifiers. those give them the chance to find something known when they wake up, calm down and go again into sleep mode.uan
- hard mattress is ok, his body is light as a feather and built to survive on stoneuan
- my boys used to love falling asleep on my chest, i'd carefully move them when sound asleep, or just sleep with them._niko
- but don't worry, only 6 more months and you're in the clear! lol_niko
- Remember that he is blind, and don't know where he is. Spent 9 month in the womb, then sudden separation....ApeRobot
- Keep i'm close to you, like every mammals do. Do not leave him alone in his room...ApeRobot
- http://www.awarepare…ApeRobot
- shake his booty
- Beeswax0
Were you with your wife during the labor?
I want to be by her side, but I hate seeing her in pain and I'm afraid I might get a bit over excited and annoy her or get mad at doctors.- I can't imagine not being there for her.monospaced
- I was, for both children. I wouldn’t have had it any other way. Fair warning: there will be blood.mg33
- I stood by my ex, even through emergency surgery. On the plus side I got to see her guts! Nothing like zombie films!mugwart
- I was there and cut the cord. It was amazing! 100% you should be there.eryx
- Be there man. 100%.PhanLo
- You will regret it years to come.mugwart
- One of those moments in life you can't afford to miss. Having said that, when my first son was born it was like a scene out of the exorcistBluejam
- I adopted my kids. Trust me....be there. For her. Be there for yourself, and the child you're welcoming. When it comes to family, fuck courtesy.spadeandheart
- When you see her in pain you just get the fuck over it. The docs know what they're doing and she will tell you if you're being a twat. Easy!DaveO
- I was there (M6 in hand...)... for 38 hours the first time and 9 mins for the second.see_thru
- Be there. I literally just went through this. I was worried about the pain. Don't be. She's stronger than realize.skwiotsmith
- mg335
Get eye-to-eye with your little ones when you need to be stern and authoritative and don't tower over them. Helps for them to see you at eye level and not be domineering when you really need to get them to understand things.
My daughter is almost 3 and I really have to do that often, and tell her "look at my nose, look at my eyes" so I know she's paying attention. I also make sure she says "Yes I understand" when I need to explain something important to her.
There's such a weird balance of being an authority and being a friend and a parent at this age. Hoping to get it right so that it's easy when my son, who is almost 6 months old, is in the 2 - 3 range. AND that we will have taught my daughter good personal discipline so she can help reinforce it with us when he's older.
Also... we've really been working with our daughter on her morning routine. Making sure she understands the order of things in the morning:
1. Wake up.
2. Say "good morning sun!" (it's cute more than anything)
3. Go to the bathroom, take off diaper, put on underwear and get dressed with our help.
4. Sit at her table and eat breakfast, then play a little if there's time before we go.
5. Get shoes on, get coat on, etc.Reinforcing that she's in control of a simple set of tasks is really helping. She was throwing crazy fits a few weeks ago and we really needed to tackle that pretty quick. She seems to feel proud of herself by knowing what she needs to do, and seeing us appreciate that she's doing it.
- makes me cringe when I see middle class parents failing to control bawling frenzies of child-bastardry because they spend too much trying to be 'their friend'.detritus
- "Now Cynthia, you know mummy's very tired, you know this is my me time now, you've already had your... Cynthia - please stop shitting in the aisle. Cynthia?"detritus
- thank youmonospaced
- Just saw this on imgur
https://i.imgur.com/…detritus - @detritus +1PhanLo
- ^ WTF - That's about a kid biting someone else in the store who isn't their parent?mg33
- Just repeating "yes, I understand" without explaining why doesn't mean she understands. She's just telling you what you want to hear.cotton
- ^ At that age, I pivoted away from "I understand" to asking them to repeat what I had said along with me explaining why what is being discussed is important...spadeandheart
- ...to me. In our dynamic, I found myself getting short-tempered when they say they "understand" and then fall short because I wanted to believe...spadeandheart
- ...(a) they truly comprehended my message and (b) I was being an effective communicator even when I was being impatient.spadeandheart
- When I switched to establishing that she heard me, and we'd make time so I'd listen to her, then we'd have a starting point for when either of us fell short.spadeandheart
- Agree on eye-level. I'll sit one stair lower (if we're mid-tantrum) at the start of the convo before moving to eye level. (And "G'morning Sun" is hella cute)spadeandheart
- ^ So you start in the subservient position then move to an equal one? Interesting. I have no issue reminding my children from time to time that his parents areETM
- in charge, even if that is from "dominant" or towering position. I tried this equal level, "do you understand why? stuff when they were young and they did notETM
- really grasp it on the level so many parents *think* they do. I'm sorry. Yelling doesn't work, but you shouldn't need to do that sort of thing merely to takeETM
- control of a discipline issue for a young child either.ETM
- If my kids are out of control upset and we're at home, I sit in the middle of their room...quiet with eyes closed. When they are chaos, my yelling won't restorespadeandheart
- ...it'll just be an admission that I've succumbed to chaos, too. I've fallen into the trap regularly. Each new outburst is an attempt to adjust our course.spadeandheart
- That's not to say that I won't assume a dominant posture. If they aren't in chaos, I get down to eye level, inform them that the next time I address themspadeandheart
- my tone will come from frustration. That my attempts to be clam and reasonable are not being appreciated, and when I become frustrated, I yell. I give them thespadeandheart
- ...opportunity to walk us both back from the edge. Even in striking a dominant posture, I try to hand over the keys so we can all avoid unpleasantness.spadeandheart
- In situations where they're just being pricks, I let them know I respect their desire to make a spectacle of themselves, but that doesn't mean I have to watch..spadeandheart
- ...so I ask them to excuse themselves from the room to go pout or cry elsewhere, or I let them know I'm walking away.spadeandheart
- DaveO1
ACTUAL advice:
1 – Breastfeeding. Its great if she can do it but if she can't, make her feel like it's okay and support her. There's so much pressu reon women to succeed in these areas and they can feel like a failure if they don'r manage to do it.First kid was a dream, second couldn't do it. Go figure. Same goes for cesarian birth vs natural.
2 – HSA account. For all those in the USA, get an HSA account and fill it up before you have the baby. It's a ball ache but you will save money
3 – Baby Carrier. Literally the best invention for getting uot and having time with you child. When they're young and naping all the time, strap them on and take a walk around the park with a podcast. I got so much exercise by just having my son strapped on walking around Greenpoint & Williamsburg on my own. When we just had one son this is the time you give to your wife to nap, and they WILL appreciate it.
4 – Strollers. Spend money on it. You will use it loads and its worth it. A good thing for grandparets to help with if they want to contribute. We got the Bugaboo chameleon and it was the best money we ever spent. Don;t think that you can out smart strollers, good gear is worth it, and with a clean up you can re-sell it. Also, when the kids get bigger, this stroller is AMAZING and fits on an in flight overhead bin
https://www.babyzen.com/en/yoyo-…I could go on and on!
- Point 1 is very important. In the UK the midwives and hospitals make you feel like you are giving your child crack if you aren't breast feeding. Cunts.Hayzilla
- And also very true in Brooklyn. We expressed milk for a while with our second son and it's SUCH a time drain.DaveO
- wanna hang out one day, DaveO?monospaced
- A dad symposium!DaveO
