Dad Advice Thread

Out of context: Reply #37

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  • mg335

    Get eye-to-eye with your little ones when you need to be stern and authoritative and don't tower over them. Helps for them to see you at eye level and not be domineering when you really need to get them to understand things.

    My daughter is almost 3 and I really have to do that often, and tell her "look at my nose, look at my eyes" so I know she's paying attention. I also make sure she says "Yes I understand" when I need to explain something important to her.

    There's such a weird balance of being an authority and being a friend and a parent at this age. Hoping to get it right so that it's easy when my son, who is almost 6 months old, is in the 2 - 3 range. AND that we will have taught my daughter good personal discipline so she can help reinforce it with us when he's older.

    Also... we've really been working with our daughter on her morning routine. Making sure she understands the order of things in the morning:

    1. Wake up.
    2. Say "good morning sun!" (it's cute more than anything)
    3. Go to the bathroom, take off diaper, put on underwear and get dressed with our help.
    4. Sit at her table and eat breakfast, then play a little if there's time before we go.
    5. Get shoes on, get coat on, etc.

    Reinforcing that she's in control of a simple set of tasks is really helping. She was throwing crazy fits a few weeks ago and we really needed to tackle that pretty quick. She seems to feel proud of herself by knowing what she needs to do, and seeing us appreciate that she's doing it.

    • makes me cringe when I see middle class parents failing to control bawling frenzies of child-bastardry because they spend too much trying to be 'their friend'.detritus
    • "Now Cynthia, you know mummy's very tired, you know this is my me time now, you've already had your... Cynthia - please stop shitting in the aisle. Cynthia?"detritus
    • thank youmonospaced
    • Just saw this on imgur
      https://i.imgur.com/…
      detritus
    • @detritus +1PhanLo
    • ^ WTF - That's about a kid biting someone else in the store who isn't their parent?mg33
    • Just repeating "yes, I understand" without explaining why doesn't mean she understands. She's just telling you what you want to hear.cotton
    • ^ At that age, I pivoted away from "I understand" to asking them to repeat what I had said along with me explaining why what is being discussed is important...spadeandheart
    • ...to me. In our dynamic, I found myself getting short-tempered when they say they "understand" and then fall short because I wanted to believe...spadeandheart
    • ...(a) they truly comprehended my message and (b) I was being an effective communicator even when I was being impatient.spadeandheart
    • When I switched to establishing that she heard me, and we'd make time so I'd listen to her, then we'd have a starting point for when either of us fell short.spadeandheart
    • Agree on eye-level. I'll sit one stair lower (if we're mid-tantrum) at the start of the convo before moving to eye level. (And "G'morning Sun" is hella cute)spadeandheart
    • ^ So you start in the subservient position then move to an equal one? Interesting. I have no issue reminding my children from time to time that his parents areETM
    • in charge, even if that is from "dominant" or towering position. I tried this equal level, "do you understand why? stuff when they were young and they did notETM
    • really grasp it on the level so many parents *think* they do. I'm sorry. Yelling doesn't work, but you shouldn't need to do that sort of thing merely to takeETM
    • control of a discipline issue for a young child either.ETM
    • If my kids are out of control upset and we're at home, I sit in the middle of their room...quiet with eyes closed. When they are chaos, my yelling won't restorespadeandheart
    • ...it'll just be an admission that I've succumbed to chaos, too. I've fallen into the trap regularly. Each new outburst is an attempt to adjust our course.spadeandheart
    • That's not to say that I won't assume a dominant posture. If they aren't in chaos, I get down to eye level, inform them that the next time I address themspadeandheart
    • my tone will come from frustration. That my attempts to be clam and reasonable are not being appreciated, and when I become frustrated, I yell. I give them thespadeandheart
    • ...opportunity to walk us both back from the edge. Even in striking a dominant posture, I try to hand over the keys so we can all avoid unpleasantness.spadeandheart
    • In situations where they're just being pricks, I let them know I respect their desire to make a spectacle of themselves, but that doesn't mean I have to watch..spadeandheart
    • ...so I ask them to excuse themselves from the room to go pout or cry elsewhere, or I let them know I'm walking away.spadeandheart

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